On Friday night, Kate and I were watching a show called What If, the premise of which is that Marvel has pretty much exhausted the ubiquitous iterations of its universe and in order to keep generating income, has resorted to a fantasy-like series that asks things like, “What if the dude from Black Panther was the dude from Guardians of the Galaxy instead?” or “What if Groot was a raccoon and instead of saying ‘I am Groot’, all he said was ‘I am Raccoon”?
Me: I have one. What about “What if Spiderman was bit by a badger instead, and then he would be Badgerman?
Kate: That’s ridiculous.
Me: No it’s not—think about it. Badgers can climb and they’re lightning quick. I bet they could catch thieves better than a spider could. Ooh, it says on google that their favourite food is earthworms. Badgerman, Badgerman, catches thieves just like worms, look out! Here comes the Badgerman.
Kate: Is his wife named Honey?
Me: Obviously, KATE.
And here’s another one: what if Batman and Robin were a couple?
Robin: Where are you going?
Batman: The bat signal is all lit up and whatnot.
Robin: Always with the damn bat signal. What about me?!
Batman: Here’s fifty dollars. Go buy yourself something pretty and I’ll take you out for dinner after I kill Superman.
Robin (under his breath): Like that’s going to happen.
Or…what if Aquaman couldn’t breathe underwater?
Aquaman: Help! (gurgles) Help!
It was a very short episode. But why have I been so bored that I’m inventing alternative superhero universes? Because Ken just got a new job. But wait, I hear you ask. Didn’t he just retire? Isn’t he supposed to be devoting all his energy to rebuilding the side porch? And the answer to both those questions would be yes. However, the other night he came skipping into the kitchen, very pleased with himself, because the local hot air balloon company—yes, THE LOCAL HOT AIR BALLOON COMPANY—had seen his application for ‘ground crew’ and he had a trial run the next morning at 6 am.
Me: Ok, but promise me you won’t get your foot tangled in the rope and then get dragged halfway across the countryside dangling in the air before falling into a pond.
Ken: I think maybe you saw that in a movie. But there are other people to untangle me if that happens.
Me: IF? You mean WHEN!
So the next morning, he left for his new job, and I lay in bed stressing that he might float away, or that the other balloon guys might be mean to him, or that he would get lost taking one of his ‘shortcuts’, or any number of other worst case scenarios. Of course, none of that happened, and he came home excited because the owner had given him the balloon handbook and now he was an official member of the crew, which meant twice a day, weather permitting, he helps set up the balloon, chases it in the crew van, then packs it away. And while he’s enjoying his new-found employment, I’m feeling the pressure to get a cool new job too when I retire in 3 weeks, especially since I reached out to James Gunn about my idea for a Suicide Squad sequel featuring my superhero Heavy Metal, and he has yet to respond. Alternatively, maybe something where I get to drive a forklift…
mydangblog 
Holy crap, I have missed your blog, Lovely Lady!!! I am sitting in my office in Ireland, laughing out loud, tears streaming down my face! Thank you!!!!!!
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Glad I’m a fun distraction from whatever is keeping you in your office on a Sunday, although if it’s writing more of your incredible poetry, then get back to work! Love you!
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Just reading and enjoying while Joe cooks Sunday lunch! Love you, Lady!!!!
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I love the fact that Ken has to chase a balloon across the countryside. It’s like throwing a Frisbee & then legging after it to catch it before it lands. Or a dog that can throw its own stick.
We’re currently camping next to the Dordogne & there are a few balloon companies here (or Montgolfiers, as they prefer to be called, to differentiate from people who make squeaky rubber poodles). All the rivers & hills around here must be a right pain for the chasers.
Keep us informed of Ken’s chases & whether they get to jump in the van & shout “follow that balloon” like a bizarre movie chase.
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I thought they had to do it by sight, but apparently they have a GPS tracking system. Still, I hope they yell “Follow that balloon!” like a bunch of lunatics!
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This is what retirement is about: chasing balloons. I’d also hope that Ken gets to take the occasional trip up as a benefit of his new job but if you’re worried the rest of the crew will be mean to him I don’t know what concerns him ascending might prompt. Still, what better way to enjoy time off than literally going up?
And I feel like your writing career is taking off, which is a cool thing because writing is a careee you never retire from, and I really want to know more about Badgerman. Who would be his nemesis? Someone who says “Badgers? We don’t need no stinkin’ badgers!”
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They were actually very nice to him, and yes, apparently if there’s an imbalance in the basket, one of the guys can be ballast! The Badger’s nemesis is The Dachshund, a short, German Gruber-esque mastermind!
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Like….WOW! Ken has the coolest retirement job, ever!
I agree with Christopher, retirement should be about chasing balloons after a life if working hard to get to that point. I haven’t watched the “What If” series, it doesn’t sound like it would be interesting to me. And after the synopsis you gave, it seems my instincts were right, lol. But now, no pressure for you to find a great job after you retire. Maybe you could work part time in a warehouse to work the forklift 😎😁.
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Ooh a warehouse job—I’ll get my team together and ask for the blueprints. You in?😁
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DEFINITELY!
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What if Superman was born in Germany? hint: Dan Ackroyd
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🤣🤣
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What are the possible qualifications to be in the ground crew? And why was he posting a ‘resume’ days after retiring? Don’t forget I told you they have those baby fork lifts in warehouses (and storage places).
