Wiener Fest!

Well, it was quite the exciting week. After relocating skunk Number 1, we caught a second little varmint later that same night. In the morning, Ken went out to check on him and returned, saying, “He has two friends visiting him in jail.” So the fencing stayed up and the trap was re-baited with peanut butter and cat food, which seems to be the entrée of choice for the discerning skunk. By Wednesday, 3 and 4 had been relocated, and Ken and I were breathing a sigh of relief, although the breathing was still tinged with eau de skunk, thanks to Atlas. Then, around 8 pm, Ken came into the room with a glass of wine, and handed another one to me:

Ken: I’d like to propose a toast.
Me: Really? That’s so sweet. To what?
Ken: To five.

Me: My fifth book?
Ken: Nope.
Me (confused and a little worried that I’d missed yet another anniversary of some kind): Five what?
Ken: Skunk number five.
Me: Oh my god. (Downs wine in one shot). How many more can there be??!!

Turns out there were SEVEN. Yep. Seven skunks. At least I hope that’s all there are, because I don’t fancy battling the final boss, and so far, there’s been no mother in sight, just a lot of kits. Apparently, a group of skunks is called a ‘stench’, and I can certainly see why, because our cargo trailer might just permanently smell like raunchy weed. The problem with skunks, especially the young ones, is that they’re so damn cute but you can’t hug them, and I really hope they have a family reunion in the forest where we dropped each of them off.

Aside from Skunkapalooza, not much happened this week, except for the funniest misunderstanding at work I can think of. I took Kate’s shift on Saturday because she was in an e-sports tournament, and around lunchtime, a woman came to the counter:

Woman: We’re just heading over to Wiener Fest. Is it okay if we come back with a couple?
Me (hesitates): I suppose, as long as you don’t get ketchup or relish on anything in the booths.
Woman (confused): Oh. All right…

Later on, a group came into the market with a pair of dachshunds. We have a policy that dogs are fine in the building as long as they can be carried or put in a cart (the exception is service dogs, which are fine no matter what). So my boss got them two carts lined with cardboard and they went around happily (the dogs, of course—I have no idea if the people were happy because the second I saw the dogs, their humans ceased to exist. I once got on an elevator and there was a man with a golden retriever. “Hello, gorgeous,” I said, to which the man replied, “Thanks.” Imagine how sad he was when I told him I was talking to his dog.). Anyway, the dachshunds were adorable—one was even wearing a little bow tie—and they seemed to be having a great time. Eventually, the whole group came to the counter to check out, and I realized the woman who had asked about eating hot dogs was with them.

Woman: I’m so glad we were able to bring Roxie and Moxie inside. Wiener Fest was so hot!
Woman: I know you weren’t sure about it, but they’re so well-behaved.
Me: When you said wieners, I didn’t know you meant dogs. I thought you were going to a barbeque!
Woman: Ha ha! Is that why you were talking about ketchup and mustard? No wonder we were both so confused!

Then I hugged Roxie and Moxie and told them if they were ever in the neighbourhood again, to be sure to drop by. Whether they bring their people or not, that’s up to them.

The only way I take a picture of a skunk trap is if the skunk isn’t in it.

52 thoughts on “Wiener Fest!

  1. Joe and I were just talking about dachshunds yesterday; cutie pies! My mom had a cuddly toy skunk that was gifted to her after I was born; apparently, when she opened the front door to leave the house for the hospital, there were 3 skunks hanging out on the front porch.

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  2. I’m surprised the woman didn’t laugh or at least try to explain what Wiener Fest was. I wonder if there were any events. Several years ago I was at an agility match and someone ran with a Dachshund. There was an obstacle called a collapsed chute. The Dachshund ran into the open end and then for about five minutes all we could see was this lump moving around in the collapsed part. Everyone in the place got very quiet then the Dachshund emerged and everyone cheered.
    Also here’s a toast to your fifth book. And another for the skunks.

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    • She said that since Wiener Fest was such a big event, she assumed we knew what it was! And thanks (I actually just signed a contract for my sixth book as well–the sequel to The Seventh Devil, coming out in 2023!)

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  3. My ex-girlfriend and I had dachshunds. One was named Oswald (boy), and the other was named Pickles (girl). Sadly, Oswald died a few years before we broke up. And when I finally called it quits with her, she decided to keep Pickles, who missed me so much that she died of a broken heart about a month later. Weiner dogs are the absolute best, in my opinion!



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  4. Another case of: be careful of what you wish for, eh?
    “Hey, we caught a skunk!” — “Crap, we caught a skunk.”

    A skunk is no longer thought to be a badger, they are of their own special family. And are, like us, true omnivores.

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  5. Skunkapalooza. I love that word, Suzanne. Lol. I hope you are now skunkless for the rest of the summer. What a stench fest. And I would have assumed that a Weiner Fest was a picnic too. Though it sounds like you could just eat Roxie and Moxie up for their cuteness. 🙂

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  6. That’s great that they allow small dogs in the antique store. That’s probably more workable than bringing in small children. Note to self: there’s a big difference between a weenie roast and a wiener fest! Learned something new today. Thanks, Suzanne! Also, two things: what’s the name of the literary magazine, please? Do y’all accept humor or “based upon” stories at all or is that usually a no go? I saw it on FB (first time) and now I can’t find it. I need to bookmark it the next time. Would you mind sending me a link? Mostly, though, major congrats on all that’s working in your favor — new publications, skunks, wine swallowed in one gulp…all the good things! Mona

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  7. Quite the menagerie you’re cultivating. I sincerely hope your, ahem, guests, have taken permanent leave you’re left with nothing but, well, nothing. I betcha those Dachshund people baited you in their incomplete message—they knew there’d be some level of disconnect, don’t you think? You can never lose with a cute domesticated quadruped! The skunks though. . .

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  8. Ah, I was also wondering about the Wiener Fest activity, and then I got to thinking how good a couple of hot dogs would be right now… But the two dachshunds sound adorable! What a great name for a dog show!

    As for the skunks, I hope that is That. They are sooo cute, though, aren’t they? One time I surprised a skunk in the woods, and we stared at each other for a few seconds. I winced and braced myself for the spray, but the skunk scampered away – and I did the same.

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