Over Rated

Ken and I began doing jigsaw puzzles during the pandemic when we were super bored and found one in a cupboard that belonged to Kate. It was Niagara Falls, all lit up, and by the time we were finished, we were hooked. Up to that point, I’d never done a jigsaw puzzle in my life and scoffed at the whole notion. Now, it’s rare not to see the puzzle board set up on our kitchen island. But good puzzles can be pricey, so we quite often get them second hand, and do swaps with my parents, who are masters at the puzzle game.

Last week, they came over with a stack, which I tucked in the closet until I was done with my latest, a 1000 piece Ravensburger that’s no longer available but that I was obsessed with. It’s called The Sanctuary of Knowledge and I’d been looking for it for ages. I finally found it on Facebook marketplace and drove quite a way to get it. I put it together, only to discover that it was missing FOUR PIECES. All that effort and no payoff. So I went to the closet and pulled out a nice 300 piece that I could do for a quick dopamine hit. I opened the box, dumped out the pieces, and saw this:

And there are so many things to unpack here. First, “Ken and June” (and I feel even more salty about the dude being named Ken because MY Ken would never do this), you two BOUGHT the puzzle. “Too short”?! Did you not see the GIANT “300 PIECES” written on the box? How long did you THINK it was going to take?

Second, who exactly are you rating this for? You gave it to a THRIFT STORE—was your intention to convey to random strangers who will never meet you that you are sophisticated and world-weary puzzle aficionados? “Ah, yes, you plebians at Goodwill might be satisfied with a mere 300 pieces, but to us, it was a waste of our precious time. We crave the chaos of frustration; give us not the ease of rapidity.”

Also, the rating was on the INSIDE of the box, so it wouldn’t even help a potential puzzler make a decision.

And what kind of rating system IS this anyway? You docked the puzzle THREE WHOLE POINTS for taking exactly as long as a 300 piece puzzle should take? That’s like me getting a 1-star review for my first novel, which very clearly states on the cover that it’s about a sixteen-year-old girl, from a 70-year-old man who didn’t like it because it was about a sixteen-year-old girl. SERIOUSLY.

But despite the terrible rating from “Ken and June”, I did the puzzle anyway, and really enjoyed it. Then I got to the end and no, there weren’t any pieces missing this time; in fact, there was one EXTRA piece that didn’t even belong to this “short” puzzle. I just hope Ken and June didn’t give the puzzle it belonged to a 10 out of 10, because they’ve lost the little credibility they had left:

Puzzle person: Ooh, I can’t wait to do this 2000 piece puzzle…what’s this written inside the box? “A masterful creation, complex and time-consuming, but well worth the Herculean effort. 10 out of 10”, signed “Ken and June”. What a ringing endorsement!

Four days later…

Puzzle person (staring at completed 2000 piece puzzle with one piece missing): Curse you, Ken and June! Curse you straight to hell!

41 thoughts on “Over Rated”

  3. I haven’t done puzzles since I was a kid… but I remember with a few of them, I’d carefully flip over the finished puzzle and draw and color something on the back of it… turning it into a two-way puzzle! Ken and June would would love it, though probably think my drawing was only 5/10…

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  4. The puzzle to me is, do Ken and June even know what “terrific” means? That’s a a superlative that’s worthy of at least an 8 out of 10. When I was in school 70 out of 100 was just one point above failing. I hope Ken and June weren’t teachers. I’d hate to get back a paper with “Terrific writing, great use of sources, good conclusion but too short. D-.”

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    • Ken and June are too pretentious for words. I wonder what they would have given my puzzle: “Terrific. There were four pieces missing so it took a lot longer than we expected. 10 out of 10!”

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  13. I enjoy putting puzzles together. We vacation with another couple, renting a house on the Oregon coast. They are always excited that we have a puzzle to do. Part of the approval process is, does the rental have a place for a puzzle table?

    I once turned a puzzle back to ‘the library of things’. Nex day, I found a piece on he floor! I checked the time and raced to the library to restore the piece to the box where it belonged. But I worried…did a second piece fall free of the box at the same time?

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  14. Oh my…can I ever relate! I haven’t done a physical jigsaw in decades, but I do the online ones, and I still remember the joy of completing one of those 3D ones. I think it was a Chateau in France… -nostalgic sigh- I think I got sick of dusting it. 😦

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  18. Puzzles would be a nice way to stay calm and ignore the craziness. Unfortunately, we have 4 cats that would destroy them. Have you ever played Sudoku? It is funny I probably do not have the patience for puzzles, but I can play Sudoku for hours!

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