When The Novelty Wears Off

A few weeks ago, we had a neighbour come over to visit. We had just redecorated our bedroom, adding some architectural columns and whatnot and she was interested in seeing the end result. I proudly escorted her into the room where she looked around and complimented me on the new design, but I thought she seemed a little lukewarm and anxious to leave. Then, on our way out, I glanced over at the bed and gasped internally. Ken had wrapped one of Atlas’s tug toys around one of his big rubber bones, and from a distance, it looked very much like something you would find in an “adult” store. I wanted to run after her as she hurried downstairs, holding it aloft and exclaiming, “It’s for the dog!!” but I don’t think that would have helped matters any, and may, in fact, have made them worse. But then I got looking around my house and realized that a LOT of Atlas’s toys look like they may have come from The Stag Shop, which is the most common sex toy franchise around here. So with that in mind, I have a quiz for you: Sex Toy or Dog Toy?

Number One:

Number Two:

Number Three:

Number Four:

Number Five:

Here’s the answer key: All of them are dog toys. I will never have anyone over to my house again.

(Except for today, because we’re having a party for Kate’s birthday last Tuesday and Ken’s birthday tomorrow, so I’ve hidden all Atlas’s dog toys. And his vibrator.)

53 thoughts on “When The Novelty Wears Off”

  2. I noticed this a long time ago during my many attempts to straighten out the dog toy section at work. There was a brand of toys named Kong that literally could have served as dual purpose items….. though I’m not sure the dog would want to chew on them after that!

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    • Although SOMEONE may have wanted to chew on them, haha! And the problem is, whenever Atlas sees me put them all away, he immediately wants all of them, and they get strewn around the house again. I have to wait until he’s asleep, then sneak around:-)

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  3. Oh, no! I think I read somewhere in one of those parenting magazines little snippets of “embarrassing moments with the kids.” In one of those columns, I think a woman had guests over and her five-year-old daughter came downstairs with one of the mom’s lacy lingerie items on, over the dress she was wearing. And the daughter said, “I found a pretty princess dress, Mommy! In one of your drawers upstairs! Why were you hiding this?”

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  6. Do your neighbors read your blog? If not, you might want to publicize it, locally, to you know, explain the strange red cloud that always seems to hover over your home… Among other things.

    What happens when all your broken clocks begin to chime in unison — at 3 am? Did you ever free your home of the bathroom ghost?

    I heard there was a rash of drug raids in your area involving heroin mixed with wood fibers pressed into the shape of nightstands and breakfast nook chairs.

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    • Oh yeah, a lot of my neighbours read it, which is probably good–or better than chasing after them screaming “It’s for the dog!” The new home doesn’t have a bathroom ghost, just a cheeky presence in the back bedroom that was released when Ken and Kate were doing the front porch–must be the heroin in all that wood:-)

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  7. So my first instinct was to say they’re all dog toys but I couldn’t help noticing you described The Stag Shop as “the most common sex toy franchise around here” which made it sound like you’ve researched adult-themed businesses in your area. But I also think you may have had a reason to do that for work or possibly for a story, or maybe you just noticed it, but really it’s none of my business, which is the attitude I’d have if I were visiting and mistook one of Atlas’s dog toys for something else. Then again I’ve lived with dogs so long pretty much everything looks like a dog toy to me, and I’d want to play with Atlas and he’d probably bring me all his toys.

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  8. LOL LOL and re-LOL!! I wish I had been a little bird to see that woman’s face!!

    Happy birthday to Kate and Ken 🙂 (Pleeeeaaase, tell me that the weather is beautiful!!)

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  16. Suzanne,
    Yep, very familiar with Kong. Daughter hates when I say to Bud, “Who loves his big bone! Buddy does! Good boy! Let’s play with your big bone!” Oh well! Hilarious story! LOL. Don’t you want to be a fly on the wall when she tells her husband or best friend what she saw at your place! 😂🤣😂 Mona

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