A Spoonful Of Sugar Helps The Vitamins Go Down

I love vitamins. I know that sounds weird, but you probably need to know that most of the vitamins I take are gummy vitamins, and it’s like starting your day with candy. Candy that’s GOOD FOR YOU. And yes, I’m a “past-middle-aged” woman (unless I’m going to live to be one hundred and fourteen) and I’m too old to care if you mock me, because they’re delicious. Every morning, I come downstairs and start my day with fruit-flavoured multi-vitamins, orange vitamin C, citrus-y Vitamin D, strawberry-vanilla Biotin, and multi-berry collagen. I take two of each, not because I have to but because I WANT to. It’s the first time in my life that I’ve ever cared about vitamins—even The Flintstones couldn’t tempt me to chew the grape sawdust that passed for a treat when I was a kid. Of course, I was an extremely picky child—you know how some parents puree vegetables into spaghetti sauce to disguise the taste? I wouldn’t even eat spaghetti sauce. Or pasta. In fact, the bulk of my diet was peanut butter on white bread and plain hamburgers. As an adult, I have a wide palate, and I’ll try, and eat, almost anything. I still draw the line at beets and peas, but everything else is fair game. Yet, like a child, I still need to have my vitamins disguised with copious amounts of sugar and gelatin. The only thing better than gummy vitamins would be if there was some kind of vitamin powder you could put into white wine, then I’d be the healthiest lush on the planet.

But despite my passion for vitamin candy, there IS one thing I hate about vitamins, and that’s shopping for them.

1) It doesn’t matter what time I go, or what store I go to, the vitamin aisle is always crowded by at least half a dozen people, all perusing the selection like they’ve never seen vitamins in their lives and are astounded that they exist. I’ve seen people take less time at art galleries or puppy parties than they do in the vitamin aisle. (Slight tangent—wouldn’t the world be a much better place if we could go to puppy parties once a week? How many puppies would we need? I’m thinking 6 minimum). Anyway, there I am, trying to find my vitamins, surrounded by people who are like f*cking ENTHRALLED by Magnesium. Even though most drug stores are now literally department stores, with electronics and groceries in addition to the actual “pharmacy section”, the vitamin aisle is still the most popular hangout in the place. The other day I went grocery shopping at a virtually deserted drug store, and SIX PEOPLE were in the vitamin aisle, blocking my way to delicious health. Seriously, go look at margarine. That’s where the really big decisions need to be made if my recent experience watching people scrutinize margarine tubs is any indication.

2) There are way more brands and types of vitamins than are necessary. The vitamin aisle at my drug store is over 50 feet long and four shelves high. You’d think it would be alphabetical but it’s not, at least in no way I can discern. Some places group them by brand, some places by purpose, some by colour, some by flavour…

Vitamin Shelf Stocker: Where should I put the Vitamin C?

Vitamin Overlord: Next to the Echinacea.

Vitamin Shelf Stocker: Why? Shouldn’t it go next to the B12…?

Vitamin Overlord: Echinacea and Vitamin C are both immune system boosters, and they both have the letter C in them. Put them on the bottom shelf where no one can find them because the letter C is stupid. Screw your immune system, Brad!

Vitamin Shelf Stocker: Who’s Brad?

Vitamin Overlord (mutters): No one important.

See, and this is why the vitamin aisle is always crowded, because no one can find anything thanks to Brad.

In other news, my new novel The Devil You Know has been released–well, at least I got MY COPIES. It’s the sequel to The Seventh Devil and I’m really happy with it–well, at least with MY WRITING. It’s available for pre-order on Amazon but apparently it’s not actually available until October 15 which doesn’t make any sense, but I’m planning to place a few copies in the vitamin aisle and create a buzz.

