Pearl(y White)s of Wisdom

On Thursday, I had to go to the dentist for a check-up. Like most people, it’s not something I enjoy, especially since my favourite hygienist, Harmony, only works Monday to Wednesday and our schedules don’t line up anymore. Two visits ago, my new hygienist claimed to be a former Olympic-level figure skater (I looked her up but couldn’t find her listed on any Canadian team at any point in time), and despite the fact that we had never met before, she insisted on spending the entire appointment regaling me with the tales of abuse that caused her to leave the sport and gave her PTSD. Then, at the end of the appointment, she told me that fluoride was poison, and she could recommend several “documentaries” that had uncovered the insidious and evil fluoride conspiracy.  The next time I went, in February, I had a different hygienist who was only slightly better, in that she said ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to me throughout the entire appointment. But at the end she gave me extra floss, which was nice, and did NOT try to push any bizarre conspiracy theories about the world of dentistry. I showed up for my appointment on Thursday, fearing the worst and hoping for the best, when a familiar face came around the corner to call me in.

“Harmony!” I exclaimed, overjoyed. She had switched days last week for some reason and, lucky me, I would get to spend my time in the chair discussing new favourite shows to binge-watch because we have the exact same taste in TV, plus she has excellent timing when it comes to asking a question and then letting me answer without slicing open my gums with her pick. It was just like old times, and at the end of the appointment, I actually felt relaxed. And then I discovered we had another thing in common:

Me: I heard Dr. Morton is going to retire soon.
Harmony: He’s getting there.
Me: He’s been my dentist for a really long time. Can you tell from my chart how long?
Harmony: Hang on…looks like your first appointment was in 2009.
Me: Wow! So like 24 years?
Harmony: Uh huh.

Then there was a long pause while I, and most likely you, dear reader, re-did the mental calculation that led to my pronouncement.

Me: Wait…no, I think that’s only 13 years. I’m so bad at math.
Harmony: Me too. That’s why I just said Uh huh, and went along with you. But 13 sounds correct.

And yes, at some point after the conversation, while I was shopping for a new outfit for my book launch for The Devil You Know which was taking place later that night, I realized that 13 years was also completely wrong, and that Harmony was either being very nice to me, or she was indeed as bad at math as me. Regardless, she will always be my favourite hygienist.

The book launch went really well, by the way. Here’s a picture of me wearing my new outfit:

In other news, here’s the cover reveal for the DarkWinter Press inaugural publication, The basement on Biella: a poetry collection by Bill Garvey. Bill is a brilliant poet who divides his time between Toronto and Nova Scotia, and DarkWinter is so happy to be publishing this collection! I had a moment of nervous excitement right before I hit ‘publish’ and now it’s available for Kindle pre-order! The paperback will be released most likely the beginning of next week, but if you’re interested in the Kindle version, order now and it will land in your e-reader on Monday! Here’s the link and the front cover:

43 thoughts on “Pearl(y White)s of Wisdom”

  2. My recent trip to the dentist was certainly one for the books! First, I had to laugh when the dentist asked about the story behind my name, Thomas. I mean, how often do you meet a woman named “Thomas”? 🤷‍♀️

    However, the real surprise came when the hygienist shared that she and her boyfriend are volunteer firefighters. I truly admire people who give their time and effort to such a crucial cause. But when she said that volunteer firefighters are equal in every way to professional ones (like me), I was taken aback. I believe every firefighter, whether they’re volunteer or professional, contributes something invaluable. Yet, it’s important to note that the training and experiences often differ significantly between the two. It’s all about acknowledging and respecting each role without generalizing.

    Nonetheless, it was an eye-opening visit. Here’s to more unexpected discussions (and hopefully fewer questions about my name) in the future! She also gave me an extra toothbrush and an extra toothpaste as they had run out of floss. 💪🔥👩‍🚒

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    • That’s really interesting–up here most of our small townships have a ‘volunteer’ fire department, but they’re not actually volunteer–they all get paid, a lot of them are full-time, and they and do the same training as firefighters in other areas. A lot of younger local people, like our former dog sitter, use it as an opportunity to get experience then move on to a larger city fire department, which is why she’s our ‘former’ dog sitter!

