A Magnetic Personality

It’s been a fairly busy week, and what with the lockdown, I haven’t done much outside of work. I DID watch a few things on Netflix and rented a couple of movies, which were kind of hit and miss. Now, this isn’t a movie review site but I’m happy to give you a very succinct lowdown of some of my viewing choices:

Wonder Woman 1984: Pile of crap
Tenet: WTF was that?
Bridgerton: Oh yeah. Damn.

I was excited to find out last night that the second season of Blown Away, the glassblowing competition show, is now on Netflix. And while that doesn’t sound very exciting, there’s a surprising amount of drama and tension, especially since the contestants are working with fire and molten glass—I definitely recommend it. Ken once did a glassblowing course and here are some of his pieces. He also made the wooden vase on the right:

But one of the highlights of the week was finally having a virtual Zoom appointment with an orthopedic surgeon about my shoulder. I deliberately wore a tank top underneath a baggy cardigan in case he wanted to virtually examine it. But he didn’t—he just asked a bunch of questions, then said he was sending me for an MRI. His next question really flummoxed me:

Surgeon: Do you have any metal in your body?
Me:
Surgeon:
Me:
Surgeon: Suzanne? Are you frozen?
Me: No, I was just thinking about it.

And if you know anything about me at all, you’ll know that two things were going through my mind simultaneously.

1) DO I have any metal in my body? How would I know that? I did a mental catalogue and came to the following conclusion: I have fillings in my molars that look kind of silver-y, I have earrings but they can come out, my toenail polish has glitter in it and that can easily be removed, but this is JUST WHAT I KNOW. I mean, I could have metal in my body without even being aware of it. When I told Ken this later, he laughed and asked how that would even be possible, but here’s a scenario:

Dude 1: And after the anal probe, the aliens left metal in my body.
Dude 2 (gasps in horror): That’s awful!
Dude 1: I know, right?
Dude 2: Now you can never have an MRI!

I mean, I don’t believe in alien abduction, mainly because I don’t believe that any alien life form in its right mind would travel hundreds of years across several galaxies in multi-generational ships just to stick a camera up Bob’s ass. But there are other ways you can unknowingly have metal in your body, like did I accidentally swallow a penny when I was a kid and it’s lodged somewhere in my intestines? Also, I’ve had several surgeries—did one of the doctors leave something behind? And then I talked to my dad, who’s a former machine shop teacher, and he said that when he had an MRI, they made him get an eye scan in case he’d ever gotten a metal shaving in his eye and hadn’t realized it. So see, you can never be sure about metal—it’s sneaky.

2) The other thing that went through my mind at the same time, obviously, was what it would be like to ACTUALLY have metal in my body, like what if my arms could transform into forklift arms or something, like a Wolverine, you know? I’d be walking down the street and hear a cry for help and see an old lady (well, older than me anyway) lying trapped beneath a stack of wooden pallets that had just fallen on her, and my forklift arms would shoot out and rescue her by removing the pallets one by one. It would be a slow rescue, but it still counts.

And then Kate just read that over my shoulder:

Kate: Forklift arms? That’s a terrible power. Go to Professor X with that, and he’d show you the door.
Me: No, he wouldn’t. It’s just as good as Wolverine, I mean what’s his power? Spikes shoot out of his hands? You can’t lift sh*t with those.
Kate: He’s also immortal. And you don’t need forklift arms to lift stuff when you HAVE ARMS.

But I still want forklift arms, despite the mockery. And of course, the other big question everyone asks when you tell them you’re having an MRI is “Are you claustrophobic?” I started to get worried because from what I understood, the MRI machine is a giant magnet that they stick you in. Last night, I woke up around 3 am as per usual, and lay there thinking about it, and when I imagined myself in a tight cave, I did get a little panicky. But then I googled pictures of MRI machines and they look more like very thick donuts, and you lie in the hole. So as long as I can get out either end, I think I’ll be fine. Then the best part, and I’m being completely sarcastic here, is that they called and my appointment is at midnight. Midnight? I don’t have to worry about feeling claustrophobic—I’ll be asleep. Unless the giant magnet triggers a hitherto unknown genetic mutation involving forklift arms…

 

74 thoughts on “A Magnetic Personality”

  1. Ken is so talented! Wonder Woman 1984 really was a bad movie, but I still like Wonder Woman, and I would like to train to be able to do all of the things she does. I’m pretty sure she has metal lodged somewhere in her body–I mean, she has been in all kinds of dangerous situations. I guess, if you don’t have metal somewhere in your body–have you really lived? Cheers!

