Robots Everywhere

Last week, my parents moved, and as part of the process, they did a lot of downsizing, which meant Ken and I scored big time. A new Keurig, a salad spinner, a TV for our newly renovated attic, a LOT of salt, a container of the best silver cleaner I’ve ever used, and a ton of other things too numerous to mention, including this:

I’d seen the picture on the box and grabbed it on the grounds that “it’s better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it.” It wasn’t until later that I realized what they were called. “Sliding ROBOTS”? And I think someone at the table when they were workshopping the name got a little carried away:

Marketing Person 1: We need a catchy name for our cheap plastic product that makes it sound super-fancy and impressive to justify the price.

Marketing Person 2: What about E-Z Gliders? People love it when you turn words into letters, and “glider” sounds real smooth.

Marketing Person 1: Seriously Frank? Remind me why I hired you again?

Marketing Person 3: He’s your brother.

Marketing Person 1: Well, you know what they say about nepotism—keep it in the family, amiright?

Marketing Person 3: You know what people REALLY love? ROBOTS! Why don’t we call them “Gliding Robots”?

Marketing Person 1: That’s WAY too complicated. “Sliding Robots” is much more memorable.

Marketing Person 2: But they don’t have any moving parts—how can they be—

Marketing Persons 1 and 3: Shut up, FRANK.

And in honour of the Sliding Robot, I’ve decided to rename things in and around my house, thus turning them into robots. See if you can guess what these robots really do (answers at the end):

Wind Robot
Square Water Hardener Robot
Cat Feces Robot
Slicey Hot Box Robot
Dirt Navigation Robot
Mucous Robot
Focus Robot
Tubular Communication Robot
Beverage Delivery Robot
Small Portable Petroleum Combustion Robot

In other news, a few days ago, I was outside watering some plants, and when I bent over to turn off the hose tap, a swarm of wasps flew up from beneath the garden mulch and attacked me. One flew right in my eye, and I swatted it enough that it didn’t sting me IN my eye but on my lower eye lid, as the rest of them started coming in for the kill. I screamed and ran as fast as I could, right by Ken who asked, “Hey, what’s going on?” as I kept screaming. I beat the wasps into the house and proceeded to hold my eye under the cold tap but it didn’t help and OMG did it ever hurt! I iced it all night, but it swelled up like crazy to the point where I woke up the next morning and the view from my left eye was BLOCKED BY MY FACE. It’s better now, but I will never forget the sensation of a wasp crawling on my eyeball. Ick.

Here are the answers to the Robot Quiz:

Fan
Ice Cube Tray
Poop Scooper
Toaster
Wheelbarrow (or Broom)
Kleenex/Facial Tissue
Reading Glasses (or Magnifying Glass)
Pen
Glass, Mug, Keurig, or whatnot
Barbeque

Let me know how many robots you got right.

25 thoughts on “Robots Everywhere”

  2. Everywhere? We’ll have to assume you’re teasing us with your presage of our actual future.
    I’m always amazed at the natural world’s ability to evolve toxins designed solely, it would seem, to induse agony in humans. “Let’s see… Everything looks in order only, I see you’ve skipped ’cause rash, swelling, pain, or death to humans’ in your New Creature check list.” “It’s there, under, ‘harbors flesh-eating bacteria in saliva’.” “Ah, missed that. Carry on.”

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  3. I think I got four of the robots but I lost track because WASPS. They are my sworn enemy since they eat spiders. There’s something Charlotte’s Web never got to, thankfully. And wasps will sting you just for fun. Just because they can. Bees want to be left alone. Wasps will come after you for no reason. At least they’re smart. We had a few wasps get into our back patio. I killed one and left it there. Now the others stay away. They don’t want to end up like Phil. Although knowing wasps they’re out there plotting revenge.

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  8. Omg! I’m sorry that you got stung and in the eye no less, ugh. I hope your feeling better by now. I have some of those gliders, only I bought them under the name, “Furniture Gliders.” I got them when I bought my house so make it easier to move furniture on my own since I was living alone at the time. Since then, I have a “roommate” aka my son to help me now.

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  10. I was stung by a wasp over 30 years ago and it is not nice, even just on your hand. I sent the ex to the chemist and he came back with an anti-histamine that did the trick but sent me off to sleep. Glad I wasn’t the one driving.

    Has your face returned to normal yet? If not, an anti-histamine may help.

    Love the ‘robots’ too. 🙂

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