I Just Want What I’m Owed; Book Advice

Whenever I go anywhere, I like to take back country roads. But the more I do, the more there’s something I’ve noticed, something I’ve become painfully, jealously aware of:

Me: I want to move to the country.
Ken: Why?
Me: Because I want a camper and a boat.
Ken: What?
Me: Because when you move to the country, you automatically get a camper and a boat. Obviously. Apparently, it’s a rule.
Ken: Whose rule?
Me: The government, I assume. Like, it must be a government program or whatnot. When you move to the country, the government gives you a camper and a boat. It’s probably some kind of incentive—you know, to reduce congestion in the cities.
Ken: You know that’s not true, right?
Me: Not true? Look around, KEN. Every single place you drive by in the country has at least one of each. Bob has TWO campers—AND a horse! See, this is why I love socialism. Universal healthcare, social security, free campers and boats. It’s awesome.
Ken: They’re NOT free! And you HATE camping.
Me: I hate camping in a TENT. I’d totally go camping in our cool free government camper.
Ken: And what about the boat? We aren’t anywhere near a lake.
Me: No one EVER IS, KEN. But we have a trailer hitch. We can tow it places. Or, it just sits next to our barn. That’s what most people do with them, as far as I can tell. It’s ‘Farm Chic’.
Ken: We’re not moving to the country.
Me: You’re so mean! I want my boat and camper. It’s only fair—I pay my taxes! I want MY DUE! (starts scrolling through Realtor.ca for a cute country property)
Ken: Sigh. Let me know if you find anything.

Unfortunately, I don’t have any pictures of a country property with a camper and a boat because the government doesn’t want people to know about it—it’s a state secret.

In other news, as an author and owner of DarkWinter Press and Literary Magazine, I often get asked what comes after the initial thrill of a book’s release. Here’s a fun little article I was asked to write by Women Writers, Women[s] Books about things you can do once your first book gets published to keep the momentum going! https://booksbywomen.org/so-your-first-novel-just-got-published-now-what/

28 thoughts on “I Just Want What I’m Owed; Book Advice”

  1. Well, as promised some time ago, we have moved to the country. The country in question being France. We’ve been here two and a half weeks and it’s been ridiculously hot, often over 35°C and occasionally over 40. We do not appear to have been given a motorhome or un bateau by the French government, but maybe it’s just early days & we have to wait for the bureaucracy to run its course. Bonne journee! 😎🇫🇷

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      • We did actually have a caravan back a couple of years ago but an October storm flooded the field we stored it in & it was written off. We explored France, England, Wales & Scotland with it. Having a different view out of the window while still being comfy with all your own stuff was great. We’d quite like to try a motorhome next and are willing to forgo the boat (which Sue wouldn’t like anyway).

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  3. I don’t live in the country, but my neighbors on one side of me have a camper, and the neighbor who used to live on the other side of me had a boat (which was sometimes parked in my yard). Of course, being Amurrica, they had to pay out of pocket for them….

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  4. Free campers and boats! Dang, it’s great to be Canadian! All we have to offer right now is the decline of human decency and democracy crashing and burning. . . BUT I am hanging in—being kind, decent, and caring in the face of the exhaustion caused by its opposite is a worthwhile and necessary (IMO) endeavor. How we love my neighbors to the north.

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  5. Ay yes, the “country”, I too want to move to the country. The funny thing is, I grew up in a very rural part of Texas. That was the country, I mean it was for me as I was surrounded by cotton farms and cattle ranches (is ranches a word?) and that’s what I thought the country was. But then when I worked in New Mexico, I traveled through the vineyards there, acres and acres of them, and that’s the country I want to live in now, lol. Oddly enough, in my neighborhood there are many, many people who have boats and RV’s kept in their yards, driveways and even out on the street. Which, to be honest, is annoying because it’s a residential neighborhood. So I’m with you sis, THE COUNTRY IT IS!! 🤣

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  7. I live in the fringes of the country. I can tell you that everyone is told to park their campers (which are often RVs) behind fences. If they can’t, the owners cover them with tarps. I always wondered why. Now I know: we’re a socialist state and people are getting free stuff, and they don’t want anyone to find out.

    They must tell this stuff at campgrounds and hiking trails. I don’t go to either. Cheers

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  11. Having moved to the country a little over two months ago I’m still waiting for the shed I can turn into a writing studio. I agree with Virginia Woolf about the need for a room of one’s own. Also we looked at one house that had four or five campers in its yard. My wife said a condition of buying it would be getting rid of those. I said “Except one.” I’d be tempted to name it “Van Beethoven” after the band.
    Also: great article! I’ve been to two book launches at a local independent bookstore by members of my writing group. The women who had their books published worked really hard and it was great to see their success. Also they had book-themed cookies!

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