Wednesday: I think about weird things.
Here are some of the weird things that I think about.

1) There’s been a lot of road kill lately, and it made me wonder—exactly how far past the “best before date” does a piece of road kill have to be before the vultures won’t eat it? When they’re like “Ooh, that raccoon smells a bit dodgy—better give it a pass, Frank.” Can vultures GET food poisoning, or is that just their job—to eat what no one else can, like nature’s garburator? I don’t know what it is about vultures, but they creep me out, especially the way you can always tell if there’s something about to die in a field because the vultures are circling, like harbingers of doom. I once saw a vulture fly into an opening in the top of someone’s barn, and all I could think was if it was my barn, I would leave in the night without any belongings, because the vultures were trying to tell me something.

2) Why would anyone put up a sign advertising an “Animal Zoo”? I saw this sign the other day, and my first thought was “As opposed to what?” What other kind of zoo is there? An insect zoo? Is it to differentiate itself from a Petting Zoo, letting people know that these animals are NOT the type you would want to pet? Like vultures? Anyway, I looked up the definition of ‘zoo’, and it can also be this: “a situation characterized by confusion and disorder”. So maybe the sign was a warning. I envisioned people running around a small rural property, bumping into each other, swearing, acting all crazy, no one knowing what was going on. Now that’s a zoo I’d pay money to see, even if it DOES sound just like a shopping mall on Black Friday (see next topic).

3) Whose idea was it to have Black Friday on the same day as Buy Nothing Day? Isn’t this a paradox or something? And in case you’re wondering what Black Friday is, see the definition for ‘zoo’, above. Since when do we have Black Friday in Canada? And why would we want to anyway? I just googled Black Friday, and the first thing that came up was “The Worst Black Friday Deaths and Injuries of All Time”. AND THERE WERE 40 OF THEM. So Canadian stores are actively promoting an event where people run the risk of getting killed over a discount on a flat screen TV. I foresee 50 years from now, when Black Friday is a culling event a la The Hunger Games—each village has a lottery, and one lucky teenager gets sent to the mall to fight to the death for home electronics.