That’s My Name

Last Tuesday, I was in full recovery mode from our trip—jetlag was over, the unpacking was finally done (yes, I took my time, don’t judge me), and we were back to routine. I was at the computer, working on the new book that DarkWinter Press is releasing soon (a poetry collection titled Ever Striding Edge by the wonderful Paul Brookes, and you can see the gorgeous cover, created by wonderful artist Jane Cornwell, at the end of this post) and revising my own manuscript for Nomads of the Modern Wasteland after receiving a lot of feedback from both Kate and Ken. I decided to take a break, as one does, and peruse my social media. Lo and behold, there was a notification that I had received a comment on a vacation photo (I believe the photo was one of the whale tails from our excursion). I checked the comment and it was this:

Not only am I charming, but also attractive and stunning? Wow! I was almost sold on this guy but then he said: “You have the name with my late wife”? Do you mean to tell me, James Sam Gibson, that your dead wife was ALSO called Suzanne Craig-Whytock?! What kind of crazy coincidence is THAT? And how did it come to be? Your last name is Gibson, so wouldn’t she be Suzanne Craig-Gibson? Or did she take on the name, kind of a nom de plume, after reading about the semi-famous writer, Suzanne Craig-Whytock?

Donna Gibson: My darling James. I have come to a sudden decision. I hope you won’t think it too impetuous of me.
James Sam Gibson: My darling honeyboobookins. Whatever is it that you have decided? A new hairstyle perchance? I do love a good bob, as you are well aware.
Donna Gibson: Alas, no. Please gird your loins against that particular disappointment. The decision is regarding my name. I have recently come across a marvellous writer—a strange person yes, but someone with a wonderful way of words, nonetheless, a true inspiration. And thus, I will be changing my name from the somewhat mundane Donna Gibson to…SUZANNE CRAIG-WHYTOCK!!
James Sam Gibson: Oh my darling! What an incredible choice! And of course, when you die, I shall reach out to your namesake and attempt to rekindle our love with HER!
Donna Gibson: It is indeed a wise path to take. And now I must go and buy several clocks.
James Sam Gibson: But my darling turtledove, we already have a clock.
Donna Gibson/Suzanne Craig-Whytock: As a wise, charming, attractive, and stunning woman once told me, you can never have too many clocks.

Anyway, as you can imagine, I deleted the comment and blocked the troll. What is with these bot accounts anyway? If you knew anything at all about me, you’d know that if I was single,  “former military Christian widower” is the very last thing I’d ever be interested in. Now, if the profile said “Retired clockmaker and man about town with a penchant for designer handbags. Ask me which bathroom in my Victorian mansion is my favourite”, then you might have a shot.

In other news, I forgot to tell you that the weirdest thing about our cruise was that one of the lounges was booked every day for a “Private Function.” And that function was “KNITOPIA”. Yes, a very large number of passengers on the ship were there as part of a large knitting group. No, not a company that specialized in woollen textiles—an actual unrelated factum of knitters. While the rest of us were on shore excursions exploring Greenland, they were sitting in their windowless lounge knitting. While we were watching incredible Cirque du Soleil type shows, they were sitting in their windowless lounge knitting. While we were enjoying the social activities or watching the glassblowing in the Hot Glass Studio, they were sitting in their windowless lounge knitting. At one point, Ken and I were coming back from a fun game show in the Observation Lounge—it was after 10 pm, and as we went by the knitting lounge, there were about 50 people in it and they were all watching A KNITTING VIDEO and following along as the person in the video knitted one’d and purled two’d. I ask you—what the hell is the point of spending that kind of money on a cruise, if all you do is sit in a room and knit? And apparently, they had to pay EXTRA to reserve the lounge for 12 days. I actually saw one of them when we were in Greenland—she was sitting at a café table inside the local grocery store and SHE WAS KNITTING. Seriously—give me 10 grand and I will make your meals and turn down your bed every day while you knit in the comfort of your own home. And I’ll be charming and attractive and stunning while I do it.

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27 thoughts on “That’s My Name”

  1. I’m sure that James Sam Gibson’s late wife died of natural causes, because it’s just an urban myth that serial killers always go by their first and middle names. Or maybe she faked her death to get away from him and join the knitting cult?

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  2. His name is James Sam Gibson (his friends call him Jim Bob,) and he wants to “add you up.” Because you have “a name with” his late wife, so you could “know each other.” Nope nope nope nope

    No, not a serial killer, but just from Oklahoma City. Probably the loan manager over at Jim Ed Grant Ford (It’s an Oklahoma kind of car!)*

    *covered with red dirt. No tires on the rims.

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  3. Whoa….that comment is creepy. Even if it was a bot, it’s like, no you weirdo I don’t care if your late wife had the same name as I do…eewww. Knitting on a cruise!? What a waste of money and time, go knit in your own home ya fun sucking people, lol. It sounds like your all rested up and ready to resume your Player One persona, lol.

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    • Player One is back and Player One don’t knit!! Again, why the hell would you spend thousands of dollars on a cruise where you just knit? And I’m not exaggerating–they have a website where they’re advertising Knitopia 2025–it’s at least $5500 for one person in an inside cabin!

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  4. I love how you can turn a troll-bot comment into a laugh, Suzanne (or is it Donna? I’m so confused). And weird about the knitting group going on a cruise and missing all the activities in order to knit. But to each her own, I guess. 😀

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  5. It seems that if you’re addressing Gibson by his first name, keep it formal: No “Jim” or “Jimmy,” thank you very much. But if you’re addressing him by his middle name, there’s no need to stand on ceremony and call him “Samuel” when “Sam” will do. Weird, huh?

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  6. Everyday, the % of bot-generated content on the net goes up and up. Within a few years “proof as human” will have been tried and failed. We’ll accept that nothing on the net can be assumed to represent reality and we’ll all resort back to face2face interactions. Which will only last for a decade or so while true cyborgs are built by secret labs in Wuhan China.

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  10. So he’s a former military Christian widower. I’m very intrigued to know what he is now. I know how you can be a former Christian, and I suppose it’s possible to be a former widower by remarrying, although it doesn’t seem like a way anyone would describe themselves. I also thought even retired military personnel consider themselves military for life. And now he can add former commenter on your Facebook account!

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  13. I just did an online search for the Knitopia Cruise 2025 (on the Danube), and my mind is blown. WHO KNEW people would go on a cruise just to knit and learn more about knitting?

    Of course, that is totally different from the TCM Cruise I’ve been looking at, where you go on a cruise to just watch movies…

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