Tweet Tweet, Twiddle Twiddle

There are numerous reasons to get off the app formerly known as Twitter: the majority of people on there now are racist, sexist, homophobic, and transphobic. It used to be that Twitter brought people together—for example, I thought that there were many things about myself that I thought were specific to me, and then I learned I was not, in fact, unique, which was actually a comfort. What the internet taught me mostly is that the things I thought were strange and quirky about myself (“mydangblog…strange and quirky?!” I hear you whispering in shock) are traits that a great many other people share. Imagine 100 years ago not knowing that having upwards of 8 decorative pillows on your bed was perfectly reasonable? Or that there were other people who not only knew what “the good tea towel” was, they also got upset when someone used it to wipe the counter? Here are a couple of other examples:

I was shocked to learn that I am NOT the only person who does this. Whenever I take a plate of chicken out to the BBQ, I grab the tongs, and the first thing I do, immediately, is to click the tongs together, like “Clang, c-clang, clang”. The only difference between me and the author of this tweet is that I don’t REALLY do it to make sure they work. I mean, that’s part of it for sure, but for me, it’s more of a swashbuckler-y type thing. I like to imagine that I’m a grilling female Errol Flynn, and when I clang them, I also do a little lunge and a quick parry. I sometimes end with a flourish and a bow because that’s how I roll.

A while ago, Ken and I had a family get together, and someone left a fork behind. It was a f*cking weird fork, all flat and plain and whatnot, completely unlike all my other normal, human forks. But every time I reached into the cupboard to grab a fork, IT was the one I always came out with. Once, I actually said out loud to it, “I hate you, stupid fork.” Then one day, I got fed up, and I threw it in the garbage. So I apologize to whatever family member it belonged to, but seriously, if I come to your house and see the rest of your terrible forks, they’re all going in the trash.

This is kind of like the opposite of Number 4, and while the person who wrote this tweet doesn’t understand proper punctuation (and thanks to the internet, I know I’m not the ONLY one who cares about things like this), it’s true. Just the other day, Ken came into the room. My first reaction was to say, “What are you doing?!” His response was to pause for a moment, so that he could do a mental scan to try and figure out why I was asking him that.

Ken: Um…nothing?
Me: Why are you using my mug?
Ken: (nervously scoffs) This isn’t your mug.
Me: Uh, yes it is.
Ken: No, it’s not—your name’s not written on it.
Me: There’s a giant f*cking “S” on both sides, Ken.
Ken: We have tons of other mugs. Use one of those.
Me: I could offer you THE SAME ADVICE, KEN!!

So yes, social media has some positives. On the other hand, I’m seriously thinking of getting off it completely for one reason and one reason only: TEMU. Every time I go on any social media, I’m immediately inundated by ads for Temu. I don’t know what Temu is, I don’t know what Temu does, except that it has annoyed me to the point of rage. Especially this ad which appears on every third post as I’m scrolling, regardless of what platform I’m on:

Who the hell is this child and why is she wearing that cheap-ass T-shirt?!! Why would I want to buy that T-shirt??!! And why has Temu been showing me the same godforsaken ad for a small girl in a stupid T-shirt all day and all night for several weeks now??!!! And what is it that her MAMA HAS???!!! I’ve never bought anything from them and now I NEVER will, but I can’t even block the ad, because when I try, it takes me IMMEDIATELY TO THEIR WEBSITE BUT DOESN’T SHOW ME THE T-SHIRT SO I WILL NEVER KNOW. Temu? F* u.

37 thoughts on “Tweet Tweet, Twiddle Twiddle”

  1. The singer known as Meatloaf proclaimed that he would do anything for love, but he won’t do that. The singer, Michael Lee Aday, passed away before telling the world what he wouldn’t do. It is a lot like the picture of the young girl in the shirt where the picture is cropped in such a way that we will never know what her mother has.

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  2. I live alone and never have company, so I have ONE plate, ONE plastic plate for microwave stuff, ONE bowl, ONE cup…. etc., all of which get washed immediately after I use them so I never have to do dishes. I do have a drawer full of silverware, but not much you can do about that since they can only be bought in sets or bundles. And I stock that area at work, and am always amazed at how many different styles of silverware there are. I couldn’t even tell you what design is on my silverware, if it even has any….

