The Sincerest Form of Flattery

We’ve had Atlas the wonder dog for almost 7 months now, and over that time, he’s accrued a variety of nicknames. When he’s being sweet, he’s Puppy Dobkins. When he’s being rambunctious, he’s Killer MacGee. Under a variety of circumstances, he’s Buddy, and then of course, right before Christmas, he was, for a brief time, OHMYGODYOUJERK when I discovered that he had somehow gotten my car key fob off the top of the cabinet by the door and had chewed it up so badly that it no longer worked. I had to replace it to the tune of $130, and didn’t they all nod knowingly at the car dealership when I told them how it happened? But sometimes, just for fun, I’ll say to him, “Hello, Georgie. Do you want your boat back? Would you like a balloon? We all float down here,” and he just looks at me questioningly and goes back to barking at the recycling bin or THAT poodle from down the street. I am, of course, doing a very fine impression of Pennywise The Clown from the movie IT (played by Bill Skarsgard, not Tim Curry), based on the Stephen King novel of the same name. It’s such an excellent impression that when I did it the other day when Ken was in the room, and once again, he didn’t laugh or even comment, I got quite frustrated.

Me: What the hell, Ken!
Ken (innocently): What?
Me: Why don’t you EVER laugh when I do that?
Ken: Do what?
Me: That’s a really good impersonation, and you never laugh!
Ken: Who were you impersonating?
Me: Pennywise The Clown!
Ken: I think you think your impersonation is better than it is.

A little while later, Kate came down, and we (I) insisted that she listen to my very fine impression of Pennywise and give her opinion. After I demonstrated it for her and finished with a flourish, I asked her what she thought.

Kate: How candid would you like me to be on a scale of 1 to 10?
Me: So 1 is totally honest and 10 is a complete lie?
Kate: Yes.
Me: What would 10 be?
Kate: You were amazing.
Ken: (*laughs hysterically*)
Me: Well, Atlas thinks it’s awesome.
Atlas: I don’t, but you always give me a special cookie after you say it.
Me: Sigh.

Because I do a lot of good impersonations. When I was still teaching, every year for the Christmas skit, the teaching staff had to take on the personas of different musicians. One year I was Lorde performing Royals, another year I was Taylor Swift and had to sing Love Song, which I did to thunderous applause.

See? I look exactly like her. I still have the wigs from both performances, and every time I hear either song, I’m transported back to the stage. My favourite impersonation, and I’ve told the shortened version of this story sometime in the past, was the year I got drafted into a group doing KISS and was nominated to play the role of Paul Stanley, the lead singer. I went out and bought a curly black wig, some cheap leather gear at the second hand shop, and found some platform boots at the back of the closet. Another staff member did my make-up and the resemblance was remarkable as I lip synched my way through Rock and Roll All Nite with other staff members looking equally KISS-ish and awesome.

Then, just as we had finished our set, the snow started coming down like crazy, and since it was the last day before Christmas holidays, all the students and staff were sent home early. At the time, I had a very sporty low coupe, and it didn’t have winter tires, so as I was rounding the corner towards our house, I suddenly got stuck in the snow. I couldn’t move forward or backwards, and while I was literally half a block from home, I couldn’t just leave the car in the middle of the road. But then I saw a pickup truck coming so I got out and waved it down. The truck stopped and the guy got out and stood by his front bumper, looking very nervous. “Oh hey!” I called out to him. “I’m stuck. Can you help push me out?”  

He just continued to stare at me, and that’s when I realized that, while I’d taken off the wig, I was still in full KISS makeup. I had to explain to him that I’d been doing a KISS impersonation and the whole time he was pushing my car out, he stared at me suspiciously. And I think that’s because he was convinced that I WAS Paul Stanley and wanted my autograph. Because I’m THAT GOOD AT IMPRESSIONS, KEN.

And then, in a strange turn of fate, Ken just showed me the most bizarre video I’ve ever seen of a clown that looks just like Pennywise singing Royals by Lorde. It’s like my life has come full circle:

48 thoughts on “The Sincerest Form of Flattery

  1. OH…..MY…..GOD……that’s hilarious, your story about impressions, not the video. That was just too unsettling in so many ways to finish watching. Probably because I don’t like clowns since I saw Poltergeist, just creepy.

    Liked by 4 people

  2. I am still traumatized from the clown in Poltergeist so I have not watched the movie IT, nor will I ever. So the good news is that I would love your impression cause I have nothing to compare it to. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Also, I think you should just start wearing a crown all day every day. It suits you!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Having totally forgotten that I recently colored my hair crayon red, I was going on and on about my blonde moments as I was looking for my drivers license for a clerk the other day. When I finally handed her my license, she did a double take, “YOU REALLY ARE BLONDE!”….because I was such a ditz? or because of the picture? I’m still not sure

    Liked by 2 people

  4. The Paul Stanley Story is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time and, by the way, it just happens to be my browser that insists on capitalising “story” because it knows I think your experience should be turned into a film with Paul Stanley showing up. That is, of course, assuming you aren’t really Paul Stanley. Has anyone ever seen the two of you together?
    Anyway congratulations on discovering Puddles The Clown who’s also been on America’s Got Talent, which I hope raises your opinion of America somewhat, and he also lost which might raise your opinion of America even more. Although you should listen—just listen if you can’t bear to look—to his “Pinball Wizard” sung to the tune of “Folsom Prison Blues”.
    And your Pennywise impersonation must be good if Atlas needs a cookie to stick around.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Who knew? Since I don’t watch scary movies if I can help it, especially ones with creepy clowns, I wasn’t as freaked out about this guy. Man, that clown can sing! As long as I’m not alone with him, I think I’m safe! Fun story! I’m sure your impersonations rock. Family, though, whatchagonnado? Mona

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I am crying thinking about the guy helping “Paul Stanley.” 😂 I’m also super jealous you got to be the lovely and talented TS. I would love to be able to write a song like that incredible young woman can! Thank you for the smiles this evening.

    Liked by 1 person

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