A Loo Like No Other

So Ken and I are currently travelling across the Atlantic on a large boat, the Queen Mary 2 to be precise. We’re on our way to the UK to visit family with my parents. Currently, Ken is driving me crazy by suggesting things I can write (“tell them you hate jazz”) because he’s too cheap to pay for the wifi plan and he is bored. “God help you if you were ever locked in the bathroom with me,” he just opined. And yes, that would be horrible. Not because of Ken, who has stopped talking about his tendency to flatulate in small spaces when he realized I was writing everything he said down, but because the bathroom in our stateroom, while frustratingly typical in that the flush mechanism is BEHIND the toilet lid, forcing you to TOUCH the lid in order to flush the toilet, is extremely small and very strange. Here’s a photograph:

I’m not certain what the builders of this ship thought people would be doing in the bathroom but it’s set up like a weird bar. Not only is there the strange, prerequisite metal toilet paper cover that makes a perfect place to put your cocktail, but above that, there’s an ashtray, and mounted on the door, there’s a bottle opener. So what? I’m sitting on the can drinking beer and having a smoke, waiting for the disco to start in the shower? Ken has interrupted to remind me to tell you that “we met Seth”. Who is Seth? I have no idea. Apparently he works remotely and is doing a global cruise. Anyway, I’ve given Ken a ball of wool to bat around and amuse himself with while I finish this post in the theatre where we’re waiting for a show to start. The theatre, fortunately, is bigger than our bathroom but without the ashtrays, bottle openers, and potential disco dancing. Or Seth.

36 thoughts on “A Loo Like No Other”

  2. You’re coming to the UK! Whoop! Are you going to be anywhere near the East Midlands?

    Maybe the bottle opener is in the bathroom so that if you spill any of the drink it doesn’t go on the carpet?

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  7. I know some people—mostly guys—who have turned their hotel rooms into the “party room” by filling the bathtub with ice and sodas or beer, or both. Where they bathed I don’t know. It also doesn’t seem that common so I don’t know if it has any connection to bottle openers always being put in bathrooms. Anyway I want to hear more about how you hate jazz.

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  8. May I suggest a sacrifice of (gasp) spilled wine, perhaps into that porcelain urn, to your protector on this journey, Seth, Egyptian god of chaos and violence.
    I assume you’re on the starboard side… POSH

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  10. Oh heavens! I never though you’d write that Ken is driving you mad because he’s bored, lol. I mean I know that you write about you back and forth banter, you know your clocks, the mini rooms and of course him using your S mug. But dang, he really does need a hobby 🤣.

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