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  2. My main memory of having an MRI is that it’s pretty noisy. Who knew that magnetic resonance imaging involves intermittent loud buzzing? What’s all that for? Is it actually caused by magnets doing a weird little vibrating dance or is it to make the patient feel like something’s happening. Anyway, it made listening to the background radio quite tricky (and I was lucky enough to be able to wear headphones because they were zapping images of my knee).

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      • I pretty much went in up to my shoulders / neck from what I remember. My head wasn’t in the scan area but it wasn’t like I felt my head was outside the overall machine. I was definitely lying inside a big white tube rather than sticking a leg in a hoop. But this is going back several years, so things may have changed a bit.

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  3. I love Gal Gadot, but I hate Kristin Wiig, and the only part of the movie I actually loved was in the end credits. Where Lynda Carter, original Wonder Woman, has a cameo as Asteria, the one whose gold armor Diana Prince wears in the film. This film was not what I was expecting, maybe Kristina Wiig screwed it all up. I think they could have chosen a better actress to play that part.

    At first glance at your bookcase, I saw a bomb. Those red books and the clock in front look like red sticks of dynamite and a timer. I was like, dang Suzanne y’all really live o the edge, lol.

    Forklift arms!? Those would be fabulous, just ask Sigourney Weaver. I’d kill for one of those forklift suits!

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  4. I love your blog. You make me laugh so damn hard every time. And like yourself I would wonder if there was metal in my body I was unaware of. Not sure about the forklift arms though. How about crane arms? Do you think those would work too? But that is more of a Transformer move isn’t it? You will have to think on it and let me know. Have a great day. We just had an easement of restrictions after being in Critical Zone since Nov. 🙂

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  5. Didn’t like WW84 much. Carter’s appearance was the best moment. I’d want to be elastic man if I had a power or telekinesis boy. It’s all about being able to do things without getting up.

    Me: Where are my glasses? Oh, I must have left them in the other room. Then I’d use my elastic arms (with an eye in one finger so I could see) go get them. Works with wine, coffee, books, feeding cats (and letting cats in and out at night).

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  6. Oh this all just gave me such a hoot this morning….lol….nothing quite like a good laugh!!!! I can’t really comment on WW….I’m not sure I ever even saw it. But I REALLY like Michael Seidel’s “elastic man” idea……think of all the cool possibilities!! LoL.
    As for the MRI, they do have “open MRI’s” in certain locations where you can just put PART of your body in the scanner, which comes in quite handy for folks who can’t stand the tight confines of the regular version. You can also ask your doctor for a light sedative to take before the MRI too….xanax or valium or something similar. That would help ensure that you don’t get panicky once they slide you in. And yes, it is very noisy …….sounds like someone banging a hammer on something metal. Best of luck to you…….:-)

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  8. You crack me up. My mom has metal in her head (from brain surgery, believe it or not) and my husband has metal in his ankle (from a bad break), so not a crazy question. But fillings? Hmmm. A lot of us old-ish folks have those. Do they count?

    One story – A coworker of mine lost his arm as a teen in a meat-grinder (I’m not kidding) and he actually had a fork-lift arm. When my kid met him for the first time (at about age 6) the first thing out of his mouth was, “Are you a transformer?” I think we laughed for a year. 😀

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  9. I agree with your movie assessments. I have a lot of Netflix “continue watching” boxes where the little red line is barely visible because after five minutes or less you know it’s crap. WW was a huge disappointment and so is Wanda vision, ick! Wolverine suffered terribly, don’t be him. Now one of those suits Sigourney Weaver wore in Alien? That would be awesome😁

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  11. Make sure you take your IRON vitamins before you go.
    You realize you’d need a forklift body to support your forklift arms.
    We just binged Atypical (netflix) and I would guess that its eclectic bent might appeal to you.