    I get the Temu ads on some of the websites I visit, which I shouldn’t since I have an ad blocker, but still. I’m pretty sure the girl, like most models for T-shirt printing sites, just has whatever shirt they’re trying to sell copy/pasted onto her. They did that stuff at Cafepress all the time since I know they never had anybody actually wear any of the Evil Squirrel merchandise I sold on there….

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  4. I feel you Suzanne, I don’t have social media for this reason exactly, too much hate of everything and everyone. Wow, I also do all those things as well (as I drink coffee from my favorite mug) because I suppose as we get older it’s just habit, lol. Ugh, I hate TEMU, all they do is sell pure unadulterated junk! I’ve never bought anything from TEMU and I never will. You need to get Len a huge mug with a big, bold K on it 🤣

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  5. I have a weird fork. It’s large and flat and has three tines. I found it in college. I was going through the line in the dining hall, getting tuna casserole and Jell-o even though I hate Jell-o, and in the utensils I saw this weird fork so I grabbed it. Then, after I washed it (I’m not a monster) I slipped it into my coat pocket. The dining hall people didn’t like anyone taking anything out—a friend of mine got yelled at for taking an apple to eat later—so taking the fork felt like an act of rebellion. I rarely use it for eating but I still like it.
    And I have a pint glass that says “Sometimes you’re not in the mood for what everyone else is having.” No one else can use it because it speaks only to me.

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  6. barbaramullenix's avatar barbaramullenix says:

    As a child with 2 older brothers who were into cowboys, we had cutlery with Hopalong Cassidy imprinted on the handles. Over the years, they all vanished except for one knife. I expect it’s worth a fortune now, but my husband, annoyed that that stupid knife kept winding up in his hand instead of a ‘real’ knife, finally tossed it (without my knowledge). How do the ‘ugly ducklings’ always manage to work their way up to the top of the pile?

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  7. Yes–I am sick of TEMU as well, but now that I’ve typed this into a comment somewhere on the internet, I’m doomed to see it all over the place–and I’ve probably contaminated your neck of the woods even more now, but just think of the things we can write!

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  10. I agree on all points, cup, fork, etc. – however, all the ladies here in this over 55 complex order everything from Temu. It’s very inexpensive, the quality is good but every time I see Temu or SHEIN I picture child labor…😡

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  12. Hell, when I bought a new set of BBQ tongs, I clicked them together a few times to test the tension and see how they came together (and I always do that when I used them). Back when I was buying them, I then used them in the store to pick up things off shelves in the area around me. I turned around to see a cashier standing there staring at me. I told her, “You gotta test them out before you buy them.”

    She nodded without smiling and turned away.

    My mother has several weird forks in her kitchen drawer. They don’t fit the rest. I asked her why she had them, etc., and she just shrugged, but then laughed at the look I gave her.

    I try to be generous and tolerant, but weird forks don’t belong. Not unless they’re all weird. Then you have a weird collection, which is okay.

    Mugs…yeah. I don’t touch my wife’s mug(s), and she leaves mine alone. We’ve been married almost 50 years, and that might be one of the unspoken secrets to success.

    Cheers, M

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  13. Oh you Kindred spirit you! The Offspring uses all the mugs in the cupboard except…MINE! I get horribly attached to a certain mug because of how it feels in my hand and the thin porcelain of the rim. That affects my enjoyment of my coffee and no one, no…one…messes with my coffee!

    -cough- the Offspring does have a special fork though. I’m not allowed to use that fork on pain of death. We get along. 🙂

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  14. At this point, Suzanne, the only social-media service I use (and still enjoy) is Goodreads. I haven’t deactivated my X account — I guess I’m just waiting for the platform to implode — but I seldom check it and haven’t tweeted in ages. (I don’t have Facebook, Instagram, or TikTok accounts.) My author blog is pretty much my online HQ, because at least I control the content and conversations. Social media has just gotten to be so unbelievably toxic, and, besides which, why should I spend my time and attention producing content for the technofeudalists?

    Even as a marketing platform, I’d say social media is one notch above useless, because the algorithms have made it impossible to break through all the noise. I was not one of the first adopters of social media, and I’ve never been particularly enthusiastic about it, but I’m continually surprised by how many friends and colleagues are abandoning it, either by deactivating their accounts or leaving them unattended.

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