A Colourful Little Number

You may remember me telling you that in December, I submitted my humour book What Any Normal Person Would Do to a fairly prestigious competition, The Leacock Medal for Humour. I was worried that my books wouldn’t be received by the deadline, since I’d decided so late in the year to submit, but I got notified that they’d made it safely into the hands of the judges. As part of the competition, every entrant gets put on the website along with the title of their submission, a headshot, and a biography. My headshot was really cute, featuring me wearing a black leather vest just to give me a little bit of a bad-ass vibe. I know I probably don’t stand a chance because Rick Mercer published ANOTHER book last year, and there are quite a few other famous Canadian humourists from huge publishing houses on the list. But still, I was excited to see myself on the website. I went there last week and called up the list. I scanned. I scanned. I continued scanning, but I wasn’t worried because I assumed that since it wasn’t in any kind of alphabetical order that I could discern, then it must be in the order that submissions were received. And then finally, I found myself:

Me: OMG. You won’t guess where I am on the list!
Ken: At the very top.
Me: I love how supportive you are, but no!
Ken: Where are you then?
Me: Number 69!!

And it just seemed so damned appropriate that a weirdo like me with the most absurd sense of humour would be NUMBER 69. I laughed my ass off and then I did what any normal person would do—I posted it on Facebook. And it’s a credit to my friends that only ONE person even remarked upon it. I had 88 likes and 39 comments and NONE of them aside from the first person mentioned it at all! I mean, the congratulations were wonderful, but I hadn’t posted it to brag or anything—I just thought it was outrageously funny, and then I felt dumb because no one else did, and then I was worried that I might have offended people and they were too nice to say anything about it. But then I went to get a tattoo and I was telling my tattoo artist about the whole thing:

Me: And I’m on the list…at number 69.
Tattoo Guy: WHAT? Bwah haha! That’s hilarious! Of all the numbers to get, you had to get the dirtiest one!
Me (relieved): I know, right?!
Tattoo Guy: Well, now you’ve got to win.

So yeah. That’s me. Number 69. I feel like I’ve already won.

In other news, Ken and I are still hard at work on transforming one of our bedrooms into a secret library room with the idea of turning the whole back part of the house (bedroom, secret library, and private bathroom) into a Writer’s Retreat that we can rent out. We’ve been doing it on a dime, getting furniture and accessories second-hand and so far haven’t been scammed like we were initially. We got a gorgeous leather loveseat from a lady for fifty bucks on the condition that we also took the sofa, which was badly damaged. But the dump was on our way home, and if you know anything about me, you know I LOVE the dump. But sadly, this was the kind of dump where they watch you ALL THE TIME to make sure you don’t take anything that other people have dumped. How fair is that? Then we finally got the loveseat home only to discover, after Ken and our neighbour made several attempts, that it was too big to go up the stairs. So now, I have a gorgeous leather loveseat in my office on the main floor and my green leather couch is in the new secret library. I hope people appreciate my sacrifice.

35 thoughts on “A Colourful Little Number”

  1. I do think that if the list had been published in the local high student newspaper, you would have gotten the recognition and notoriety that you deserve!

    But, anyway, congrats on making the list (tee hee) no matter what ranking you got!

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  3. Let’s address the 69 in the room because that’s hilarious. And it seems to be a universal number. Or at least a pretty widespread joke. I was in an Austrian cathedral in 1988 and the tour guide gleefully showed us a medieval carving in a bench of two people…well, the guide called it a 69. I was pretty young and still knew exactly what she meant.
    Is it weird, though, that I’m more interested in your writer’s retreat? Some retreat spaces I’ve seen are so impersonal. I like ones that have individual touches, that reflect the people who created them.

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  5. I think 69 is a great number, yes it’s dirty but also historically, lol. The year the first man landed on the moon (if you don’t believe the conspiracy theorist and their ramblings.). Woodstock happened, Sesame Street premiered, the Beatles Abby Road album was recorded and the novel The Godfather was release. Oh, and The Huntress was born, lol. So you see, you’ve got to win for sure now!! Congrats Suzanne to my favorite Canadian humorist!!

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  7. Lol. Well, someone had to get 69, Suzanne, and why not give it to someone who would appreciate the “position.” Hehe. And I love your idea of a secret library suite as a writing retreat. Oh, how fun. Does it include room service?? 

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  8. Love the new tattoo! And, I look forward to more updates on the humor book contest 🙂 If nothing else, you could write an entire book about entering the contest and your placement number on the list–and then submit again next year!

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  9. Your never ending roll of activity. Can’t wait for the next installment.

    Start a twitch channel where you teach humor writing and clock repair, your handle of course would be PlayerOneO’clock.

    Host international authors in your secret writer’s retreat; they’ll record getting lost in your library.

    Start a writer’s contest based on knickknacks you photograph from your flea market.

    …

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  10. Love the tattoo! You just need Scylla on your other shoulder to place your head between the two 😉

    Sounds like a very interesting book & I’ll keep an eye out for release!

    On the subject of that number, the motorway between Coventry and Leicester is the M69 (mmm69). Last weekend Cov (my team) hosted Lestah in the “M69 Derby” as it’s known. Stuffed them 3-1 😁

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  11. Charybdis! I had to look her up. Nice tattoo! Just reading a compilation of various theories on ancient origins “Lost Secrets of the Gods” At this point, I am reading the chapter is on Homer’s real Troy and about actual geographic places where Charybdis might be – in the Atlantic. She was the daughter of the sea god Pontus and Gaia. (A whirlpool that wrecked ships) okay then. Heavy stuff. Best of Luck on the competition!

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