Pressing Questions

A couple of weeks ago, I was getting ready to set up a WordPress post, and I suddenly noticed that below the place where it says, ‘Add title’, there was some faint text. I looked more closely and the text said, “What are your feelings about eating meat?”

And I was like, Are you judging me, WORDPRESS? Because the post I was setting up was fairly bacon-heavy, and how the hell did they even know that, let alone start pestering me about it? For the record, I would prefer NOT to eat meat, but I’m realistic in that a) I like the taste of most of it (organ meats aside, because they are extremely gross), and no one has yet to discover a vegetarian bacon that tastes as good as the real thing. On the other hand, I had an experience not long ago when I called a government agency to complain about the way that a truck I was following on the highway was transporting turkeys, presumably to the slaughterhouse, and it was so awful that I called Ken crying. The so-called veterinarian that answered my call was less than helpful, and told me that the turkeys were “probably huddled together for warmth rather than being stacked on top of each other”, and that didn’t make me feel any better AT ALL.

But I don’t want to get into the complexities of eating meat versus being vegetarian, because WordPress is still doing that weird thing right now. I started to set up my post for this week, and right below ‘Add title’, it says “Tell us one thing you hope people never say about you.” And my response is “Who the f*ck is US?!” Is this WordPress trying to make some extra cash by blackmailing random bloggers?

Random Blogger: Ooh, good question. Hmm. Well, I hope people never say I’m a murderer, because THAT was in self-defense.
WordPress: Self-defense, you say? We’ll see about that.

5 minutes later…

WordPress: According to our investigation, it was NOT self-defense. You owe us twenty-five thousand dollars to keep quiet about this.
Random Blogger: Damn.

All I can think is that WordPress is playing the long game, hoping that some blogger desperate for a topic will fall for their ploy. Does anyone really open up the site without a topic in mind, just praying that WordPress will provide inspiration? And yes, I see the irony in this whole debate, because I wouldn’t have a topic MYSELF if it wasn’t for these bizarre WordPress prompts. So with that in mind, here are the things I hope people never say about me:

1) I’m good at math (because that would be a LOT to live up to).
2) I’m not funny (but I’m not actually that funny in person so it’s ok).
3) I have too many clocks (I just bought another one at the antique market where I work and it’s so gorgeous and it was so cheap that I carried it downstairs cradling it in my arms like a baby).
4) My nickname is NOT Player One (because it totally is, even if I’m the only one who thinks so).
5) I’m too old to dance like no one is watching. (I regularly dance behind the till at work when no one is watching, although sometimes customers see me and give me a thumbs-up, and yes there’s music because we have a radio playing behind the till just in case you thought I was one of those people who dance to music in their own heads, which I also do sometimes but just not at work).

Screw you, WordPress—I’ve fallen for your little game.

In other news, if you read my post last Monday, you’ll know that my new short story collection At The End Of It All is now available for pre-order but I posted the wrong link. It would be a great Christmas gift for you or someone you love, so if you want to order it, you can go here: At The End Of It All.  Also, in honour of the new collection coming out soon, Potter’s Grove has put my first short story collection, Feasting Upon The Bones, (which got some very good reviews and would also make a great Christmas gift) on sale for a limited time and you can find it here: Feasting Upon The Bones

51 thoughts on “Pressing Questions”

  1. I’ve never seen those suggestions before, but I still use the backdoor that was left open to the Classic editor which probably doesn’t have that subliminal thought nonsense.

    If you could be a bowling ball, what color would you be?

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  2. I’ve noticed those weird questions too, Suzanne. I delete them, grumbling, and wondering why WP is adding steps to my blogging experience that I don’t want. I’d like to turn them off, but then I wouldn’t be laughing at your post. I guess they came in handy for someone. Lol. Happy Holidays, my friend. ❤ And can't wait to read your book!

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  3. I’m behind the curve on this bowling ball thing. Anyway, a generic, all-purpose response to WordPress’s queries: just that one time. If I drank one beer, would you call me an alcoholic? Get off my back.
    Maybe a lime green. With kind of swirly shiny streaks.
    OH and I have one clock that I cannot make keep accurate time beyond a precision of two hours each 24 hour period. And it will only chime on the half hour. You think I’m kidding. When I die, it will probably begin working properly, just out of spite.

