Very Superstitious

Things have been weird lately, like, if something could go wrong, it does. From sudden expensive car repairs to Kate and my parents all getting covid, to Ken almost being rushed to the hospital after a chlorine gas incident, bad luck seems to be hounding me. The other day, I started to wash my hair and the cold tap handle disintegrated right in my hand.

Then later my wine fridge suddenly stopped working so we took it apart, cleaned the fan and tested it—still nothing. Then I forgot it was still plugged in:

Me: Do you think there’s something wrong with the motherboard?
Ken: Maybe.
Me: That wire looks loose.
Ken: Don’t touch—
Me: OWWWW!! I just got electrocuted! Why the hell am I even bothering to wear my lucky underwear?!

Yes, my lucky underwear seems to have run out of good luck—no matter how often I wear them, I can’t seem to get a break. Like two weeks ago, Ken and I were at Werq The World, a touring drag extravaganza. We’d met some of our favourite drag queens, then settled in to watch the show. Suddenly, I felt a pain in my side. I tried to ignore it but it kept getting worse, until there was no doubt. I had another kidney stone. I made it through the show, but now I’ve gone through yet another round of X-rays, ultrasounds (I have to drink HOW MUCH WATER?!) and CAT scans. And I can’t even get a specialist appointment until the 15th.

But I don’t want to sound whiny. In fact, I’ve been doing some research and I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m bringing this all on myself with a variety of bad luck symbols that I’ve been encountering lately.

1) Broken Appliances

See above. I was shocked. Literally. Stupid wine fridge.

2) The number 666

Thanks to the Wiccan healer I used to work with, we have two booths at the antique market with the number 666. And I have to regularly open them to get out spells and black candles and crystal skulls and whatnot. So maybe I’m exposing myself to curses that I’m not even aware of:

Customer: You know Satan isn’t bad, right? Like, he’s only doing his job.
Me: Kind of like me.
Customer: What?
Me: Did you want the red skull or the blue skull?
Customer: Ooh, is that a chicken foot keychain?

2) Stopped clocks

As you may remember, I have 53 clocks in my house at current count and only 16 of them work. Maybe it’s time to get rid of the broken ones. (Because it’s TIME. Get it?) Apparently, according to a “feng shui coach”, who is basically someone who comes into your house, takes your money, points at things, and claims they have bad chi, “broken things won’t bring positive energy into your life.” That’s very judgmental, KIM. I love ALL my clocks, and I’m pretty sure the charge on that wine fridge was positive.

3) Dried Flowers

I saw this on Realtor.com. The caption underneath a photo of dried flowers says, “Dried flowers will suck the life out of your home.” And wouldn’t you know, I recently cut some hydrangeas from my garden and put them in a vase to dry. Apparently, I have created an energy vacuum, which sucks (Because vacuums suck. Get it?) and also, do actual real estate agents really believe this sh*t? Like if I was selling my house, would Darla from REMAX take my hydrangeas and throw them onto the porch in a superstitious frenzy whilst stomping on them and screaming “Only live flowers in this house!!”?

4) Walking Under A Ladder

I do this all the time, because one of my booths at the antique market came with a ladder across the top to put or hang stuff on. I’m back and forth under it several times a week in order to restock my booth, which is making the ladder spirits angry, according to google.

5) A Black Cat Crossing My Path

Ilana is a tuxedo cat, so she’s mostly black with a white bib and paws. And she crosses my path continually, begging for treats and tummy rubs, which I’m happy to oblige because she’s so sweet, even though the tummy rubs usually end in her grabbing my wrist and biting me. Because she’s a cat, and that’s what they do.

6) Pointing Towards Feces

I saw this one on Wikipedia. It’s an English superstition, which doesn’t surprise me. And I actually did this a while ago, because I have to clean the bathrooms at work, and one of the toilets was super-gross, so I came out all disgusted and pointed in the direction of the bathroom/poo while exclaiming to my boss, “You don’t pay me enough to clean crap like this up!” Also, I don’t know WHY it’s bad luck—maybe people got sick of Sir Archibald Dungheap continually pointing at people’s poo and describing it, like “Pish posh, tally-ho, that’s a remarkable shade of ochre!” and then they beat him to death with broken clocks.

At any rate, it’s possible I’m looking at this the wrong way. After all, my car got fixed by our wonderful mechanic neighbour, Kate and my parents both recovered quickly, Ken didn’t have permanent lung damage, I ordered a new tap online, and I can drink lukewarm wine as easily as the cold stuff. Now if only I could pass this kidney stone quickly, that would be lucky. Knock on wood.

42 thoughts on “Very Superstitious”

  3. I’ve been wondering about your kidney stone and hoping yours will be like mine which just sort of disintegrated.
    Also walking under ladders and pointing at feces may be unlucky, although it sounds like it’s a sturdy ladder and pointing at feces can lead to getting rid of it and I’m pretty sure leaving feces around is unluckier than pointing. But when it comes to broken clocks and dried flowers those things can be and usually are beautiful. Anything that adds beauty to your life is lucky.
    The same goes for tuxedo or even solid black cats. Cats, as everyone knows, are excellent judges of character. Bad luck is when a cat of any colour won’t cross your path because it’s avoiding you.

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  4. Man, I hadn’t laughed with coffee in my mouth in a long time. This post did it thinking it was safe to just drink my coffee whilst reading something from MyDangBlog. Lucky underwear? So, Mexican superstitions say that a ladder has to be leaning against something like a wall, for it to be bad juju if you walk under it. Not so much being used to hang things. Ilana is just a cutie pie, she’s not bad luck at all, and neither are all black cats. I recently had a neighborhood cat come and start eating at my house, he’s all black. I named him Shadow, I think he’s good luck if you ask me. Thanks for the great post Suzanne, you have very good juju if you ask me 😉.

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  6. Isn’t it weird how some days/weeks are just crappy? I notice that bad things happen in threes… I swear it’s true. I’m glad all worked out in the end, though the kidney stones are a drag. Sorry to hear about those. Otherwise, thanks for the laughs, Suzanne.

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  7. OMG, I hope you’re okay from the shocking incident! I’d send you my broken clock to make you feel better re: kidney stone, except it’s a family heirloom of sorts, and I’d have a whole lot more than bad luck on my hands! *wry laugh*

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  8. What a sweetie pie your cat is. Tuxedo cats are really sweet. Cats can be taught to not bite and claw. 😁it’s mercury retrograde. I have my share of things breaking down. I can sympathize.
    Glad to hear. Everyone recovered from “The Covid”.

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