Harmony; Smatterings of Cerulean

I’ve never had a problem going to the dentist. I mean, like most people, I don’t enjoy having someone else’s hands in my mouth (already I can hear the voices saying “Speak for yourself”—this is a PG site, so back off), but I’m not petrified, and I don’t avoid going like some people. In my previous workplace, we had a great dental plan, but there were so many people with really awful teeth that it seemed like a lot of people avoided the dentist like the plague, which is the time period when, I believe, that dentists were invented and were used mostly for implanting dead peoples’ teeth into rich peoples’ mouths. I used to work with a guy who was so scared of the dentist that he had to have laughing gas just for a cleaning. I had laughing gas only once, when I had my wisdom teeth out, and all I remember is that it was the surgeon’s birthday and he had helium balloons in the corner, which were apparently the funniest f*cking thing I had EVER seen, to the point where he got really mad and said, “Stop laughing!” And I was like, “This is your fault, you hilarious bastard!” then he hooked me up to an IV and I don’t remember anything after that, except that having your wisdom teeth pulled out REALLY takes the smile off your face. But even THAT experience didn’t sour me on dentistry. Apparently, according to my dentist, I have “boring teeth”, which might sound like an insult, but he said it’s way better than HIS teeth—he’s had three root canals, four crowns, and multiple fillings, which is weird because you’d think with all his access to floss and sh*t that he’d be completely tuned up. I really wanted to ask if he did the repair work himself, like that Mr. Bean show where he gets sick of waiting for the dentist and starts messing with the dentist’s tools and ends up drilling into several teeth, but he had his hands in my mouth so I couldn’t.

Mostly our conversations involve him griping about the fact that I’m allergic to latex so he has to wear vinyl gloves “just for me” and “they don’t fit properly and they’re hard to get on because there’s no powder”. And that’s a way worse inconvenience than me swelling up and choking, which is why I left my last dentist, who was like “there’s no such thing as a latex allergy—stop being a baby and breathe properly”. Yesterday though, my current dentist was quite pleased because he’s got these new blue gloves that are more comfortable. Of course, he still came in the room with the latex ones on, but my hygienist gave him this crazy signal like she was swatting at a bee or something and he came back with the non-death-inducing ones.

I love my hygienist. Her name is Harmony, and she’s very much like her name. We like all the same TV shows, and manage to talk about them while she has sharp hooks in my mouth. I’ve been going to her for several years, except for a brief period when our schedules didn’t match up. But recently, she’s been working more days and now that I’m retired, I have the flexibility to see her whenever I want. I saw her this past Thursday, and even though it had been MONTHS, we picked up where we left off, which is where her pick is in my mouth. Regardless, she can always understand me:

Me: A u een any u ows ately?
Harmony: Oh my god, yes. Have you seen Disclaimer?
Me: I i on etfix?
Harmony: No, Apple TV. Do you have that?
Me: Nuh. ust isney a prime
Harmony: You can get a free trial. Totally worth it to binge this show. Oh, and The Bad Sisters–amazing!
Me: Uh i a-out? I i a ystery?
Harmony: Yes, so I don’t want to give too much away. Let’s just say you need to be on the lookout for clues.
Me: OOOH.

So now, not only do I have clean teeth and x-rays to prove that my pearly whites will last a few more years, I also have some solid recommendations for what to watch next.

In other news, tomorrow is the DarkWinter Press official release of the incredible poetry book Smatterings of Cerulean, by my good friend Susan Richardson of Stories From The Edge Of Blindness and the brilliant poetry podcast A Thousand Shades of Green. And not only is the poetry excellent, there is also a photograph accompanying each piece. And guess who the photographer is? It’s Ken! As you may know, Ken is an amazing photographer, and I’ve used many of his images for DarkWinter Literary Magazine. So if you’re interested in beautiful poetry and photography, you can buy Smatterings of Cerulean here.

33 thoughts on “Harmony; Smatterings of Cerulean”

  1. I’m not afraid of the dentist (I’ve survived two root canals, one when I was just 11), but I’m one of those people who only goes when I have to… in other words, when I’m in utter agony, which has actually been very rare, twice in my adult life. I’m already missing my two front teeth, which snowballed from a childhood accident and a piss-poor reconstruction job by the dental school, so from a cosmetic standpoint, I’m not concerned about what my teeth look like.

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  2. When I was a little girl growing up in New York City, I had this oddly specific dream of becoming a subway engineer—not because I loved trains (though I did), but because I genuinely thought it would be fun to drive one. Also, I was absolutely mesmerized by the conductors’ announcements, which sounded less like coherent speech and more like someone getting a root canal mid-sentence. It was as if they were legally required to stuff a handful of marbles in their mouth before grabbing the mic. To this day, I’m convinced no passenger ever actually understood a word—they just nodded solemnly and pretended like they did, the way New Yorkers do when the universe makes no sense, which is often.

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  3. I don’t want to put down my dentist, who is a cool person herself, but it’s the hygienists I look forward to seeing. They’re like nurses—they work hard but aren’t always as appreciated. And while there’s been some turnover and I miss previous hygienists the last time I had a new one and we talked a lot about ukulele players and The Kinks. She was thorough and professional but still gave me plenty of time to talk. Imagine!

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  5. Obviously, I am Over the Moon about Smatterings and doing this with you and Ken is a total Dream Come True! I Love and Adore you, Lovely Lady! Dentists are a whole other thing. I cried at the dentist until I was 52 and found the most wonderful dentist and hygienist here in Ireland. For the first time in my life, I don’t avoid going. Bad Sisters and Disclaimer are both Amazing!!!!!

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  6. I had braces as a kid so my experiences with dentists vary. I’ve had some great ones and I’ve had some I wish I could poke and prod with sharp instruments in their mouths to see how they liked it. My last dentist was a jewel, loved him so much and then I get a letter in the mail one day saying he’s closing his practice to become a faculty member at the dental school. The dental school is in the medical school I use to work at previously, so now I’m on the hunt for another dentist 🫤. It’s awesome that Ken contributed to your friends book!!

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    • I left my last dentist because she mocked my latest allergy. This one is great except for his complaints about the gloves. But I really just stick around for Harmony! And yes, we’re thrilled Ken’s photography talent came in so handy!

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  7. I’ll have to check this book out. Dentists and dental work give me great anxiety. I sit back and begin meditative breathing just for the cleaning! The hygienists are so young today, that they don’t engage in asking me questions while they are probing my gums and teeth. It used to mystify me and make me mentally laugh when they asked me questions. Captive audience that I was, I couldn’t respond. Uhhhh-huh.

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      • lol – I’m pleased for you. Sadly I’ve yet to meet a dentist who is aware of my problem and actually knows how to alleviate it. I keep telling them, and they nod wisely, then do what they were going to do anyway.
        The last dentist I went to was less stressful re the gagging but that was because she placed like a rubber ‘sheet’ over my mouth with just the tooth sticking out [root treatment]. I didn’t get heaps of stuff going down my throat so that helped but I still had to swallow a lot.
        I’m hoping for them to invent something like a nano chewing gum that does everything while I chew…

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