Little Bits of Me

So it’s been an interesting and stressful week as Ken and I get ready to go on a trip—we’re finally going to Greenland, so next week I’ll be coming to you from a boat! Recently, I’ve picked up a few followers though, so I thought it was time to provide a little more information about the quirks of the mydangblog universe:

1) I talk to myself in the car. I know a lot of people do that. For me though, it’s mostly swearing, a lot of the time at myself, like, what the f*ck is wrong with you—you should have taken regional road 7 and you would have avoided all this stupid construction!! Because it’s Canada, and when we aren’t ass deep in snow, we’re ass deep in asphalt. But often, the self talk is more about animals. I have been known to whisper “A  fox, a fox!” to myself after seeing a little vulpine friend at the side of the road. And on Wednesday, I exclaimed, “No, fly faster!” as a vulture crossed in front of my windshield and narrowly escaped becoming ironic roadkill. Personally, I really like vultures, and I had no intention of having one splat itself against my car, making me responsible for its demise (If a vulture dies on the road, do all the other vultures have an ethical debate about whether to eat it or not?) Also, I talk all the time to animals that I see, like “Hey, cat!” or “Wait a second, you silly chippie!” when I’m driving, and that’s a whole lot better than giving the finger to other careless drivers (which I have also done).

2) I like pillows. Last week, we had a family party, and there were some guests who hadn’t been in our house for a while, so I took them on a tour as one does when one owns a 1906 monstrosity with a secret library room. At one point, someone, I can’t remember who, said, “Wow, you have a lot of pillows on your bed.” And I was like, “I guess,” and then I counted, and Ken and I have THIRTEEN pillows on the bed. Only 5 are decorative—the rest are there to support various limbs, provide a visible barrier for the dog, and allow for the hitting of someone (KEN) who snores like a banshee. I don’t care. First, I love my pillows to the point where I will be taking one on vacation with me even if it means I can’t have extra shoes in my suitcase, and second, I’m a grown-ass woman so I can have as many pillows as I want on my bed. Fight me.

3) My bedroom ceiling is a galactic battle. Last year, Ken and I were in the attic and we found, in a bin, a digital clock radio alarm that projects the time ONTO THE CEILING. This is amazing in and of itself, because I never have to guess the time now when I wake up in the middle of the night because of Ken snoring. But the best part, like the ABSOLUTE BEST, is that at a certain time, the numbers look like Star Wars is taking place on my ceiling and that time is 3:33. And for some reason, I regularly wake up between 3 and 3:30 so I wait just a little longer, I can see the battle because the 3s look kind of like Starfighters and the blinking colon looks like lasers being fired, and every time I see it, it makes me inexplicably happy and then I say “Pew Pew” and I can go back to sleep. (Did you know that if you have an iPhone and you text the words Pew Pew to someone else with an iPhone, it will send them cool lasers and stuff? Try it—it’s amazing.)

4) I love stickers. Recently, I not only got the actual stickers to put on my humour book to show that it was longlisted for the Leacock Medal for Humour, but I just got in the mail a bunch of stickers from my good friend Thomas Slatin. She writes a great blog which you can find here and also does photography, and her stickers are awesome, so thank you Thomas—I love them!

“Come for the laughter, stay for the lunacy.” That’s me. And now I’m on a boat!

37 thoughts on “Little Bits of Me”

  1. There was an episode of the old Friday the 13th: The Series TV show where bad things happened every night at 3:33 (I guess because 6:66 isn’t a valid time). I’ve found that I have a weird tendency to wake up in the middle of the night and see that it’s exactly 3:33. It would probably be worse if I hadn’t worked the night shift for the past 26 years, so I’m rarely actually asleep at that time anymore. For some reason, I don’t seem to ever wake up at 3:33 PM when I sleep during the day…

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      • Maybe not. 3:00 a.m. is considered to be the “witching hour,” the mythological explanation being that is the exact opposite time Christ was on the cross–witches love opposite stuff. All I know is, if I wake up around then, which I do frequently, I dare not start thinking about anything important as my mind will take it and spin negative, unsettling ruminations for about an hour. One could counteract that by thinking of bunnies, or angels, maybe, but galactic starfighters–that’s awesome.

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  2. 1 – My wife, Amelia talks to herself ALL THE TIME. It must be an autism thing.

    2 – We have 5 pillows on our bed. One for each of to sleep on, one for each of us to hug, and a spare because Amelia likes to take over pillows when she sleeps. We have a fantastic relationship.

    3 – It’s silly, but I always wanted one of those projection clocks when I was a little girl. Now that I’m a grown adult and can actually buy one, I really don’t have much of an excuse. I just need to clear off my night stand, which would be a substantial task.

    4 – You got my stickers? Awesome! I’m so happy that you like them! Let me know anytime if you’d like some more, I’m happy to send them. 😀

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    • Yes, the stickers are awesome, thanks! For the clock, if I wake up in the middle of the night and I can’t see the time, I get panicked thinking about how much time I might have left in bed. Now I just look at the ceiling and as soon as it hits 3:33, I can fall back asleep!

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  6. Oh my, I don’t think I could have a clock projection on my ceiling. It would drive me bonkers! I need for my room to be completely dark in order for me to fall asleep. I also talk to myself, and didn’t really realize it until I read your post 😂. I’m so jelly that your on your way to Greenland, I sure hope it’s cooler than it is here right now. You and Ken a safe trip! 🛳⛴🚢

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  11. The late, great Steve Allen said talking to yourself in the car, making up a funny monologue about everything that you see going by, was good practice for comedians. I think it’s a great idea because then you’ll have jokes ready for the cops or the insurance company when you have to explain why you hit something.

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  18. I scared the cat when I barked out laughing about the need for pillows with which to smite the snorer. I myself have 6 on the bed although I only sleep with 2. However the amount of stuffies on the other side of the bed is a lot, but oh so satisfying to have. My best is a soft squishmellow pig unicorn and my Spider His name is Spider as it is stitched onto his chest.

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