Not The Sharpest Tool In The Shed Quiz

It’s been a weird week—or at least weirder than normal. On the upside, I discovered that my last novel The Seventh Devil was part of a list of best spooky reads that appeared in October on a well-known book review website, and I didn’t even know about it, so that was cool. And my publisher likes the sample chapters I sent him for the sequel, The Devil You Know, so I have incentive to keep writing. On the other hand though, I’ve been plagued by intensely specific dreams about my new antique business, particularly one in which I was at Staples trying to buy supplies to frame pictures of old book pages from Alice In Wonderland with black silhouettes of rabbits superimposed on them. At one point, the salesperson and Ken began having a conversation about them working together on a different project while I used the photocopier and compared prices on fancy price tags. It’s exhausting—I mean, if I have to work all night as well as all day, what the hell is the point of being retired? And speaking of working, I had a disturbing incident in which a feverish coworker who’s a rabid anti-vaxxer/anti-masker came right up in my face on Monday to tell me that he was sick and needed to sign out. Apparently he’s been sick for days with all the symptoms of COVID, but he refused to get tested because he doesn’t believe that COVID is real. Needless to say, I was a little upset. Luckily, I was double masked and triple vaccinated. My best friend was able to get me a rapid test and thankfully, I was negative. In addition, I saw this magazine on the newsstand dated January 10th.

Did no one tell them? Was her death a secret? And while I admire the mid-December optimism, I really think they should have pulled the copies, or at least changed the cover once the lovely Betty White had passed away on December 31. But I did manage to find some amusement this week, especially after seeing the following ad for a set of axes:

So now I have a mydangblog Tool Quiz for you, in the same vein as the ad for Three Wood Choppers:

a) Dirt Tosser

b) Hitty Thing

c) Marathon Man

d) Ho

e) Stabby Bastard

f) You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out

g) Reverse Autumnal Vacuum

h) No. Just No.

i) How Did I Cut The Cord On This Thing WITH This Thing AGAIN?! Goddammit.

j) The One With The Square End

Bonus: Biggest F*cking Tool In The World

Here are the answer choices. Try to match them and see how well you do!

1) Exacto Knife

2) Robertson Screwdriver

3) Hoe

4) Hedge Trimmer

5) Staple Gun/Nail Gun/Red Ryder BB Gun

6) Shovel

7) Table Saw That Ken Removed The Safety Guard From

8) Hammer

9) Drill

10) Leaf Blower

Bonus: The Guy Who Breathed His COVID Germs In My Face

Correct Answers: A6, B8, C9, D3, E1, F5, G10, H7, I4, J2. Bonus: Yeah, that assh*le.

I hope you were able to get them all correct. Remember, there are a lot of tools out there and it’s important to know them when you see them!

36 thoughts on “Not The Sharpest Tool In The Shed Quiz”

  1. Well…..cutting the cord of the hedge trimmer WITH the hedge trimmer is most frustrating indeed…lol. I’ve also had some very weird, vivid dreams. But these have been about attending funerals. Ohhh, maybe an idea for one of your short stories…lol.

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  2. Yes–I can see how all of the answer choices could very well apply to the guy who breathed Covid in your face–yikes! So glad you tested negative. Love the tool quiz–and congrats on your book’s praises!

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    • Thanks! I still can’t believe there are people out there who think COVID is a hoax. He went off about it one time and I shut him down, but even if there wasn’t a pandemic, I’d still be furious at someone breathing any virus into my face!

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  3. To anti-vaxxers… “I respect your opinion. I’ll come visit your grave. What flowers do you like?”

    The next few letters are “Pi” and “Rho” (pyro), which may set the world on fire with their combined virulence and deadliness. We may get our apocalypse yet.

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  4. I finally got boosted on Friday, so I feel moderately relieved. However; I still spend every day living like a hermit wondering that the hell is going on. I started watching Station Eleven and think we are only a few years from that. So I’m also drinking lots of wine. 🤷🏻‍♀️

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  6. I got ’em right…well, except for the bonus one. I went for “jerk”. But yours is definitely more appropriate. Ugh. (And I always dream I’m at antique stores or thrift stores, searching for intense things like raison d’etre or portals to other universes. And no less exhausting, for sure! (Aw, Betty White). So glad you’re okay…what a poopyhead.

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  9. My wife is always worried about me hurting myself with a chainsaw. But we don’t have one. And she struggles to remember what to call it. So it’s our joke when I do yardwork for her to ask: “You’re not going to use that cutting thingy tool that you don’t have, are you?”

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  10. I just don’t want to go there with the anti-vaxxers. I feel like even talking about them makes them multiply, but, on the good side, there was a brief period before the delta variant (remember those days?) and when I went to the store or to a restaurant and most people were unmasked. But after the delta variant I’ve been to the same places and almost everyone’s masked, so
    at least I live in an area where most people take it seriously. So I’ll focus on the positive, which is that most people are trying to stay negative. Also what’s funny to me about the Betty White magazine cover is it takes me back to the summer I worked in a printing plant where issues of US News & World Report were being printed. The issues weren’t scheduled to hit the stands for ten days and the covers were literally out of date as soon as they rolled out. But the slowness allowed us to think about what was going on. Even funnier is I saw someone posted that the last thing Betty White did was grab 2021 by the throat and say “I’m taking you with me!” and she pulled them both into the fires of Mt. Doom to save us all.
    And apparently Sidney Poitier went in to help.
    And do you really have those Alice In Wonderland prints or were those just a dream?

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    • Oh I’d love to go back to the days when we didn’t have to wear masks. I have to wear one at work for 7 hours a day and it’s awful. At least it’s just 3 days a week. Makes me even more appreciative of healthcare workers who wear them for 12 hour shifts. And I’m pretty sure a lot of publications have dual cover options now, for things like presidential elections and trials—guess everyone thought Betty was going to live forever 😢

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