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      • Oh my goodness, I can relate so much to this! I volunteered for several years without pay, and after the tragic events of 9/11, I was brought onboard full-time in NYC. My appointment was based on the stellar test scores I achieved. Over two decades, I dedicated myself to the service, working 24-48 hour shifts in fully salaried departments. When I relocated to Vermont after retiring, and tried to volunteer at the local fire department, the experience was disheartening. They couldn’t come to terms with the idea that a woman like me had been promoted to Lieutenant in a paid division. It broke my heart when they relegated me to mere tasks like cleaning trucks and sweeping. It’s unfortunate but such experiences make us stronger! 💪🏻🚒

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  4. Congratulations on the book launch! You look fabulous. I’m so excited about your inaugural book publication as well for the Press–and, I once lived in a town where the entire TOWN voted AGAINST fluoride in the water–except for the dentists. It went up for vote every few years, and people would cite those conspiracy theories. Needless to say, we left that town, but probably after much damage to our teeth.

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  6. The book launch looks like it was a great event and the poetry collection launch is really exciting too!
    I’ve never really gotten attached to any of my hygienists since I only see them every six months, although I do remember one who told me the patient before me had been a hockey player. This was probably true—my dentist also serves the local hockey team. Anyway I said, “Last week I went to a fight and a hockey game broke out!”
    She didn’t laugh. I was glad I had a different hygienist the next time.

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  8. Really. If I had a nickel for every time I figured dates and elapsed times incorrectly, I’d have I don’t know like several dollars. I think thirty-seven.
    You reminded me of the dental hygienist I had at the previous dentist who used to be one of Hitler’s henchmen, even though she was ostensibly a woman. By the time my cleaning was completed I had lost so much blood I would have to sit with my head between my knees for a minute, and they would give me a glass of orange juice. But my teeth were really really clean.
    Congrats on the progress of your publication.

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  12. I actually prefer no one talk to me at the dentist. All the dentists I have ever had like to talk to me at the most awkward times. I like to bring earbuds with me now. Also, I will say that I was a bit boggled every time you listed a number. I was like, wait, that’s not right 😂 Great post 👍

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  13. I’m so glad this didn’t make me cringe and grind my teeth because you encountered some horrible dentistry disaster or whatever. I read “dentist” and had to stop yesterday. I’m glad I came back and read this. It wasn’t anything like I’d worried about. Which is to say, this had a happy outcome and great news, too! Congratulations on all of it, Suzanne! Mona

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  14. Language! I assumed your dental hygienist /was/ your dentist coz as far as I know, we don’t have separate jobs here. I’m glad your visit proved to be pleasant. I’ve got an appointment with my dentist in two weeks and I am dreading it. So is my hip pocket.
    Congratulations! On both your book launch and the birth of your publishing company. 😀

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    • Yes, there are hygienists as well as dentists in the practice. I only have to see the dentist every other appointment and all he does is ask the hygienist if there are any issues, then he looks in my mouth and goes, “Everything looks fine.” Our benefits package includes dental luckily!

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  15. Yeah, somewhere around 2010, I completely lost track of the years. My memory is staggeringly year-specific when it comes to the 1980s and ’90s, but things get fuzzier after that. And for reasons I can’t explain, 2012 seems so much more distant than 1992.

    Congrats on the launch of The Devil You Know! And to Bill on The basement on Biella!

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  16. Your story of the anti-fluoride hygienist reminds me of the time I went to get a facial and the esthetician kept trying to make me guess how old she was. “Guess! Guess!” she’d say, and she had this heavy Russian accent which made me quite nervous. Just to get some peace, I finally guessed, but low-balled it at 29 yrs. She yelled, “I COULD KISS YOU.”

    Come to think of it, that was the last facial I ever got.

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