Getting Rusty

I’ve been feeling a little tired lately for a variety of reasons—I’m getting older, the days are getting shorter, but mostly because I ran out of iron pills. “So why don’t you buy more?” I hear you ask, and while you’d think that would be an easy solution, it’s apparently not, because I’ve gone to three drugstores in my area and none of them sell the iron I like. No, they’re NOT gummies, unlike all my other vitamins and supplements, but they do come in a soothing green and gold bottle from a brand that I get regular grocery store points with. But for some reason, all the iron is currently behind the counter, causing me to have conversations with pharmacists who are guarding it zealously, as if the conspiracy theorists are spreading around the rumour that sticking iron pills in a blender and then giving yourself an enema with them will cure you of Covid (it won’t, and please don’t tell people that you’re doing an iron cleanse because mydangblog told you to):

Me: Where’s all the iron?
Pharmacist: Back here with the narcotics.
Me: OK, weird. But I need some.
Pharmacist: Did your doctor prescribe it?
Me: No. You don’t need a prescription for iron.
Pharmacist: Well, did he tell you to take it?
Me: No! Can I just have some iron? Here’s the kind I normally take. (shows picture on my phone)
Pharmacist: Well, I don’t have that kind. Here, this is the same.

So that night, I took the new iron pill with my glucosamine, and only AFTER did I look at the bottle:

Me: Holy sh*t. I think I’ve made a dreadful error in judgement.
Ken: What’s wrong? Did you apply to that acting job at the Hallowe’en farm?
Me: No, I just took one of those new iron pills. My old ones were 28 milligrams each and this one is 300 milligrams! Am I going to rust?! Am I magnetic now? (googles ‘What happens if you take too much iron?’) Oh my god, it says here that taking more than 40 mg of iron a day can lead to organ failure, seizures and, death! I haven’t even retired yet!!

I went to bed that night terrified, and then I couldn’t sleep because I’d taken so much iron that I wasn’t tired. So to amuse myself, I surfed Facebook Marketplace and found these weird ads:

Ad that says We don't fish anymore

Of all the public announcements you could make, this is the strangest. Apparently Werner, at the age of 65, has become a vegetarian, or has given up being a pescatarian, or just wants to give the fish a chance, and felt the need to tell the world, as one does. He doesn’t look very happy about his decision, and I wonder if the “we” was really just his wife who was like “Werner. I hate fishing. We are no longer fisherfolk,” and Werner was like “But I love fishing,” and his wife was like “Not anymore you don’t.” Still, if we’re posting random angry proclamations on FB Marketplace, look for an ad of me looking super-pissed off with the caption “I JUST TOOK TOO MUCH IRON”. But I wish poor old Werner the best of luck in his new, non-fishing life.

Ad that says Free Bees

Hard pass. I don’t care if they’re free; in fact, how would you even SELL bees? Like a nickel a piece, or 5 bucks for a…(googles ‘What is a group of bees called?’ Swarm, Cluster, Bike, Ball, Colony—there are a LOT of names for bees)…bushel? But I don’t want bees—they’re sting-y little f*ckers and I’m sure they’re just as happy as I am that we have a long-distance relationship.

Ad that says Small Child Box

How small do you think children ARE? And is that a ladybug or a face with giant polka-dotted ears? See, now that I’ve said it, you can’t unsee it. Either way, I’m not interested in it even if it’s free because that box is NOT big enough to store a child, even a small child. Now, a bushel of bees might fit…

74 thoughts on “Getting Rusty”

  1. An iron deficiency is generally treated with a prescription from a doctor for folic acid. Perhaps you should ask your doctor, because excess iron can (eventually) cause liver problems, and in rare cases, brain damage.

    * This is not medical advice, but I was a Paramedic for awhile, so I have a basic understanding of this stuff.

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  2. How very frustrating. Seems like there’s always a few “rotten apples” who spoil things for the rest of us. Reminds me of my own frustration over the last several years with trying to get the REAL Sudafed…..the only one that really works. I have a lifelong issue with sinus problems and that has always been the only thing that helps. And then folks started using it as part of their own home-grown meth and all of a sudden it was no longer available on the shelves. You have to ask for it and then give your driver’s license, etc. etc. Makes me feel like a criminal or something!!

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  4. I knew exactly what kind of vitamins you were talking about because that’s the main brand we sell at my store. The only vitamin I ever took was prescription strength for Vitamin D, because when you work nights….. well, my old doctor told me (his actual words) that I had the Vitamin D count of a cadaver. Then my new doc took me off of it completely a little over a year ago. “That’s not something you’re supposed to continually take” he said. So if you rust, I’ll die from lack of exposure to sunlight…

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  7. Well how are you now? Become magnetic! I think you will be okay after few days. Once I did the same mistakes not with iron tablets ,with blood pressure pill. Loved to read your story.🌹🤗👌Thank you very much for sharing ☺️😊

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  8. THOSE AREN’T BEES. Those are yellowjackets and unlike bees, which are generally friendly, or at least don’t like to sting you, yellowjackets will go out of their way to sting you. Maybe that’s why there are multiple schools that have yellowjackets and also hornets as their mascots but none that I can think of that have bees.
    Also I checked and you shouldn’t exceed 40 milligrams of iron per kilogram of body weight. I don’t want to speculate about how much you weigh–that’s between you and your scale–but you may be okay. I had to check because I couldn’t imagine why they’d make pills with potentially lethal amounts of iron, or why pharmacies would sell it even if they did. I can imagine why someone would want to give away their yellowjackets, though.

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  12. Feeling run down? Viv and verve vanished? Truman’s wife recommends Geritroll, squeezed from actual garden trolls, the source of all quality iron supplements.

    Be glad your not related to horseshoe crabs, they use copper as the oxygen binding agent in their blood, which is blue-green rather than red. You’d be licking copper piping rather than mixing cocacola and 16 penny nails together.

    Maybe Ken’s assumption regarding Halloween is his way of seeding your mind with one of his fantasies…

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  13. Great. Now I have a song — or variation, I guess — stuck in my head: “All we are saying, is give fish a chance.” Also, remember to keep oil or WD-40 on hand in case you become rusty. Also, if you do become rusty, that will be your new nickname: Rusty.

    Cheers

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  14. The family that I stayed with when I studied abroad in Spain, LOVED their iron. They would order tiny vials of iron supplements from the eldest son, who was a pharmacist in France. It would arrive in a box, and they sipped it like a fine wine (it was a yellowish red color)–two or three at a time. Then, they would then only serve, cook, and eat meat–a lot of meat, and drink the vials of iron with the meat–and no one got sick or died. So, you’re probably fine? Based on this one, random observation from when my acquisition and understanding of the Spanish language was “developing?”

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  15. I hate it when pharmacies store OTC items behind the counter. I think they are taking that acronym too literally. Don’t particularly enjoy being treated like Walter White just because I need some decongestant.

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  20. If you ever get desperate for your iron, I can search here in Victoria and mail it to you if I find it. It’s not yet considered a prescribed narcotic on this side of Canada. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Thanks the laughs this morning, I’ll be thinking about Werner and his sad photo for a while. 😂

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  22. well you’re the only person now that I’ve met that might appreciate my sharing: when I went for colonscopy, the doc mentioned that taking iron makes poop stickier! during that while, I was needing to take iron & was finding I had to clean the toilet more diligently & regularly… lolol

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