My Week 250: WWJD, A Special Day

Yesterday, I was driving to the secret agency’s offsite location in Mississauga. I had just gotten off the highway and turned onto the service road approaching the site when suddenly, some kind of liquid gushed onto my accelerator foot. I was immediately freaked out, as one would be, but because I was driving in traffic, I couldn’t look to see what it was so I had to suffer the terrors of my imagination for at least two minutes, during which it occurred to me that the liquid might be a) the blood of a small rodent who had just died in my dashboard b) the urine of a bat that was living in my dashboard or c) me leaking in some way. When I pulled into the parking lot, I tentatively pulled my foot out and looked at it. Water. There was water on my foot. Where it came from, I had no f*cking clue, but suffice it to say that I was disturbed by this aquatic turn of events. Then I thought “Aquatic? Wait…could it be?!”

Hello again, ladies.

Yes. It could. You might recall that, a few weeks ago, a colleague had a birthday and she—well, all of us were all gifted with a life-size, cardboard Jason Momoa. And guess who had arrived at our secret location yesterday? That’s right—Aquaman himself. I walked into our temporary office and there he was in the corner in his bespoke suit, a lei draped casually around his neck, like a giant cardboard guardian angel sent to watch over us all. And then it all made sense:

1) On Wednesday, the water dispenser ran out of drinking water. Well, Aquaman needs to stay moist. The rest of us mortals will just have to suffer on occasion.

2) On Thursday, we went out for a quick lunch. On the way back, despite the sun and heat, we were caught in a sudden rainshower. I was initially angry, because I don’t dry well, but then I realized that it was just Jason, pouring his love down on us.

3) On Friday morning, there was the water on my foot. Despite my initial shock, I now understand that it was a blessing from Jason, welcoming me back to work in the way that only Aquaman can.

4) On Friday afternoon, the skies opened up and the rain came down like a monsoon. The building we’re in is known for flooding easily, and everyone was panicking, but Jason just smiled his enigmatic smile and the rain eventually stopped. The only damage was to the car of a colleague who had left all his windows down and was now faced with soaked upholstery. Well, Jason tried to warn him.

WWJD? Close the car windows.

And it’s so helpful having him onsite. Yesterday, someone asked me a question:

Colleague: So what should we do?
Me: Hmmm. WWJD?
Colleague: What would Jesus do?
Me: No, Jason. What would Jason do?
Colleague: Ah!

WWJD, my friends.

I’m A Terrible Audience But Ken’s A Good Listener.

It’s true. I’m really terrible at listening to other people’s stories sometimes, because I have random thoughts that get in the way. I have family members who get really frustrated when people (ie: me) interrupt them to ask questions, or clarify a point, and they will sometimes just give up (ie: scream “Oh for God’s sake, never mind!). Luckily, Ken is used to this, and has no storytelling ego. He will just patiently address my thoughts and questions, then get back to his story. For example, in the car the other day:

Ken: …and then we all went to the RARE Slit Barn—
Me: Is that a STRIP CLUB?!
Ken: No, it’s a nature preserve funded by a charity called RARE. A slit barn has vertical slits in it for ventilation—
Me: Ha! It SOUNDS like an exclusive strip club, like “Then we all went to the Rare Slit Barn, had a drink and a lap dance…
Ken: So anyway, they had students there who were training as interpreters—
Me: What, like for sign language? Was everyone hearing impaired? I’d love to learn sign language…
Ken: No, NATURE interpreters. To teach other people about the nature preserve—
Me: That would ALSO be a great name for a strip club: The Nature Preserve…
Ken: It was incredible how professional the students were. Everyone learned a lot.
Me: Slit Barn. That’s awesome.
Ken: Sigh.

