Flushed Away Again

One of the things I have to do at work, one of the things I dislike the most, is that I have to clean the bathroom on my floor. It’s technically a ladies’ bathroom, and it’s used mostly by our female customers. I used to think that women were much more hygienic when it came to toilet stuff than men, based on my experiences many years ago at the donut shop where I worked in my late teens to make money for university tuition. The men’s room there used to be so disgusting that the only thing that would really help would have been a flamethrower. But now that I have to clean this particular bathroom regularly, I’m beginning to wonder if I was unfairly stereotyping the guys. Personally, I’m fairly straightforward when it comes to using public washrooms—I go in a stall, sit down, do my thing, wash my hands and leave—but apparently I’m an anomaly when it comes to using a public washroom and I have some questions for the hypothetical woman who regularly uses the bathroom at work that I have to clean.

1) Why do you put the lid down?

I know that people complain ALL the time about men leaving the seat up, but that’s an easy fix—I just use the toe of my shoe to pull the seat back down. But putting the actual lid down before you leave the stall? What the hell for? You flushed, didn’t you? (see Question 5) So what are you trying to hide? I enjoy taking a “safety go” right before heading home, and seriously, the number of times I’ve had to lift the lid so that I could sit down is ridiculous. And you can’t use the toe of your shoe for THAT one—you have to touch the lid WITH YOUR FINGERS. Do you do this so the germs from the toilet flushing don’t invisibly splash on you? Well now my hands are covered with them, so thanks for that.

2) Two-parter: a) Why do you line the toilet seat with toilet paper?

So you don’t want your butt to get dirty? Honey, you’ve already touched all kinds of sh*t before even sitting down, and you’re worried about your butt? I hate to break this to you, but going to the bathroom in and of itself is a process that is rife with germs. A thin layer of toilet paper will not protect you. Of course, the alternate to the toilet liner is to simply crouch and mist the toilet seat with your urine, which makes things even more disgusting, especially for the next woman to enter the stall.

b) If you do insist on lining the toilet seat with toilet paper because somebody else was spraying like a tomcat, why don’t you flush the damn stuff when you’re done instead of leaving it on the floor where it fell after unsticking itself from your butt? Now it’s MY responsibility to sweep up all your ass-paper.

3) How do you manage to get water spots all over the mirror?

I mean, are you having a splashfest in the sink? Are you just waving your hands around, doing the chicken dance or something? The mirror at work is at least two feet above the sink but it constantly needs Windexing to get rid of all the droplets that have managed to land on it from your exuberant handwashing. Oh well–at least you washed your hands.

4) Why is the garbage full of V8 juice cans and an entire empty tray of butter tarts? Were you having a picnic in there?! (This happens more than you think). And please stop leaving your empty Red Baron beer bottles behind the toilet at 10 am. No wonder you have to pee so much.

5) Do you not understand how a toilet handle works?

The handles on two separate toilets were literally snapped off last week. How hard are you trying to flush?! Oh well, I guess it’s better than not bothering to flush at all, which you do on a regular basis. No wonder you put the lid down.

If I seem a little grumpy today, it’s because I am. There’s still a skunk somewhere on the property, and it refuses to take our delicious peanut butter and cat food bait, but insists on spraying several times a day to the point where I can barely breathe! So here’s a picture to cheer us all up:

Princess Toilette

33 thoughts on “Flushed Away Again

  1. First of all, I’ll just say that I’m very thankful that I have a job where I’ve never been expected to do bathroom duty. Thankfully, we have a maintenance crew to do that!

    A few observations:

    1. I’ve, obviously, never been in a ladies restroom before, but our maintenance people over the years have been pretty unanimous in the opinion that the ladies room is always more disgusting than the men’s room. I’ll leave it to other to speculate why that is…

    2. We have those sinks that automatically spray water out when you put your hands under them…. usually at about 800 gallons per second. Water droplets on the mirror are inevitable.

    3. I’m odd in that I have no fear of germs, but I’m still amazed at the lengths some people will obviously go through to not have physical contact with anything in a public restroom! If you’re that much of a germophobe, maybe you should buy some Depends because everything in that bathroom is dirtier than your dog’s mouth!

    4. In large retail stores like mine, restrooms are often used as hideaways for theft. A few V8 cans in nothing compared to empty boxes of printer ink, Pokemon card packs, and my favorite find from a few weeks ago…. two empty boxes that contained male vibrators! Yes, we sell that stuff in a family store…

    Liked by 2 people

    • Yes, I could see if we had those super spray taps but we don’t–just really enthusiastic handwashers. We’ve also found empty wrappers and torn-off price tags, but the ladies room is quite close to the till so that’s a bit of a deterrent anyway. I hadn’t had to clean bathrooms since I was a teenager, and it’s the one thing about this job that really does irk me!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’ll be the first to agree with you, women are way worse than men. When I was a janitor at one of the middle schools in the district I lived in. The girls bathrooms were so much worse in a disgusting way, and the boys weren’t as bad. Actually they were surprisingly clean compared to all the others. Which always made me wonder why?

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Thinking about airplane toilets… I’ve always managed to avoid using them — to their full extent — but, I don’t recall ever entering one that had been abused. You’re seen leaving the facility, therefore, you can be tracked down and accused so you behave yourself? Maybe anonymity is the problem. Humans are beasts if not held accountable? Or those not taught manners at an early age become heathens?
    I used to hate seeing trash in parks or along my common walking paths. I would take a bag and collect it as I went. I don’t anymore. I’ve quit giving a shit, I’m afraid.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think you’re right—people are more inclined to be neat when someone else is watching! I really do hate public bathrooms though—I’ve been known to wash the seat with soapy water first if it looks really bad, but I always put my cleaning supplies in the garbage.


  4. I’ve only had to clean public bathrooms a couple of times, Suzanne, usually event-related. I can’t say whether men or women are worse. What strikes me as outrageous (in a number of situations) is people who make messes and feel so entitled that they have no problem leaving them for someone else to clean up. That’s not only gross, but it feels disrespectful. And I don’t like to touch seats either!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. There used to be a sign over the urinal in the men’s room where I work that said “Please stop urinating on the floor.” I don’t know if men are less disgusting but it was appalling to me that my fellow Y-chromosomes had to be reminded to aim. That also reminds me of another men’s room where the cleaning staff put up a sign that said, “We aim to please, so you aim too, please.”
    And really anyone who can’t handle using a restroom should just go outside. That might draw attention away from the skunk.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I work in a dept store with a high traffic bathroom and it’s disgusting what the customers do. The female ones. The most horrifying thing I saw was a small puddle of blood and bloody footprints leading all the way out into the store. Losing my sense of smell for almost a year after having covid was a blessing.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I will absolutely never understand how the same folks who line the seat with a thin drape of toilet paper, presumably out of germ paranoia, are the same ones who never bother to wash their hands on their way out, and also manage to leave the restroom looking like the set of a Rob Zombie movie! WTF?!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Oh,how I’ve missed your blog!
    I’m afraid my mum was always guilty of the second one – lining the seat with toilet paper. (But she did flush it afterwards.) She was always afraid to sit on the seat without it and, when I was a child, told me to try to hover over it instead of sit. Well, I’ve never had the greatest balance so that was out of the question or I’d have fallen in!

    What I can never understand is people who pee on the seat… oh wait, maybe they’re hovering.

    Liked by 1 person

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