Radio Goo-Goo; Fun With Facebook Ads

It’s been an insane week.

I’ve barely recovered from my inaugural radio show hosting gig—it could have been a total disaster but the previous host, Richard, generously offered to join me just in case. Things were going swimmingly—the first two guests were friends, and we’d discussed some topics for conversation before they did their readings. I was managing both the time and the audioboard (? I have no idea what it’s actually called but it looks like this:

) and aside from a minor issue at the beginning where I wasn’t close enough to the microphone, things were great. Ken gave me a thumbs up from the Green Room, and I settled in to begin the one pre-recorded segment that I had. I introduced the guest and then slid up the auxiliary and started the recording. Nothing. Dead air. I panicked, like I literally didn’t know what to do except put some music on while I tried to figure out what was wrong. Richard jumped up and came over. He stared at the board for a second, then hit a button and the audio was playing, but it was mid-way through. I stopped it, slid up my microphone and said, quite cheerfully for someone who was about to have a complete nervous breakdown, “Oh, it seems we had a little glitch. Let me just restart that audio,” which I did. And then everything was fine, aside from my heart pounding. “You didn’t have the auxiliary channel turned on,” Richard said, in a very kind way. The show finished and I breathed a sigh of relief—I’ll know better for next month.

And just when I thought I was in the clear, I found out the next day that it was MY job to download the audio, edit it, and upload it to the station’s website with images. EDIT THE AUDIO?? Richard sent me the link to an audio trimmer and I did my best but it still had a big gap of that dead air in the middle. So I did what any normal person would do—I asked my daughter Kate for help. Literally two minutes later, she’d edited out all the glitches and dead air—something I hadn’t been able to do in over an hour, and I’m so happy that we let her spend so much time on the computer when she was a kid. So now, if you go to the radio station website and click on the audio link, I sound incredibly competent, thanks to Richard and Kate.

Then on Saturday, I had a book event at one of the big book store chains in a city nearby. I normally do these for my publishing company—it’s rare that I do a book event for myself, but with Dark Nocturnes just coming out, it seemed like a good idea. My last one of these at a different bookstore was a disaster, with the staff putting me as far away from the main part of the store as possible and then just leaving me to languish and field customer questions like “Where can I find the latest Louise Penny mystery?” But this time, it was lovely, and the manager congratulated me and told me I’d broken the record for most books sold at one of their events. The previous record was 7. I sold 8 books. Yay me.

And since the previous part of this post wasn’t that funny, I leave you with these:

I don’t know what a ‘funeral saddle’ is, but I just love that the item description is “Still tons of life in them’. Unlike the people that the funerals are for.

This one is very confusing. Fer $260, apperently you can ter the ‘Sters’ out of this guy’s house. How is he getting upsters now? Is he installing an eleverter? Perhaps a fer escape? Maybe a wrought iron circerler stercase? I mean, come on—it’s not a hard werd to spell, people.

And finally, from the geniuses that brought you the Face-Eating Leopard Party, here’s an ad that I like to call “How f*cking stupid are you?” This is an offer to do several illegal stunt driving tricks that will not only get your license suspended but may even get you some jail time—if you’re caught. WILL they be caught? Well, illiterate Mensa champion Josh, who posted this ad, not only provided his OWN NAME, but also the license plate number of the car ‘me and my buddy’ are going to use to annoy ‘ur’ ex, as well as their location. All for the low, low price of 100 bucks. Cue police sirens…

31 thoughts on “Radio Goo-Goo; Fun With Facebook Ads”

  3. A few weeks ago when I was on the radio I tried to steady myself by thinking what you, any normal person, would do. So I made sure I knew where the cough button was. You’re very lucky you can pre-record and edit, though I’m sure you’re very good at off-the-cuff remarks. Also for $10–Canadian dollars only, so loonies, please—I will drive up and down your street at 5 kilometers below the limit to prevent speeders.

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    • Yes, two live guests, which went fine, then a prerecorded author—some people live too far away to come into the studio. If I could prerecord the entire show, that would be amazing! And I will take you up on your offer—10 bucks in loonies is a cheap (although physically heavy) price to pay!

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  5. barbaramullenix's avatar barbaramullenix says:

    I’m impressed you made it through the broadcast without hurling. I’d have been a nervous wreck. How much to pay Richard to be there every time you go on air? Or your daughter? Congratulations on the radio show AND the bookstore success!

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  10. For a bottle of good Canadian wine, I’ll borrow my friend’s ex-police car (which still looks like a police car) and park it on the side of the street to prevent people from racing up and down the street.

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    • We actually had someone do that with an old car that they painted to look like a police car. It was on one of our township roads— very effective. But the cops made them get rid of it—apparently it’s illegal to imitate a police vehicle 🙄

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  12. You pulled it off, Suzanne. I would have been having heart palpitations. Thank goodness you have good sidekicks. And thanks for the entertainment. People are so brainless I can’t decide whether to laugh or be scared!

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