But Ken? Unfortunately, he’s a very good listener:

Ken: Hey, Pete just posted a picture of the commemorative stone he bought for the new Lions’ Club Splashpad. It has the name of the pub engraved on it.
Me: Cool. Did we buy a commemorative stone?
Ken: Of course.
Me: Nice. What does ours say?
Ken: ‘Slippery When Wet.’
Me: WHAT?! It does NOT!
Ken: That’s what you said you wanted.
Me: I WAS KIDDING!
Ken: You were? Too late now.

Aquaman would be proud. Happy 29th Anniversary, Ken. I love you.

58 thoughts on “My Week 250: WWJD, A Special Day”

  3. I’m a good listener but where I come from, it’s perfectly normal to interrupt sb to ask questions, or clarify a point. That’s a contructive discussion. If I don’t interrupt you now, I’ll forget about later so what’s the point?
    What an adorable pic. Happy anniversary you too.

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  5. Hilarious as per. And even though I still don’t really know much about Jason, other than his aqua antics, please feel free to keep featuring his cut-out in your posts. Regardless of subject. And what WOULD Jason do? I think the answer is smoulder. Perpetually.

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  6. Happy Anniversary to you and the ever patient, super hubs Ken! Lol
    Your the luckiest broad on earth Suzanne you have Ken AND Jason Momoa? What’s raining on you is luck, pure unadulterated luck! Sometimes you should think, WWKD? Because Ken is the epitome of cool headed reason, lol.

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  8. Have I ever mentioned that you remind me of my husband. He would have made the strip club comments. LOL! His favorite question to ask when someone starts telling a story is “Is this going to be a long story?” I have gotten used to this and usually reply, “Yes, now listen.” LOL!

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  9. Oh, YOU TWO were babies when you married! 29 years. Congrats. I’ve only been married for 14, 6 of them good. (j/k) I’m sure is WAS Jason, sending you all those signs… I’m sure if Jason Momoa was not married to Lisa Bonet he and I would have run off together by now… I’d buy gills and we’d live happily underwater together for the rest of our lives, he as Aqua man, and I would be a mermaid… WWJD? Check the tank that is supposed to HOLD the water under the hood!!! Do NOT drive without said water in the tank thing under the hood, it holds the water that obvs. BROKE. OMG! You are the actual funniest person I have ever met in my life! hahahaha! I am going to feel Aqua man’s presence soon in my pants, and not in a romantic way!

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  12. Happy anniversary! It must be the Slippery When Wet anniversary because that’s what Jason would do. Also I think it’s great that Ken goes right on with his stories even through your interruptions. Just between us, in fact, I think your interruptions make his stories even better. I’d be disappointed if Ken were going to strip clubs but you’re reminding him he’s going to places that sound like strip clubs.

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  17. First off, before I get distracted, happy anniversary! I do love that pic of you two. I’ll try to post the wedding day pic of Mrs C and I again, soon, for comparison. BTW, we are 11 days away from our 22nd. 😉

    Now, back to the topic: I am a terrible listener. In fact, I don’t even pretend to be a good one. I generally cut people off and say something like “so what happened?” or “is that relevant?” or “skip to the point” to get the thing on. I know, I know. Luckily I’ve gotten real good at projecting a body language to avoid long bouts of small talk. Folks pass right by with that stuff most of time and talk to someone else about nothing for hours on end.

    Well, everyone but Rodger. Rodger doesn’t let me get away with that shit.

    Ironically enough, I can chat on in writing (obvi) or text forever without the same curtness. I tell Mrs C all the time “don’t call me and tell me you’re off work, cuz then I’m stuck on the phone. Just text!”

    It’s kind of amazing I made it 22 years, yeah? Or I have any friends at all. Except Rodger (obvi).

    Did I say happy anniversary!? 🥂 🎉🥂

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    • That’s so funny—me, I hate texting! I’d much rather have a quick, to the point conversation (where I get to clarify whenever I want). I think it’s because I have to wear reading glasses and it’s such a bother! And thanks—I’d love to see that pic of you and Mrs. C again😊

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