57 Skidoo

Candlelight is the best light

So it was my birthday on Friday. I’m old enough that I don’t get particularly excited about my birthday anymore (that’s a lie–I can’t wait to open my presents and this year, Ken got me really beautiful earrings and took me on a wine tour). But I’ve reached the age where a little retrospection is required–in fact, it happens without any effort at all. So in honour of my birthday, here are some of the things I’ve discovered now that I’m 57:

57: You now have a favourite mirror because “the lighting is good”. In fact, there are three mirrors in my bathroom at home and two at work, but I only look in one of each of them because the wrong lighting makes me look like…I’m 57.

57: You worry about your teeth. You ask the dentist, “So are my teeth doing ok?” and he looks at you like you’re weird, but you have this feeling deep down that maybe they’re planning a mutiny and you have three different toothbrushes that you use based on how your teeth feel on any given day.

57: You reply, when people ask what you’d like for your birthday, “I would like for things not to hurt so much.” It would be great to be able to sleep through the night without getting up to take an Advil.

57: Your parents take you out for dinner and you drink a LOT more than them, but it’s ok.

57: You NEVER mean ‘ducking’ and autocorrect finally give up and stops trying to convince you that you meant ‘ducking’.

57: You have 27 pairs of reading glasses at a variety of different strengths and you can’t find ANY of them at any given time, and every time you ask, “Have you seen my reading glasses?”, you’re met with raucous laughter.

57: You get unreasonable angry that the barn being built on your way home STILL isn’t finished and you exclaim “When are they going to finish that f*cking barn?!” (That is a very specific example but it happened tonight so I included it.)

57: You now have a good ear and a bad ear.

57: You can stay up as late as you want. But you can’t.

57: You can sleep in as late as you want. But you can’t.

57: You’re pissed because you still don’t get the seniors’ discount.

57: You give thanks for every day that you have because, best case scenario, you have about 25 years left, 30 tops, and you’re terrified of dying and you keep calculating how much time you might have left so it’s good to make the best of it all.

57: You’re neurotic but happy. Life is generally good, the lighting is generally good, the wine is always good, and you have a wonderful family.

In other news, I finally got a couple of hard copies of the Arabic version of my second novel The Dome, and who would have thought that I’d be an internationally published author at 57. Cool.

55 thoughts on “57 Skidoo

  1. Happy Birthday Suzanne!! As people keep telling me, age is just a number. I try to really believe that especially when men say it. Like my boss who is 3 years older than I am but he looks so much younger than I do. Maybe it’s because men don’t have kids…..kids that drain everything out of you physically for nine entire months……ah, anyway you don’t look 57. Really you don’t and I think tat you lead an interesting life that you post your adventures for the rest of us to read with such enthusiasm! I’m starting to relate to the reading gasses thing. I keep telling myself I need to minimize things in my life but I keep accumulating reading glasses, shoes, purses and jewelry….ha!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Well, you can never have too many pairs of reading glasses. Believe me, I should know! And speaking of purses, this was an even better birthday for me because I found a Louis Vuitton purse in a thrift shop yesterday and bought it for a song, thinking it was a knock-off. Turns out it’s genuine and worth a small fortune! Happy birthday to me:-)

      Liked by 4 people

  2. Although I’m old enough that I’ve officially given up birthdays altogether, they still come around too quickly, like trash day, or the now three month intervals between doctor appointments, where you begin to dread the day the doctor shows you that high-res, 4-color picture of the human heart laying over there next to the little red garbage can labeled “biohazard.” But 57! Congrats!

    Very entertaining post. I hope it’s really not that bad.

    As far as the ducking auto-correct, we can send people to the moon (“Yes, grandson, I was there. Or at least I saw it on the TV”) but no one has yet thought of installing an override toggle switch next to the keyboard. Maybe the kind with a little hinged cover over it, like in space capsules.

    happy belated birthday. And many more.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Congrats on your international publication! Yay! And your observations about being 57 made me laugh. A lot of those apply to 63 too. Lol. So funny because they’re so TRUE! I also calculate how much time I probably have left. The last on your list is pretty wonderful. Happy Birthday!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Time for a book tour of the Middle East! Have to brush up on your Arabic. The only phrases I know are salata mushuia (“grilled salad” that’s blended into a dip) and baba-ganush. And of course the word: “alcohol”.

    There are days I don’t even look in the mirror. And of course my Zoom camera is “on the blink”.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Totally laughed at the staying up late and sleeping in as I totally related. And burst into tears when I read about you calculating how much time is left. I do that all the time so morbidly and thought I was the only one. So while you included as funny (or not) please know you made me feel more ‘normal’ about that one. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Here’s some good advice. Buy more reading glasses and put a pair on every surface of your home, even if it’s 1 foot away from the last pair, so that no matter where you are, you’ll always have a pair at hand. And then leave them in the same place when you’re done with them so they don’t get misplaced. Hope you enjoyed the duck out of your birthday!

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Ha. 57. Spring chick. By 66 you’ll:
    Wake up having developed a major joint failure overnight
    You’ll already have woken twice, once for the loo and once to check your heart isn’t racing because it was when you got up for the loo
    You no longer worry about where your reading glasses are because you can no longer remember what they’re for
    You no longer have a favourite mirror because without those glasses you can’t see it
    Your family are still wonderful, if only you could see them.
    PS I have up on the actual number of my birthday at 60 and merely added the numbers together. This year I’m 12 again and I feel juts peachy about that.
    PPS thanks for the laugh. I sprung a rib but I doubt I’ll be needing them all.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. Congratulations and I’m so glad you could spend your 57th drowning your happiness in wine. I’m also reminded of the great Carol Channing who, in a song called “Skidoo”, sang, “There’s a better way of living/If you take the time to try/To live and love and take a breath/And watch the scenery/As the color slowly changes/From fourteen to twenty-three…”
    And an extra special congratulations on not just being published but being truly international.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Happy belated birthday! Congrats on your book in Arabic! Wow! Maybe it’s time to put your readers on a very swank glasses strap? I tried that for about 5 minutes. The glasses kept slipping out of the strap.
    You look terrific! 🥳

    Liked by 1 person

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