It’s been a weird week—or at least weirder than normal. On the upside, I discovered that my last novel The Seventh Devil was part of a list of best spooky reads that appeared in October on a well-known book review website, and I didn’t even know about it, so that was cool. And my publisher likes the sample chapters I sent him for the sequel, The Devil You Know, so I have incentive to keep writing. On the other hand though, I’ve been plagued by intensely specific dreams about my new antique business, particularly one in which I was at Staples trying to buy supplies to frame pictures of old book pages from Alice In Wonderland with black silhouettes of rabbits superimposed on them. At one point, the salesperson and Ken began having a conversation about them working together on a different project while I used the photocopier and compared prices on fancy price tags. It’s exhausting—I mean, if I have to work all night as well as all day, what the hell is the point of being retired? And speaking of working, I had a disturbing incident in which a feverish coworker who’s a rabid anti-vaxxer/anti-masker came right up in my face on Monday to tell me that he was sick and needed to sign out. Apparently he’s been sick for days with all the symptoms of COVID, but he refused to get tested because he doesn’t believe that COVID is real. Needless to say, I was a little upset. Luckily, I was double masked and triple vaccinated. My best friend was able to get me a rapid test and thankfully, I was negative. In addition, I saw this magazine on the newsstand dated January 10th.
Did no one tell them? Was her death a secret? And while I admire the mid-December optimism, I really think they should have pulled the copies, or at least changed the cover once the lovely Betty White had passed away on December 31. But I did manage to find some amusement this week, especially after seeing the following ad for a set of axes:
So now I have a mydangblog Tool Quiz for you, in the same vein as the ad for Three Wood Choppers:
a) Dirt Tosser
b) Hitty Thing
c) Marathon Man
e) Stabby Bastard
f) You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out
g) Reverse Autumnal Vacuum
h) No. Just No.
i) How Did I Cut The Cord On This Thing WITH This Thing AGAIN?! Goddammit.
j) The One With The Square End
Bonus: Biggest F*cking Tool In The World
Here are the answer choices. Try to match them and see how well you do!
1) Exacto Knife
2) Robertson Screwdriver
4) Hedge Trimmer
5) Staple Gun/Nail Gun/Red Ryder BB Gun
7) Table Saw That Ken Removed The Safety Guard From
10) Leaf Blower
Bonus: The Guy Who Breathed His COVID Germs In My Face
Correct Answers: A6, B8, C9, D3, E1, F5, G10, H7, I4, J2. Bonus: Yeah, that assh*le.
I hope you were able to get them all correct. Remember, there are a lot of tools out there and it’s important to know them when you see them!