Is It Just Me?

The internet is a scary and dark place sometimes, but it does have its uses. In fact, on occasion, it can actually be a comfort. Before the advent of social media and search engines, I’m sure people lived in frightened little bubbles, not sure if what they were feeling was normal. Now of course, we’re often frightened in a GIGANTIC way, but at least we aren’t in bubbles anymore. What the internet has taught me mostly is that the things I thought were strange and quirky about myself (“mydangblog…strange and quirky?!” I hear you whispering in shock) are traits that a great many other people share. Imagine 100 years ago not knowing that having upwards of 8 decorative pillows on your bed was perfectly reasonable? Or that there were other people who not only knew what “the good tea towel” was, they also got upset when someone used it to wipe the counter?

Recently, I have discovered that several things that I thought were unique and unusual about myself are quite common, and I learned this on Twitter:

1)

I was shocked to learn that I am NOT the only person who does this. Whenever I take a plate of chicken out to the BBQ, I grab the tongs, and the first thing I do, immediately, is to click the tongs together, like “Clang, c-clang, clang”. The only difference between me and Wil Wheaton (the author of this tweet) is that I don’t REALLY do it to make sure they work. I mean, that’s part of it for sure, but for me, it’s more of a swashbuckler-y type thing. I like to imagine that I’m a grilling female Errol Flynn, and when I clang them, I also do a little lunge and a quick parry. I sometimes end with a flourish and a bow because that’s how I roll.

2)

Even though I used to work for a secret agency, technically I am NOT a spy, and anyone who knows me knows that is true, because I do exactly what this person’s tweet says. I have two dresses with pockets, and I can’t count the number of times I’ve been complimented on them SOLELY because of the pockets. The other day at work, a co-worker was wearing a new dress, and when we told her how nice it was, she immediately said, “It has pockets!” Then we all stood around saying, “Ooh—pockets!” while she modelled using them for us, which is to say that she twirled around with her hands IN the pockets. It was awesome. Is there a male equivalent of this?

Frank: Hey Jerry, we really like your tie.
Jerry: Thanks guys! It’s a clip-on!
All: Ooh.

3)

The identical thing happened to me a few weeks ago, only I didn’t call 911, I called Ken.

Ken: What’s going on?
Me: So…I went to Winners after work and bought some new workout clothes.
Ken: Nice.
Me: Then I worked out.
Ken: Good for you.
Me: And now I am stuck half in and half out of my new sports bra. It was fine going on, but I’m currently unable to get it off. I’m calling you with the arm that’s NOT trapped in it.
Ken: Um…can you hook it onto a doorknob and then, like, drop yourself out of it or something?
Me: I don’t think you understand physics.
Ken: Gravity. Can you call the neighbour to come over? She can help you.
Me: You mean, she could grab it and pull it off me, and then I would be naked in front of her? No.

Eventually, with a Herculean effort that involved almost dislocating one shoulder, I got it off and managed to not be naked in front of anyone.

4)


A while ago, Ken and I had a family get together, and someone left a spoon behind. It was a f*cking weird spoon, all flat and plain and whatnot, completely unlike all my other normal, human spoons. But every time I reached into the cupboard to grab a spoon, IT was the one I always came out with. Once, I actually said out loud to it, “I hate you, stupid spoon.” Then one day, I got fed up, and I threw it in the garbage. So I apologize to whatever family member it belonged to, but seriously, if I come to your house and see the rest of your weird-ass spoons, they’re all going in the trash.
5)

This is kind of like the opposite of Number 4, and while the person who wrote this tweet doesn’t understand proper punctuation (and thanks to the internet, I know I’m not the ONLY one who cares about things like this), it’s true. Just the other day, Ken came into the room. My first reaction was to say, “What are you doing?!” His response was to pause for a moment, so that he could do a mental scan to try and figure out why I was asking him that.

Ken: Um…nothing?
Me: Why are you using my mug?
Ken: (nervously scoffs) This isn’t your mug.
Me: Uh, yes it is.
Ken: No, it’s not—your name’s not written on it.
Me: There’s a giant f*cking “S” on both sides, Ken.
Ken: We have tons of other mugs. Use one of those.
Me: I could offer you THE SAME ADVICE, KEN!!

And now, I have to hide my mug. Oh well, he DOES respect the “good tea towel” and he thinks it’s perfectly normal that I fence with BBQ tongs, so that’s something.

42 thoughts on “Is It Just Me?”

  1. amandAVN says:

    Well, I have slightly less than 8 decorative pillows on the bed (6), but there is definitely a special place in my drawer (and heart) for my good tea towels. So maybe it’s not just you! There is definitely no male equivalent for the Twirl in a Dress with Pockets….

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

  2. Hilarious, Suzanne. I’m a “tong clacker” too, though without the parry and lunge, which I might add to my grilling repertoire. And I do have MY mug, which is off-limits to anyone else. 🙂 Never got stuck in sports bra though. Lol. Thanks for the laughs!

    Liked by 4 people

    Reply

  3. The clicking the barbecue tongs together, I’m pretty sure, is a part of basic human instinct. Anyone who would grab tongs, or even scissors, and not immediately give them a couple clicks, is probably an alien…… no wait, I’m sure Martians click their tongs too.

