Water, Water, Everywhere

On Tuesday night (or was it morning? —it was dark), I woke up to yet another pounding rainstorm. I immediately had a panic attack, because we live in a very old house, built in 1906, with the grossest basement you could imagine. For the last 17 years, the basement occasionally gets damp in the spring but then dries out in the summer and we’ve never had a flood—until this spring when the sump pump stopped working and suddenly there were several inches of water. Ken fixed the pump, but the constant rain here has made the basement even wetter than normal, causing me to go into Worst-Case Scenario mode, thinking the whole house was going to come down around our ears thanks to a crumbling foundation. I lay awake for a while, tossing and turning, until eventually Ken woke up:

Ken: What’s wrong? Why did you wake me up?
Me: The basement. It’s going to flood again.
Ken: No, it won’t. The sump pump is running. It’s an old house; there’s nothing we can do.

Oh really?! The gauntlet was thrown. I immediately began planning exactly what we were GOING to do first thing the next morning, which was a) buy a rain barrel so that the excess moisture didn’t sink into the ground, and b) plant more plants in the garden to replace the ones that Ken killed last year by insisting on “breaking the roots apart” when he planted them, thereby leaving large gaps where the water wasn’t getting absorbed by flora and roots and whatnot. And then I insisted on telling Ken the plan right then and there, causing him to groan and whine about “needing to sleep.” Well, I’m sorry KEN, but this is our equity, and I won’t have it ruined by stupid rain. And the climate gods were with me, because we set out the next morning to buy a rain barrel, which are relatively expensive, and we came across a yard sale that had one for 5 bucks. We installed it, and planted some shrubberies (the kind without deep root systems that might damage the foundation) and it all looked very nice. Later that day, there was an absolute deluge, but Ken had fixed all the downspouts so they went into the rain barrel instead of into the ground next to the foundation. And everything would be great if it would just STOP F*CKING RAINING because now I keep having to empty the rain barrel and find something to do with all the water that’s accumulating BECAUSE OF THE F*CKING RAIN.

So in between stressing about the rain ruining my house and dealing with Atlas, who got sprayed by the same skunk AGAIN, it’s been a hard few days. But then, yesterday morning, the sun came out again for the second day in a row (gasp), and I decided it was time to mow the lawn. I’d been putting it off based on my previous experience on the John Deere Death Machine, but not being one to give up easily, I decided to try again. This time, I wore a better bra and went a little slower, and it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as the first time. I think I only screamed twice—once because I went down a hill more quickly than I’d intended and second because I badly misjudged the clearance on a group of very sharp spruce boughs. Later, I was talking to my mom:

Mom: What did you do this morning?
Me: I mowed the lawn.
Mom: You did WHAT?!
Me: I mowed the lawn.
Mom: Are you okay?!
Me: Yes, except for a few scratches on my neck. But my boobs are fine.
Mom: Oh good!
Me: And it was lucky too, because it’s supposed to rain all afternoon.
Mom: I’ll bet the lawn looks great.
Me: Thanks, Mom.

She really is the best mom—if only she could make it stop raining…

51 thoughts on “Water, Water, Everywhere”

  1. My town is notorious for its leaky basements. There’s always a run on Shop Vacs at work every time it rains a lot. I grew up in a house that had water in the basement more often than not. It’s not the water that ruins foundations around here, but all the shaking from the steel plant and other assorted big industry here. While I’m happy I live on a slab with no basement now, as I found out a few years ago, that’s not the ideal situation to have when you need major plumbing work done…..

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    • At least we don’t have the shaking. I checked last night after another heavy rain and the basement was actually looking drier so I hope all our efforts are working!

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  2. Very cool looking yard! However, how in the world do you empty that damn thing?? Is that concrete, it’s made out of??
    Had a house once with an antique basement, all sitting on a yard that had absolutely no slope, and the entire operation sat there after a big rain kind of quivering, like a wood chip floating in a bowl of water. Rivulets of rainwater entering at three different points wound their way through boxes and unused furniture as they headed toward the drain. At one point had to shore up three of the walls with I-beams, and before it was all over, had to have piers installed beneath the foundation to keep the whole place from being sucked into the bowels of the Earth a la Poltergeist.
    Whenever it would cloud up and threaten rain, my guts would tighten up. People would say, (sing-song voice) “I can tell when it’s going to rain because my knee hurts.” I would nod, and think to myself, lucky you.

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    • It’s actually plastic and there’s a little tap near the bottom that you can turn on to drain the tank–a watering can fits under it just nicely. I’m glad I’m not the only one who has issues with basement flooding. We also have a dehumidifier down there, but I think we need more than one!

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      • I had two of the old Sears dehumidifiers that rolled haltingly on little wheels and weighed about 80 Lbs each, and when they kicked in, the lights in the house would dim. (That high-pitched whirring noise you hear is the little wheel inside the electric meter.)
        Glad to hear you don’t have to wrestle the barrel down to low ground every day.
        I will note that I used the water in the dehumidifiers to water the houseplants, which they seemed to like.

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  3. I don’t blame you for waiting to mow the lawn. Rain makes the grass grow and it seems futile to mow when a deluge is just going to make it all sprout up again. Of course you can’t put off mowing either or the grass will turn into jungle. It’s all a never-ending cycle. At least getting the rain barrel was the right thing to do. We have a sump pump and it’s been overwhelmed by too much rain.
    Too bad rain barrels don’t keep away skunks though.

