Knocking It Off

One of the nice things about having an antiques and collectibles business is that I get to go shopping frequently. Thrift shopping to be exact. I’ve always been a thrifter, ever since I was a teen and the trend with my friend group was vintage 50s clothing done up in ‘New Wave’ style. The only place to get things like that was, of course, second hand shops. There were some good ones locally, like The Recovery Room, and then of course, there were more than you could count in Toronto, particularly in Kensington Market. One of my favourites was a place called ‘Courage, My Love’, even though I could only make the trek there by Greyhound once in a blue moon, living an hour and a half away from the big city. Now of course, I can go wherever I want, being a grown-ass adult with a car. And also, there are a lot more thrift stores now than ever—Goodwill, the Sally Ann, Talize, and of course, Value Village. A lot of my buying and selling lately has been around vintage and designer handbags and accessories, so wasn’t I THRILLED this past week when I went over to the showcase in Goodwill (the showcase is where they put all the stuff that they THINK is valuable—often it’s not, but it’s still worth taking a look) and lo and behold, there was a set of Louis Vuitton baby clothes, brand new, in the original box for only $14.99! Did I buy it? You’re darn tootin’ I did. And I was feeling pleased as punch with myself for finding such a treasure, even though I was pretty sure it was a knock-off set. But then, I always price things very reasonably and never make the claim that anything is REAL Louis Vuitton unless I can validate the date code. The baby set though—who the heck would ever know? It was adorable, and looked real in every way…until I closely read the description of the articles contained therein:

Now, Louis Vuitton is a French brand, so I can imagine that they could afford proper translations of their products. I mean, ‘trousers’—okay, that’s what some people MIGHT call them, but ‘Jacket For Body’? I was starting to suspect that this set was produced somewhere other than France. By the time I got to ‘Mankerchief’, I was 90% certain that hands rather than les mains had produced this set. ‘Bip’ proved to be the death knell for my excitement. Then I looked more closely at the box (Narrator: she finally put on her reading glasses instead of squinting) and in the bottom corner of the box, there was a small logo that said, ‘Turkey’. And I don’t know whether that meant the set was made in Turkey or whether a turkey reverse-engineered the descriptions into English, but either way, the re-sell price dropped significantly. Still, someone out there isn’t going to care about the packaging and will dress their baby, or their dog, or their teddy bear, in a really adorable mankerchief, body with coordinating jacket for body, and beret, and everyone will say, “Ooh fancy!” Or “Ooh, with a whirl way!”

In other news, I have to go into work early to help set up the Santa Photo Booth (for all ages including pets) so I’ll catch up with you later and yes I love my job. Then I’ll be on the radio reading from my new work in progress, Murder Most Novel. I just received a grant to write the rest of it so I better get cracking!

32 thoughts on “Knocking It Off”

  2. Years ago, I recall assembling a toy as a Christmas gift for my niece—who would later become my adopted daughter. The task was made infinitely more challenging by the instructions, which were written in atrociously translated English.

    “Take piece A and make friendship with piece B. Push together with joy until happiness clicks. Do not sadness if no click—try again stronger!”

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  3. It’s the “beret” that makes the set for me. It’s already a cheap knockoff of a French product so I imagine the baby speaking like Maurice Chevalier, twirling a little mustache and going, “Haw haw haw”. That could be turned into lucrative videos on TikTok. Enough to make your $14.99 back.

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  6. Ohh, congrats on the grant for finishing your book! As for the knock off Louis Vuitton baby clothes, well translations to English are atrocious sometimes. But I’m pretty sure you can get your money back. Can’t wait for the new book!

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  7. A “grant”? Sheesh, some writers… (Where do I sign up?)
    How often do you come across a “monkey’s paw”, “cat tail”, or “bear claw”, of the obviously cursed variety? And somehow avoid its purchase? (That last one, notwithstanding, were you to find it in a pastry shoppe.)

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