45 thoughts on “A Spoonful Of Sugar Helps The Vitamins Go Down”

  2. I’ve never done adult vitamins, but Flintstones I could and literally DID eat like candy when I was a kid. Even with five of us kids, I’m sure my Mom wondered how they disappeared so fast…. and they weren’t cheap! As a professional stocker, I would consider the vitamin aisle to be one of the very worst in the whole store to stock. Even when it was in alphabetical order, it was still a nightmare because they need to just designate one letter for each vitamin and not skip letters! Vitamin E should go right next to Vitamins F and G…

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

    • Even the professionals agree with me! And the fact that they’re also grouped according to brand for some things and not for others… As a kid, we got these weird vitamins that were green on one side and orange on the other–I still remember that godawful taste!

      Like

      Reply

  3. Congratulations on the new publication–I can’t keep up 🙂 Gummy vitamins are the best! Years ago, they used to make a chocolate chew and a chocolate mocha chew variety for calcium, and I loved those. They weren’t the gummy variety, though. They were soft chocolate chews, which were delicious. I will have to look for them in the store again.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

  4. After the news about your new novel I was most excited that you explained why the vitamin aisle—or sometimes aisles—is so crowded. When I go looking for vitamins I want to get in and out as quickly as possible but it still takes me a day and a half to find what I’m looking for because everything’s so weirdly organized. I want to get out of the way of the other people.
    I’ve also been thinking about taking some of those brain boosting vitamins. Very smart people recommend them so I figure, why not? But have you looked at the prices? That’s the other reason I stand there so long. For what they charge the brain boosting vitamins must be actual tiny brains.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  5. You could at least drink red wine for the Resveratrol… The darker the better.
    Surprised not to see NAD+ on your vitamenu. I do swear by vitamin D. The stuff is like happy-pills, but in a good way.
    Striking cover. Not sure if the shape of the shrinking portal is meant to represent anything. I do see something of a ring or eye to the right there.

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

  8. Oh God! I just wrote a post last week about an issue with Vitamin D2 and what that’s used for and — the whole thing was such a mess! I’m having flashbacks as I write this. Aaaacckkk! Glad your only issue was with the crowded aisle at the store. I’ve never tried gummy vitamins. They sound like something I’d like, though. Anyway, I’m still recovering from the Vitamin D2 snafu in my life. Moving on — I’m so happy to hear about your newest novel. Release and Unleash The Devil You Know! Bwahaahaa! Have a great week, Suzanne! Mona

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  9. I buy 2% milk that is organic and fortified w omega 3 and D etc also take biotin w C gummies.  Magnesium slow release in big white coated tablets was just recommended by my doc a month ago.  Gummies is the way to go👍🏻🤓. And yes the vitamins take a long time to shop for and I no longer even try. Why they are not alphabetically arranged I have no idea.  I get mine online.  Also being in a chair I can’t see or read anything low or high🙄🤪

    Sent from Yahoo Mail for iPhone

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  11. I’ve decided that rather than try to decide which vitamins are best for my unique physiology and condition, I’ll just take the ones at eye-level. So far so good, and my lower back pain has subsided.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  14. I have gummy vitamins for EXACTLY the same reason, Suzanne. Candy! Yum yum yum. And you explained by the vitamin aisle is so crowded – it’s impossible to find what you’re looking for. Alphabetical would be nice, wouldn’t it? And huge congrats on the book! I love the cover and hope to read it!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  17. We usually have a couple of family picnics during the year that turn in Puppy Palooza! My daughters will bring their dogs and if my sister is in town she brings hers. With our two we usually have 5 or 6 dogs. It is soo much fun and now that the whole farm is fenced we don’t have to worry about anyone wondering off or getting in the road.

    I usually don’t like to shop online but have started ordering vitamins online. I can find what I want, usually at a better price and it’s easier to read the labels. That small print on the bottles is impossible.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  18. OMG, those old Flintstones vitamins were 100% grape sawdust!

    Agreed: The vitamin aisle is completely overwhelming and nonsensically organized!

    Congrats on The Devil You Know! I loved The Seventh Devil and can’t wait to experience Verity and Gareth’s next spooktacular adventure!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Leave a comment