It All Comes Out In The Wash

It’s been a week since last we met, and the world has become a darker place. It’s been hard to find anything funny to write about, but I do have a couple of things, and I hope they take you away from the darkness for at least the five minutes it takes to read about them. Sending love to all of my followers who are struggling right now.

Anyway, Ken and I are back from our trip, having had a very lovely time. The last weird thing (I thought) that happened was that we stayed at the Glasgow Courtyard Marriot, and it was comfortable and clean, but in our room was something I’d never seen before.

Me: So, I have to ask you something.
Desk Clerk (he’s Scottish): Certainly. Wha’ is’t?
Me: I’ve seen bibles in hotels rooms before, but…The Book Of Mormon?
Desk Clerk: Aye.
Me: Um…why?
Desk Clerk (shrugs): Just a wee tradition, I suppose. I don’t hold wi’ it meself.

So in my review of the hotel, I mentioned it, and the “General Manager” sent me this response:

“To clarify, for the Marriott brand standards, each bedroom will have a copy of the Bible and the Book of Mormon which is a tradition with Marriott for the past 5 decades.”

I didn’t realize that the Courtyard Marriot was owned by the Mormons, or that there were a lot of Mormons in SCOTLAND, but there you go. Make of it what you will.

And just when I thought things couldn’t get weirder…

I have a real obsession with losing passports, in that I’m terrified of losing them. Like, if you’re out of the country, you could literally lose ANYTHING ELSE and still be allowed to go home. So before we left, we did the passport check. When we got to the airport, we did the passport check. Then we were on the ship so they were safely stowed. Then we got off the ship and we did the passport check. The second night at the hotel, Ken suddenly starting going through his luggage:

Me: What’s wrong?
Ken: I can’t find my passport.
Me: WHAT?!
Ken: Never mind. It was just in my pants pocket.
Me: DO NOT LEAVE IT IN YOUR PANTS POCKET.
Ken: It’s fine. Stop worrying.
Me: I’m telling you, that’s a terrible place to keep it.
Ken: I know much better than you. You are dumb. (He didn’t actually say this, but that’s what he was thinking.)

We made it through the rest of the week, and the airport, and finally we got home. The next morning, Ken came out of the laundry room. He looked perturbed. He was holding something very soggy.

Me: What’s wrong?
Ken: I accidentally put my passport through the wash. It was in my pants pocket.
Me: WHAT THE ABSOLUTE F*CK, KEN?       

And now, he has to go through the tedious process of getting a new one. Hopefully before we go away in January. Otherwise, I’m taking the dog.

Will never launder his passport and is very sweet.

41 thoughts on “It All Comes Out In The Wash”

  1. barbaramullenix's avatar barbaramullenix says:

    I took my passport out of it’s safe place and put it with all the things I have to bring with me for identification to get a renewed Driver’s License. But every week or so I look into the folder to make sure it’s still there, because I keep putting the renewal off (long lines, long wait). It’s making me a nervous wreck because it’s not where it’s supposed to be!

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  2. “To clarify, for the Marriott brand standards, each bedroom will have a copy of the Bible and the Book of Mormon which is a tradition with Marriott for the past 5 decades.”

    Such has become the standard for all hotel rooms throughout the United States. As for me, I don’t claim modern religion.

    As for the passport situation, I am again reminded that I need to go and update/renew mine. Hopefully I’ll be successful in keeping it out of the laundry until then.

    Thanks for the laughs!

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  3. My Dad worked at a Marriot hotel as security for the bulk of his working life, so all of our family trips were at Marriot owned hotels due to the discount…. and yep, always the Book of Mormon. I always assumed it was because the founder was a member of the LDS Church. I didn’t read either holy book, though, as I grew up heathen…

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  6. Hi Suzanne, I won’t even touch upon the disaster that awaits us here in the US. Because I’m sure you are very aware. But, thank you for always putting a smile on my face! Just like I tell my other blogging buddy, when will he ever learn? 😆
    I’m so glad you had a wonderful time overseas, it sounds like you had a blast, well maybe you did but Ken sounds like he’s regretting not listening to you, ha!

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  7. When I used to travel a fair amount I would have a number I would use to check my sanity. Say, 5: laptop bag-1, duffle-2, phone-3, wallet-4, passport-5. I would chant these at every terminus, every time I transitioned between stationary and movement. 1,2,3,4,5 OK, I’m good.
    The American Experiment is officially over. Let the Great Diaspora begin. Canadians, beware.
    All religions are evil. Unfortunately, given 50% world pop. IQ<100, such folk need an emotional and psychological crutch. Therefore, religion is a necessary evil, one I cannot begrudge those intellectually incompetent.
    Does Ken know he's || close to being replaced by a cadet?

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  8. The magicians Penn & Teller have “fixed” several hotel Bibles so that if you run a hot iron over a specific page unrelated words like “three of hearts” will be highlighted across the page. They’ve done this with lemon juice. Although they also take a lot of those Bibles, which might explain why I’ve noticed fewer Bibles in hotel rooms over the past few years.
    And I’ve been very careful about keeping my passport safe since I was in what was then Czechoslovakia and temporarily misplaced mine. I fear we’re moving into a similarly authoritarian state here, though with the racism and sexism I’m most concerned about standing up for others.

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  14. Haha the passport story made me laugh pretty hard. I was once cleaning some upholstery for a young couple and as I got deeper into the couch cushions, I found his passport. I let her know and she immediately called her husband. She tore into him haha Apparently they had to cancel a trip the month before because he couldn’t find it anywhere! Hopefully you and Ken won’t have to do the same. Although your dog looks like a really cute travel buddy!

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  17. kunstkitchen's avatar kunstkitchen says:

    Having never stayed in a Marriott Hotel…I have never seen the bible at the Hilton? How’s that for a non sequitur? So glad you didn’t lose your passports! Oh well, another passport for Ken; live and learn, I hope.

    Atlas is adorable in that photo especially against that nice, colorful, nomadic rug! What a sweetheart.

    Thanks for your good humor and the sympathy too.

    Onward and upward!

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