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  13. You always make me smile 😀 the last MRI scan I had lasted 90 minutes. I was supposed to have another last Wednesday but I had to cancel due to having sciatica. I wouldn’t have been able to get off the table. Don’t worry they’re not too bad. X

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  15. I watched some cool movies lately. Don’t know about Wonder Woman, but I do recommend Wonder Wheel, that is if you like Woody Allen’s sense of humor and drama. If not, then you should watch it because of Kate Winslet, who’s absolutely brilliant here.

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  16. If you’re gonna go X-Men with the MRI you really should wish for Magneto’s power. You don’t need forklift arms when you can mold and lift metal just by thinking about it. You could make a flying forklift from any scrap metal lying around that would rescue the trapped old lady! And you wouldn’t have to touch anything! And don’t forget that in X-Men 2 Magneto literally rips the iron out of a guy’s blood and uses it to escape.
    That may not be the best thing to tell you before you go into an MRI, although the guy just had a bunch of metal injected into his body so it’s not like Magneto could do that with just anyone. And even if you did swallow a penny when you were a kid I can tell you from a 7th grade science project I did on acids and metals that penny is long gone, and when it happened you would have had some uncomfortable flatulence for a few days.

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    • If I was Magneto, I wouldn’t have this stupid shoulder problem and wouldn’t need an MRI in the first place. But can Magneto go into an MRI machine or will he disrupt its magnetic field? And thanks about the penny–I’m pretty sure Atlas ate a dime the other day, so it’s good to know it won’t hurt him!

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  20. My MRIs are always in the middle of the night – you get in quicker that way. Our children’s hospital MRIs adults after hours. They let you watch movies during the procedure – they even have a movie menu.

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  22. What can I say after all that? Yes. Glass is zooo cool. I’ve seen people working glass up close and personal! It’s hotter than hades, which made me morbidly fascinated. MRIs not my favorite pastime. I take a pill and cover my eyes with a cloth. This shoulder isn’t bothering you from all the imaginary forklifting you’re doing-maybe? I’m on a Steady diet of watching black and white movies from the noir period. Luv them. Oh, I always have wanted to be able to teleport at will. (Wait a darn minute! Technically, I’m sorta doing that with my thoughts virtually online with ((omg))WiFi!) whew. Wait! Am I in Canada now? 😂🤣

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  23. When I had a head MRI–there was a brain, that’s what they were checking–it was a whole body in the machine thing as the wanted to get the neck part of spinal cord in too. I still have the resulting slides, the cross sections with a slice down through my skull like someone split my head from the top down with an axe, a few complete with half an eyeball, are particularly good.
    Although I had headphones on, I could hear the machine’s noise, lots of whirrs and hums, so I was turning the rhythmic sounds into some music in my head. Admittedly some music that was a bit repetitive, but it helped pass the time.

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    • I think I’m definitely going to take headphones after all the everyone has said, and I hope it doesn’t take too long! Good job I don’t have those bionic eyes I was longing for…

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  25. Ha, I went for an MRI, and I start to take off my belt, and they’re like, “You can leave it on” and I’m left to conclude that the young MRI operator has never seen a belt before. Which just happens to be the same belt that I wore in my punk days in the early 90s. Which, of course, has two rows of metal studs lining the belt all the way around. (I would put in a photo but I have no idea how to add photos to comments.)
    So I tell the kid that I’m taking off my belt, and I take it off and I hold it up, and he’s like “Yeah, take off the belt. Good idea.” I’m like “No kidding!” Well, I used another word, but…

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  26. I’m glad you’ll be getting your shoulder looked at. Though, maybe the surgeon can install those forklift arms. 🙂 Can’t hurt to ask. I agree with you, Blown Away is a great show. The skills of those people . . . wow.

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