Schrodinger’s Pants

On Friday morning, I was having a bit of a sleep in, because I’d taken the day off. Ken still had to work, but he’s retiring at the end of June and likes lording it over me a little with his plans to spend the summer building sheds while I’m slaving at the computer. He came out of our walk-in closet wearing a shirt and boxer shorts.

Ken: Should I wear light or dark coloured pants with this shirt?
Me: You work from home. Why are you even wearing pants?
Ken: I always do. But on my last day of work, I won’t. I’ll have my retirement party, then at the end, I’ll get up, diminish into the West and everyone will say, “Hey, he’s not wearing any pants.”
Me: That’s the best retirement gift you can give THEM— Schrodinger’s Pants. All they know is that at any given moment over the last year of your career, you were simultaneously half-dressed and fully-dressed.
Ken: I’m an enigma.

And speaking of enigmas, I saw this online on Friday afternoon.

The first three words I saw were Ranch Dressing, Poison, and Crabs and now I’m a little freaked out because a) I made Ken go to the corner store on Wednesday TO GET ME RANCH DRESSING so what’s next—I have a severe shellfish allergy so is anaphylaxis on the menu this weekend? Also b) if you look at all the words carefully, the majority of them are quite violent and the whole exercise just went from fun to mildly threatening:

Chainsaw
Danger
Sword
Clown
Shim
Poison
Nordebeaste
Crush
Pills
Secret
Quicksand
Demon
Rat
Apologies (which I assume is sarcastic)

The post was introduced with the sentence “It’s that time again” and the following emojis: a laughing face, a face gritting its teeth, a skull, and a demon. So did a serial killer design this list? And then there was this comment below the word jumble: “Chainsaw, unicorn, and music…a perfect trio!” and I will leave you to picture that person’s week all on your own.

In other news, I haven’t provided a quilt update for a couple of weeks because I’ve temporarily given up. I was halfway through row 9 when my 1936 Singer machine literally fell apart, so I borrowed my mother-in-law’s sewing machine and apparently it was built by NASA and I need to learn astrophysics to use it. “Why don’t you read the User Manual?” I hear you ask. Because it’s a generic User Manual for several different models and not a single instruction or picture is for the model I have. So now all I can do is wait for Ken to retire and learn to use it so he can sew more clothes for his marionette, and then he can make Youtube videos that I can follow. And when he does, he may or may not be wearing pants.

69 thoughts on “Schrodinger’s Pants”

  2. The first 3 words I saw were RAY, CRABS, and BEAST. I do plan on spending time in the sun and I’ll have to be careful when in the pond as we do have crayfish. Not sure what beast could be. Sorry you had to take a break on the quilt but I understand your frustration in not having clear instructions. It’s like they just expect you to know how to use things.

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  4. I love his retirement plan! I think your rubbing off on him, finally! As for your quilt, don’t give up, I’m sure Ken will learn how to sew and you’ll have more quilts than you’ll know what to do with!

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  5. I first saw idiot, chainsaw and striptease. Yikes! Does that mean someone is about to lose…an appendage…during sexytime? Ouch. Just say no to chainsaws! Congrats to Ken on his upcoming retirement! He should keep all chainsaws away from his going away party! Just sawing…I mean…saYing. 😎 Mona

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  6. My first words were dress, danger and sword. I had the same reaction you had. The person who made this grid definately has anger issues… Talking about anger, I hate companies that consider that they can make one manual that covers 3 or 4 different models and their specific options… If Ken needs help figuring out how to make your machine work, let me know. I don’t know if you remember Linda from the Cabbage Patch Blog? Her husband has always denied it, but I just KNOW that he works for the NASA, and I am sure he’d be glad to help 😉

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  8. My words were Chainsaw, corn, and tea. (???) I can’t even guess. You and Ken share a wonderful sense of fun, Suzanne. I have a suggestion….instead of Ken learning how to use the sewing machine so that he can teach you, just have him make the quilt! With or without pants. He’ll have the time come June Just be sure to do the final stitch yourself so that you can announce, “I finished my quilt!”

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  10. Bear Humphreys says:

    I started from the bottom right, just to be different. Energy, Music and Crush, that sounds like a gig in the PC (pre-covid) times rather than last week.

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  11. Dun, unicorn, and energy. Dun and unicorn were run together, so they may not count. I’ve forgotten what energy is. Since vaccinations, I did walk through a bookstore that has more rules than my doctors do. No complaints about that, but I could stay only thirty minutes. I had to wear a mask, no complaints about that either, I wear them everywhere. I wore pants; they didn’t post a rule about that. Maybe I’ll try it. Might get me arrested. That would count as getting out of the house. Might take energy. Oh–my mother had a Singer machine that looked like a 1936. Then she got a 1962 model. It didn’t work. The buttonholes, which she had looked forward to, were especially problematic. She used it but often stated her opinion of it. Best wishes to your enigma for a happy retirement, pants or not.

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  12. The first three words I saw were bra, chains, idiots which makes perfect sense to me because all bras feel like they have chains and are most certainly designed by idiots. Take a picture of Ken on retirement day pantless and frame it as a gift.😀

    Sent from Yahoo Mail for iPhone

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  13. My first three words were chainsaw, danger, and ranch dressing, although technically “dressing” may be a fourth word so I don’t know if it counts. Needless to say I’m a little freaked out. A few years ago I started watching The Texas Chainsaw Massacre because it’s supposed to be a classic and I figured I’m old enough to be able to handle it, after having found many excuses to not watch it with other kids when I was young. Anyway I got about twenty minutes in and thought, okay, I see where this is going. There’s going to be a massacre, it’s going to involve chainsaws, and I decided I’d seen enough. Scary thing, though, is it appears to mostly take place on a farm. Or ranch.
    Anyway, nice job burying the lede there. Ken has a marionette? Please share more about that.

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  14. Love, LOVE the Schrodinger’s Pants paradox. Brilliant!

    The first three words for me: Chainsaw, Happiness, Corns, which is really close to what my weekend has been like so far, thanks to all the yard work I’ve been putting off until now.

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  16. lhoke2016@yahoo.com says:

    Hahaha. He sounds like my kinda guy. My girls disowned me when I played golf. They said my color choices embarrassed them. Sooo…what was their point?

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  18. Clowns, Corn, and “OrdBeast”. That was fun!. No clowns or corn invading my apartment, sadly, but I think I have an “OrdBeast” in the shape of a crazed Calico! We’ll see if she likes her name #10. *laugh*

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  21. Oh, you have me laughing. First off, I got clowns, sword and something I can’t even remember because I think I blocked it out. But clowns with swords is enough to make anyone shudder:). And second, am howling at the Schrodinger’s pants story b/c my friend and I use Schrodinger for just about everything–but pants we have not yet gotten to. Brilliant!

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  22. I saw happiness, drama, and crabs. Happiness, I assume, covers being in my new home. Drama is clearly the ongoing renovations (I can’t hear myself think right now over the G-D power tools!). As for crabs… I’ll have to look into that and get back to you!

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