Weekend Update

Well, Happy Easter Weekend to all of those who celebrate it and Happy Weekend to those who don’t. The mydangblog household doesn’t observe Easter particularly, but we do give each other chocolate according to pagan tradition, and chocolate is one of the few life’s pleasures left to us as we’re currently under yet another “lockdown that’s not really a lockdown”. As someone on the interweb succinctly put it: “I can go to Costco, but I can’t go to my barber. My barber can go to Costco but can’t give me a haircut. We can both be in Costco at the same time—maybe he can cut my hair in Costco.” People aren’t allowed to gather in groups of more than 5 people, but come Tuesday, classrooms will be full of 30 kids per room. Ultimately, I’m never sure if this is a pandemic or just a really bad Monty Python sketch.

At any rate, before I begin, I have three updates. First, an update on the quilt. I have, as of this day’s reckoning, cut 121 squares of denim with about 300 to go. I will be attempting to purchase a rotary cutter today on the advice of my many quilting friends (you never know how many you have until you tell people you’re making a quilt), if I can find a store that’s open.

Second, thanks to all of you, I did indeed win Spillwords Press Publication of the Month, and I am very thrilled and grateful to everyone who voted or tried to vote (that site is super-finicky) or even just clicked on it to read it because that counts too.

Third, and this ties into number 2, I’ve begun the sequel to The Seventh Devil. It’s called The Devil You Know, and now I have lots of names for the characters thanks to my promise to name them after anyone who voted for me.

And off we go on another foray into the strange world of Facebook Marketplace.

1) Drama: Free

You can just tell by the photo that Amanda is a very dramatic girl. It’s amazing to me that she isn’t charging more for her drama but maybe the lockdown is getting the better of her and she’s so bored she’s just willing to give it away. So I contacted her and asked about a sample:

Me: What kind of drama are you offering?
Amanda: Low level best friend drama, mid-range passive aggressive wife, and crazy ex-girlfriend.
Me: Can I try the crazy ex-girlfriend?
Amanda; I WILL SLASH YOUR TIRES, YOU BASTARD!!
Me: Wow, that IS intense. I think I’m good.
Amanda (sobbing): So that’s it? You’re just going to leave? WHY??!! I LOVE YOU!!
Me: Okay, have a good weekend.
Amanda: You too!

2) Bookshelf: It is issued.

It wasn’t so much the bookshelf in this ad but the description, which reads “Good bookshelf. We are moving. It is issued. Has a lot of place. It is useful.” So, these people are moving due to some kind of decree? Is there a dude whose job it is to randomly evict people with bookshelves, like, “I see you have a good, useful bookshelf. I must demand that you move immediately. Leave the bookshelf behind in this place. I have spoken.” I hope he doesn’t find out how many bookshelves I have—I have no intention of moving.

3) Self-portrait: 5 dollars

This is an excellent example of a post-modern charcoal sketch in the style of a young Matisse. Personally, I would title it “Artist Holding Boom Box”, but those could be boobs. And that’s the joy of art.

4) Custom Handmade Boat: $100

What a lovely, idyllic scene: A peaceful living room with birds merrily chirping in their cage, a puppy snoozing on his pillow, the sunlight spilling in through the cracks in the boat—wait, what? I’m guessing that the genius who handcrafted this boat has never actually been in one and is unaware that the key to building a seaworthy vessel is to ensure that the water STAYS ON THE OUTSIDE. Now, you may be thinking that the person meant a good bookshelf SHAPED like a boat, but the description below simply reiterates “Custom handmade boat”. This is the stuff for which relocation decrees are issued, my friends.

Enjoy the weekend, everyone—now I’m off to cut some denim.

40 thoughts on “Weekend Update

  1. suze hartline says:

    yes, those extra votes DID count! I am so pleased my own 12 votes cast won the day for you. Believe me, it took some doing..who knew it was so difficult to find THAT many sites where I could get an email? I know an orange-haired-and-faced-ex-president to whom we should send that boat.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yay for Spillwords and the new book (it’s like that song, which I don’t think you had in mind), and the quilt. Nay for the lockdown (same here; seems like they have no idea what they’re doing).

    Do people really pay for that shit?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Congratulations on the win and also on finding some amazing deals.
    That bookshelf reminds me of the time I was standing on a corner and a guy came up to me and asked, “Do you have any issues?” I said, “Just a couple of old National Geographics.”
    What I’m getting at is I think there are typos and they meant the bookshelf has issues. Although I don’t think old National Geographics are enough to get you evicted.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Such a fun post. I laughed way to much. I love the Drama Free! And I so would have voted for you if it had allowed so thanks for making that count! I think you are all smart where you live; I think we are opening places way to early.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh yeah, a seaworthy vessel if ever I’ve seen one. The internet yields such fascinating finds. Congratulations on more good press and good wishes for the upcoming volume. “Prolific” is a word that comes to mind as it pertains to your writing these days! Cheers to continued success and less lockdown. Ugh.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Congrats on the quilting square count. And you will love the rotary cutter. Remember to get the pad for it and the straight edge. And Congrats on Spillwords. I was a trier to vote, so I would have felt bad if you didn’t win. And finally… what can I say about those ads. I was especially interested in the Drama. I love freebies. 😀 Thanks for the laugh, Suzanne.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Glad to hear your making progress on your quilt. I was wondering if anyone told you that you will need a cutting mat but see the last commenter did. I don’t have a cutting mat but use an old utility table because I don’t mind if the top gets messed up. Once the blade cuts through the fabric it might cut whatever hard surface is underneath it. Cutting mats can cost more than you paid for your sewing machine. Congrats on winning publication of the month!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Angela De Palma says:

    One of my nieces posts an instagram story every so often that highlights some of the more unique (depending on your perspective) items for sale on kijiji and facebook marketplace. It’s left me wondering how some items are chosen. Is it based on a perceived value or a lack of value? Is it based on a need, a thoughtful decision or an impulse? I suppose it’s all individual.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Congratulations on Spillwords! I hear you about the lockdown that’s not. I really want to know how they determined which objects in the store are deemed “essential” and non, for purchase. It seems that all they have accomplished is closing down aisles and shunting everyone closer together, so much for physical distancing. My kids are now on Spring Break, with an additional two week extension of homeschooling . . . sounds eerily familiar.

    Liked by 1 person

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