Creative Wednesdays – Lobster

“Lobster” is a very personal piece of Creative Non-Fiction, published by the wonderful Anti-Heroin Chic. Before you read it, there are a few things you might need to know:

1) Is it true? Yes.

2) Who’s Jimmy? That’s Ken. It’s OK for you to know it, because you kind of know him, but I didn’t want the world to know it too, and I’ve always liked the name Jimmy. It seems comforting somehow.

3) Are you OK? Yes. It’s been a long time and I’m over it. But a few weeks ago, I was going through a closet and found a box with a bunch of things from my teens and early twenties. Most of it was nice, nostalgic, but there was that envelope of photographs. I hadn’t seen them in years; I don’t know why I’d never thrown them away. You may, if you follow me on social media, have seen a couple of pictures from my teen ‘modelling days’ but those were taken by a boy at my high school who was the yearbook photographer and had fashion aspirations. When I found the envelope that I talk about in Lobster, that same fury came rushing back. If I was the person I was then that I am today, things would have gone much differently, but I learned a long time ago not to beat myself up for things I did when I didn’t have the advantage of years of knowledge and a stronger sense of self.

4) Where is he now? Long dead, I imagine, and lucky for him because, as my dad said to me late last night after he read the piece (before I could write this and provide some context), “He’s lucky he’s dead or he would have gone to his grave without any teeth.” Both my parents are wonderful people and I wish I’d been able to tell them about it at the time.

Anyway, now you have some context. Writing this was very cathartic for me and I feel honoured that Anti-Heroin Chic published it. You can read Lobster here.

 

 

43 thoughts on “Creative Wednesdays – Lobster”

  1. Oh my god. I guess we are older and wiser, not just as people but also as a society. I’d like to think that this is way less common now but jeeez, some people are just horrific scumbags.
    Love & best wishes to you Suzanne.

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  2. barbaramullenix says:

    I have a similar story, but I was a little older (20?). So you’d think I’d have known better. What’s worse is that this foul individual advertised ‘need models’ in the newspaper, giving it the hint of respectability.

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  3. Wow! I just finished reading the story–it’s very well-structured–and a story that needs to be told. It makes me wonder: How many are out there hiding the things from the past–because they still slowly burn?

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  4. Suze says:

    I want to go find that POS and horsewhip him! How DARE he do that to any young woman? How DARE he do that to YOU? I’m with your dad on this one……….and honestly, I admire you more than ever for your strength and humor.

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    • He was about 60 at the time, so I imagine he’s long gone, lucky for him. I always wonder if I had come forward, how many other girls might have as well. One of my big regrets.

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  5. Oh wow, Suzanne, this may be my fave of yours so far. I still have a lump in my throat. That was a very brave thing to do (I’m still not that brave when it comes to such stuff, so I’ll have to wait more).

    Much love to you (and Anti-heroic Chic, wow! They are big. Way to go, girl. I thought they stopped publishing. They did announce it last year.)

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    • Thank you. I cried a bit when I finished writing it and haven’t been able to read it back without my chest clenching, but I’m glad I did. And yes, Anti-Heroin Chic is fantastic–I know you’ve been in more than one of their issues so I feel in very fine company!

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      • Actually I was only in one issue, the last one, if I recall correctly, then they announced at some point they were back to put up one last issue. I had no idea they are back and I’m so glad because I’m in love with the stuff they publish (I was esp addicted to their CNF, so it makes me beyond happy to read you here.)
        It’s incredible with writing, come to think of it. We open up about things we never told anyone, because we were young and inexperienced and afraid people would judge us. In that way, writing is really cathartic. It makes you do what you thought impossible. Of course you cried, who wouldn’t. And it’s good that you did, because you probably didn’t back then (I certainly didn’t). I’m really proud of you!

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  9. Wow that hit me in the feels. Very brave of you to put that out there. I’m glad it made you feel better to do so. I’ve wrote about a few things on my blog that I would never talk about in person. I also have a few more hiding in the back of the closet that have almost, but not quite, gotten out yet. Thanks for sharing this.

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  11. It’s too bad the woman you are today wasn’t sitting there instead. So much of our naïveté at young ages is remembered, thinking, why did I do that or why didn’t I say that, etc.

    Sent from my iPad

    >

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