Third Time Ain’t The Charm

I’m finally back from my European adventure and what a time we had! The cities, the museums, the history—it was all incredible—except for the food. Now, don’t get me wrong—we ate on shore once in Amsterdam (because we were late back to the ship for lunch and they claimed they had ‘no more food’), and it was excellent. No, I’m talking about the food on the ship. Ken and I have done quite a few cruises and we’ve never had complaints about the food, but this time neither of us (and none of the people we talked to) were very happy about it. Let me start with the ‘Angus Ribeye’. It was neither a ribeye, nor was it named Angus. I’m not sure how to describe it. But if you know anything about me at all, you know I love a good steak, so the first night, I was dying to try it. It came—it was mostly fat, but I forgave it because the dessert was cheesecake and that was awesome. Three nights later, I ordered the Angus Ribeye again on the grounds that the first one was just a bad cut. Again, it was mostly fat. But the dessert was chocolate mousse and it was great. Most of the other nights, the food was blandly non-offensive, but on our last night, I was determined. We sat with a mother and son duo quite often and when the son found out I was going for steak number 3, he was appalled:

Ron: You’re not serious. You’re ordering it AGAIN?!
Me: It can’t always be terrible. Third times the charm.
Ron: Okay, but you’re nuts.

Ron was right. It was horrible the third time as well. Another passenger, a dirty old guy who was always a) talking non-stop and b) hitting on all the younger women in front of his wife, was shocked when I told him I thought the food was bad:

Dirty Old Guy: What did you order?
Me: The so-called Angus Ribeye.
Dirty Old Guy: Really? I had that the other night. It was great—at least the half I could eat was great…
Me: I rest my case.

The most notable and weird dish I was served was the Taco Salad one day at lunch. The menu said “Iceberg lettuce, crushed nacho chips, cheese, and salsa, with a Ranch dressing. I ordered it. A giant bowl was placed in front of me. It was an entire head of iceberg lettuce, sliced into 3 huge sections. On top of it was a smattering of nacho crumbs, no cheese, a tablespoon of salsa in the corner and a little runny dressing. I looked at it, then I looked at the waiter:

Me: I don’t know how to eat this.
Waiter: I know, Madam. I’ll get you the grilled salmon.

Anyway, aside from a few subpar meals, everything else was wonderful, but wow, am I ever happy to be home.

In other news, as promised, I have faithfully recreated one of the paintings that we saw in the Museum of Contemporary Art. Below, you’ll find a photo of my painting and a photo of the original. Which one is the copy? Bonus marks if you know the original artist:

I hope you appreciate my efforts—it took me almost an hour. I just wish I got the same kind of money for MY paintings as the original artist—then I could have Angus Ribeye every night.

37 thoughts on “Third Time Ain’t The Charm”

  4. Was it cooked well done too? And by well done, I mean likely to set off any nearby smoke detectors? I think I would have liked the Angus Ribeye charred, even the fatty half. My Mom sees me polishing off the burnt pork steaks at Golden Corral and says I’m going to get stomach cancer. I then politely remind her that it was the food that was cooked for me when I was a child that gave me my taste for over well done meat!

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  5. Cruise food used to be notoriously bad. There’s even a Borscht Belt joke about a man on the sinking Titanic who says “Well if I have to die I’d rather go quickly. I’ll have the chicken.” It’s probably funnier in Yiddish but then everything is. Anyway I commend the cruise planners for going retro.
    Anyway I want to guess the original painting is the one on the left and it’s by Braque. I’m probably wrong on both counts but at least I’ll have learned something.

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  6. barbaramullenix's avatar barbaramullenix says:

    I’m really surprised that the food was so sub-par. Cruise ships are usually known for having really good food. Even crappy cruise liners. Why didn’t you say anything to the waiter about – ‘Hey, how about a steak without so much fat this time’? Clearly, they need to remove that item from their menu. But a good dessert can make up for a host of sins.

    Glad you’re home – hope you got some nice warm weather in any of the places you went to. Because everyone here (South Florida) is whining about how cold it’s been.

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    • Ken and I have done a lot of cruising and I’ve rarely had an issue with the food which is usually plentiful and delicious. This was a VERY different experience but we still loved the ports😊

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  11. Pity about the food but at least the rest of the trip was good. We don’t each much steak but I can imagine that too much fat would be offputting. And I’m sorry, I don’t have a clue about the painting. 😦

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