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    • My timing yesterday was perfect–I’d no sooner finished mowing than it started raining! My biggest worry was not mowing over our chipmunks but I saw one of them scurry away very quickly. Luckily the lawnmower is so loud that you can hear it coming from the other side of the house, which is why I wear headphones!

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  4. BarbaraM's avatar BarbaraM says:

    Once upon a time ‘they’ used to use rainwater to wash hair with – more natural. Although with all the crud in the air these days, I wouldn’t count on it. You could use the water to wash your dishes? If there was a way to filter it, it could be used for drinking water (Brita filters?). Or store it for when you hit a dry patch and your lawn looks like crap, you can water at least your plants and flowers, if not the entire lawn.

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  5. You have had quite the adventure! I’m exhausted, on your behalf, just reading about all the rain, work, and mowing 🙂 And, hey! Your book just came in the mail: What Any Normal Person Would Do–can’t wait to read it!

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  6. Have Ken install a spigot at the bottom of the rain barrel so you can attach a hose, Suzanne. 🙂 That will be great for your garden when the drought comes. What crazy weather! Glad the rain stopped, the basement is dryish, and the lawn is mowed. 🙂

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  7. The water table here in Vermont is insane. You can literally hand-dig a hole and find water anywhere. It’s crazy. I had to engineer and install my own drainage for the front yard, and add a commercial-grade sump pump in the basement. It has worked out flawlessly. The dehumidifier drains into the sump pump well, and so everything just gets pumped out automatically, as needed.

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    • We don’t have that here–the water all comes off the roof and has been diverted into two downspouts that are too close to the house. Things already seem to be improving. Normally, with our sump pump and dehumidifier, it isn’t a problem, but there were some “things” that a certain person, not me, did last year that caused an issue’-)

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      • We had a pond on our property that was flooding our basement. The people who owned this house before us thought that putting a pond a car length up hill from the house was a good idea. I had to use a backhoe and bury a drainage pipe to stop the water flowing in to the basement. What a mess that was!

        Water is one of those curious things that gets into everything, even if you don’t want it there.

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  9. Does this mean Canada has stopped burning? Of course, CA is rather wide, could be only your locale, your square mile, your singular plot that has infuriated the God of Weather, who apparently is ZEUS! Now, take heart, I asked Claude how you might appease this angered god:
    Here are some traditional ways to try to appease the Greek god Zeus according to mythology:
    – Make sacrifices and offerings to him. This could involve sacrificing animals at an altar or leaving gifts of food, wine, or other valuables at a temple or sacred site dedicated to Zeus.
    – Build temples, shrines, or statues honoring Zeus. This shows respect and reverence for the god.
    – Organize festivals, games, or ceremonies to venerate Zeus. For example, the ancient Olympic Games were held in honor of Zeus.
    – Pray and make petitions directly to Zeus asking for forgiveness and mercy. This includes making vows to change behavior or offer future tribute.
    – Conduct rituals of purification, such as bathing in special waters. This washes away impurities associated with any offenses.
    – Consult Zeus’s oracles and try to fulfill any demands or instructions given for making amends.
    – Appease Zeus by assisting his friends or harming his enemies, if possible.
    – Invoke the help of other gods close to Zeus, like his wife Hera, to intercede on your behalf.
    However, according to the myths, if Zeus is truly angry, it may be impossible to appease him fully. The legends say his wrath could only be avoided by turning to extreme measures like fleeing, hiding, or seeking the protection of a more powerful deity. So appeasement might reduce punishment, but is not guaranteed to eliminate it.

    So, good luck, you may need it.
    (p.s., maybe you could sacrifice the skunk.)

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  10. I have to say, you are the queen of worst case scenarios, and I say that in a totally good way, lol. Maybe you could ship some barrels of rain water down here? It’s dry as a bone and that sucks because I’m trying to help my front yard and keep it as green as possible but I have to do it by watering the lawn. I’d rather it rained so I don’t have to use precious water resources that I have to pay for…😵‍💫. It hasn’t rained here since December.

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  15. We’re on quite a steep slope so flooding is not something we’ll ever have to worry about. The reverse, actually. We have multiple rainwater tanks to get us through the long, hot, dry summers. Maybe you could create a fishpond for all that excess water?

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  18. It’s so important to wear the right foundation garment for the occasion, and I’m glad you found a good fit for lawn cutting. The rain barrel is lovely, its aesthetic seems to match your home nicely. I’ve only ever seen the industrial blue barrel-shaped barrels here, but your $5 steal is a winner! Here’s to dry basements.

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  20. It sounds like England over there lol… I don wonder why they put basements in these houses when they might flood.
    Stiff at least you have a water barrel (or butt as we call them over here) now.

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  21. I’m a little “late to the party” reading this, so I haven’t read previous comments like I usually do. If no one has suggested it, ( I consider myself an expert on leaky basements), invest in DRAIN TILE! It’s cheap, lightweight, and a quick bandaid

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  22. A rain barrel is such a good idea – we have 2 of ’em – but there’s always the question of where to dump the excess water in severe rain, and I have never come up with a good solution.

    Your yard is gorgeous, by the way.

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