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“Able to lift heavy things” was really the only qualification. He loves balloons so when it came up, he was so excited. He’s really enjoying it😊
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Batman and Robin aren’t a couple? I guess that shows how much I pay attention to superhero universes… i figured they were “domestic partners” before it became fashionable…
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No, Robin is Batman’s ward, although I always thought he was his nephew!
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I just watched a PBS show about honey badgers. (Yes, I know, they aren’t really badgers!) But badgers, in general, are superhero material, for sure! https://www.pbs.org/wnet/nature/honey-badger-infographic-a-field-guide-to-the-honey-badger/8712/
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Exactly! Badgers are the bomb!
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google: “balloons powerline accidents”
Avoiding death by electrocution and fire: it’s like a Mission Impossible task but without the Scientology.
Maybe you should drop your own resume’ out there: Seeking paranormal research assistant position. Any takers would be great background for your next story or three.
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Luckily the pilot is super-experienced. They got yelled at yesterday by a farmer who didn’t want them landing in his field! And I love the idea of paranormal research assistant—part time only though. After all, I’m retired!
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You know…. having a part-time job in something you enjoy could be kind of fun, especially if you’re retired and don’t really need to work. My husband has talked about that too. That’s the trouble with being a writer… we never retire.
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I’m hoping to get a part time gig in an antique market or something so I can spend a lot of time on writing 😊
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LOL. See, something for everyone!
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You guys are like an unpredictable movie – you never know they it may take you.
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Not sure why the conversation between Robin and Batman reminded me of other conversations between you and Ken. Obviously, you’re Batman…
And I love hot air balloons, although they tend to leave at some ungodly hour of the morning…
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I’m always Batman in these scenarios. And yes, he has to meet the other balloon guys at 6:15! I’m planning to sleep in a lot when I retire but not Ken!
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Ken’s job is so cool. We used to have a couple of balloons in our area but it’s been years since I have seen any. Back in the early “80’s a friend and I went for a ride in one. It was glorious. The best way to fly.
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I’ve never been in one—fear of heights—but Ken has and he loved it. It also gives him a chance to take some beautiful photos!
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That is such a cool job! Love it!
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Sadly I admit missing MCU so much I’m actually watching What If and I don’t normally do cartoons. I know they aren’t called that, but really? Just finished the way too long series “Handmaid’s Tale”which is one of M A novels I didn’t read way back when. It is then most depressing series I have ever seen. However it may come to fruition🤯 Kens new job is certainly a reason for skipping, congrats! Batman and Robin theory is way too enlightened for the DC universe.😄 Have a good week!
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I studied The Handmaid’s Tale in university. Back then it seemed like an impossibility…
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I didn’t like the book itself but thought I’d give the series a look. More and more it seems a future in parts of the USA
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Suzanne,
No matter what universe you’re occupying, you and Ken are irrepressible, my friend…and we get the benefit! Have a lovely week ahead! Mona
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You too, Mona!
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Spiderman is Marvel, so are you telling me there’s a Badgerman in DC?
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I can’t keep the universes apart unfortunately.
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Also we realized the error and have corrected 😊
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That job sounds like a dream! Love it! DC versus Marvel. Oh the possibilities! My son would have a conniption fit if he heard that conversation. I haven’t watched what if but my son was excited for it. I thought it would be real people, not a cartoon.
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Me too—imagine my disappointment when it wasn’t the real Benedict Cumberbatch!
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Have you considered producing your own reality tv series? You may want to think about it because it would be fascinating!
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It would be based on the book I plan on writing some day called “What Any Normal Person Would Do”😁
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Perfect! 😂
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Ken’s new job does sound pretty cool. Yes, forklifts are fun to drive. 🙂
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A couple didn’t show up today so he got to fly–he was so excited!
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You are not wrong, Suzanne, about What If…? being a sign of Marvel hitting a creative impasse and now having to find new ways to keep fans engaged — hence the “multiverse.” Such is why I’ve been known to ask on my blog: What if… we all just stopped playing Marvel’s game?
And congrats to Ken for landing the coolest post-retirement gig ever!
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Yes, everyone should read your post–you make some excellent points! And Ken got to go up in the balloon today–best job ever:-)
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I really need to start watching What If, but if the reactions on Twitter are anything to judge by it sounds like your version would be a lot better!
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Definitely mixed reviews on this one!
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are you going next? maybe those superheroes need a hot air balloon?
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Never! He invited me this morning because some people hadn’t shown up, and I was like NOPE.
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it’s only a matter of time lol
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Hard no–I’m afraid of heights!
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me too…
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tho I must add that there’s as much strength in saying nope as there is yup 🙂
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Working on a balloon crew?! Get out! That would be utterly fabulous!
I was in a hot air balloon only once, some years ago, with my mother, and it was glorious (except for the crash landing, but nothing broken or dislocated). The pilot produced champagne and orange juice at the end of the trip, which, I thought, was an appropriate way to toast our Close Call.
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Yes, Ken’s company takes a bottle of champagne on every flight and at the end, they do a toast. They also carry an extra bottle to give to whatever farmer owns the field they have to land on!
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Ooh – that’s a great idea re: champagne for the farmer.
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