    Liked by 4 people

    Reply

  4. If a guy says his tie is a clip-on no one’s going to say “Ooh”! I’m sorry to say that. If you compliment him on it and he says “Thank you, it’s tied with a five-in-hand reverse Tudor knot” I think everyone will say “Ooh!” even though most of us have no clue what that is. I have no clue and I have two friends who take great pride in weird ways they knot their ties, while I take great pride in not wearing ties.

    Liked by 5 people

    Reply

  5. 1) I have BBQ tongs that are styled like Vader’s lightsaber & they make the vwooosh noise when I open them. Consequently my initial moves are rather more swipe than lunge.
    2) There is no male clothing equivalent of the pockets thing (cos we have pockets). But we do like to show off gadgets with cool features.
    3) Am intrigued by bra emergency. But also terrified.
    4) We have 2 rogue dessert spoons in our drawer. I don’t know where they came from but I refuse to use them, to the extent that I will wash one of OUR spoons rather than use the clean weird ones.
    5) One of our Denby mugs has a tiny chip in the handle. I’ve taken to using that one. Me & Chip, just like a Disney film.

    Liked by 5 people

    Reply

  6. Any tea towel I own looks like it was used to wipe something really yucky off the floor, because my husband HAS used every. single. one. to do just that, and on multiple occasions. I do have a few pretty tea towels (that I received as gifts) in a special drawer, far away from the kitchen, but I have no idea why I bother to keep them. If I brought them out when company was coming, my husband would make a POINT of using them to clean something yucky off the floor 🙄

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  7. I laughed hard this morning, glad not to have had coffee in my hand; at least I’ve learned something in 76 years. I’m thinking we may be twins, obvious I’m the older untalented one, but every situation has happened to me. I do have a hated fork someone left here but haven’t thrown it out—must be the old Vermonter in me, definitely good tea towels, and since being in a wheelchair, was stuck in the doorway of a dressing room when I got trying to get off a sports bra. The more I tried the worse it was, arms hitting sides of doorway etc, because trying to hide my body, nervous sweat appeared. Never did that again. We have a fascination with dresses or skirts with pockets but I don’t wear those anymore, not handy with wheels. I have a fave cup for coffee every day but live alone and it must be known by others when visiting, it is definitely “my” cup😂

    I just want to say thanks because I look forward to your post every Sunday and it makes my day. These days of horrid news and happenings, it’s a welcome joy. 🥰 Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply

  8. It’s hilarious the habits we form as we get older. Knowing that when we were younger they didn’t matter or were seen as weird. I have a couple of favorite mugs and when Charlie uses one for his special order nip tea, I loose it! And there is currently a fork in my drawer I don’t like nor use…..I think it’s Charlie’s 🙄😝🤣

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  10. This was great! I needed the laughs. I hear you on the Gym Shirt issue. That happens to me a lot at the Gym and I sort of meet others by approaching them in the locker room and asking, “Excuse Me, Can you help?”. I have some friends that are Star Wars Fans so those are great gift ideas!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  12. All our spoons match. Everything matches in the silverware drawer. SOMEONE is a little tense about that in our house. Yes, I have my special coffee cups and she has her special tea cups and our lips do not touch the other’s cups. Our issue are plates. We have cheap plastic plates to take to picnics so we don’t use paper stuff and add to our footprint and you probably already stopped reading that. I walked in and she was using MY plate AT HOME. I said, “Why are you using my plate?” She shrugged. No thought had gone into it. “I don’t know. I just picked it up.” “But your plate was right beneath it.” “But I like yours.” The universe was rattled. Liking it is not a reason to use someone else’s plate. It was an ominous sign.

    Understand the bra thing though I don’t wear them. Ever go through the pantyhose thing? Once walked into the living room where my MIL was on the floor trying to writhe into pantyhose. I quickly and quietly exited. It was over forty years ago but it left a mark.

    Pockets in women’s clothing. I hear about this a lot, like every time my wife shops for clothes. “Why don’t they put pockets in women’s clothes?” Imagine growling and gnashing teeth as it’s spoken. I bought a new coat not long ago and wore it, receiving compliments from men. I showed them all my inside pockets — for phone, sunglasses, passport, hunting knife, wallet, whatever. They were all like, “Nice,” nodding approval. Men do care about pockets. I should be ashamed that I sort of flaunt this over my wife. “Look at my coat and its pockets.”

    Always enjoy and laugh at your post. Thanks for sharing your talent. Cheers

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    • I actually have two different coats WITHOUT pockets. Why??!! I gave up on panty hose years ago—I have disproportionately long legs and I was forever hiking the up! But the plate thing? That’s even worse than the mug. How dare she?! Lol!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  13. I do like to click the barbecue tongs together–but is it strange to do that when there is no barbecue or reason to use the tongs? Because I do. I click them just because–sometimes in time to music, like castanets.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

  15. My stomach is sore from laughing at these. I can identify!

    Once I bought a skirt, blue with white polka dots, and it is fabulous. But when I wore it the first time, I was hailed as a hero: I did the Hands-In-Pockets Twirl, and everyone in the office literally said, “Ooh, pockets!” just like in your example.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

Gravatar
WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out /  Change )

Cancel

Connecting to %s