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  4. Wow, I’ve never gotten those prompts, I guess WordPress doesn’t think I’m interesting enough to ask questions like that. Anyway, if you had a second nickname, other than Player One, what would it be? Wow, over 50 clocks? Now that’s impressive, we’re you the inspiration for the movie, The House With A Clock In The Walls? Or the house with 50 clocks on the walls, lol.

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  6. It’s our AI Overlord(s) infiltrating our lives.
    Watch the video: https://www.notion.so/product/ai

    As an experiment…
    Me: Please write a funny, 100 word short story about a house full of broken clocks.
    ChatGPT: There was once a house full of broken clocks, all ticking and tocking at different times. It was a chaotic mess, but the family who lived there didn’t seem to mind. They were always late for everything, but they always had a good excuse. “Oh, we’re just running on broken clock time,” they would say with a chuckle. One day, a kind neighbor offered to fix all the clocks for them. But the family declined, saying they quite enjoyed the chaos. So the broken clocks continued to tick and tock, and the family continued to be late for everything. But at least they were never bored.

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  7. I have a feeling the blogging software which shall not be named put my comment into a spam folder because I was polite but somewhat critical which is somewhat disturbing. We’re being watched entirely too much by artificial intelligence which is artificial but not particularly intelligent. It’s like the vegan bacon of actual intelligence.
    Anyway dance on, Player One.

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  8. Mine today was “What skills and lessons have you learned lately?” Me: “Hmm, let’s see, WP, pretty much learned that I shouldn’t have done every. single. thing. I did that caused me to end up in a small town in Kansas, so thanks, WordPress, for the hindsight reminder! What would I do without you?” AHAHAHHAHHA! These comments are a little uncanny, for sure!

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  9. That is just creepy. My weird thing lately is getting odd texts, every day addressed to different names with threats about turning off things or charges on stuff I don’t have or warnings about packages arriving due money ALL false. I push the delete and report junk button but they keep coming

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  10. Brumph says:

    Mine is ‘What skills or lessons have you learned recently’.

    Well, Mr WordPress, let me tell you I have learned a very particular set of skills, so I will look for the setting, track down this setting and kill you.

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  11. Congratulations on the new publication!!! Also, I never noticed the little words under the title in WordPress, when drafting. I just went in there now to make it look like I was going to draft a post (but I’m not–I’m done for the week), and there it was: “What skills or lessons have you learned recently?”–and I think this could be the start of a lovely horror story.

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  14. This post made me laugh! I’ve been seeing those annoying prompts too, and I HATE THEM. Clearly some marketing genius at WP has decided that prompts are popular so let’s beat everyone over the head with them!
    Why can’t the stupid things just be an optional extra for those who actually like prompts?
    -sigh- rhetorical.
    Anyway, I did laugh, so there, WordPress!

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  16. Don’t let anyone tell you that you are too old for dancing. My sister has a friend and neighbor that turned 100 on Christmas day. On Friday the community had a party to celebrate. Her son told everyone at the celebration that she was out that morning shoveling snow in the blizzard conditions. He did send her back in the house. (Probably a good thing he did.)

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  17. I haven’t seen that particular (weird) feature on WordPress, Suzanne, but I have noticed that there do seem to be lots of recent interface updates/improvements. I guess it’s a good sign — an indication that WordPress is a healthy platform — but, yeah, who clicks New Post without at least some idea of what they’ll be writing? If you’re that in need of a prompt, you may want to refrain from starting a new post, methinks!

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  18. WordPress sure seems to like to mess with people’s heads. First they come up with the Block(head) Editor, which a rant for another day, then we’re told to get rid of WordPress on the smartphone and use JetPark instead, and now here they are with these ridiculous prompts. (Okay, these truly are First World Problems, but still.)

    Today’s prompt is to write about your first name. Yeah, I’ll definitely be breaking the internet with that one.

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