My Week 246: Buttons and Bones

Every so often, my parents give me a tin of Quality Street chocolates. I’m not a particularly big chocolate eater, so I put it on the table in my office next to the little antique box I have full of chocolate squares, chocolate eggs, and Lindors. Why do I have so much chocolate if I don’t really eat it myself, you ask? Because a lot of other people REALLY like chocolate. It’s useful for so many things. For example, it ensures that people drop by and see me regularly just to “steal a chocolate” (although it’s not really stealing if I’m constantly saying “help yourself”), and I appreciate the company AND the momentary distraction. Also, after you’ve asked someone in the IT department to do you a favour and they’ve done it WITHOUT making you “log a ticket”, it’s really nice to offer them a chocolate reward in return for their help (and oh my god, I will never be able to say ‘log a ticket’ with a straight face ever because all I can think of is that it’s an awesome euphemism for using the bathroom, like “I just need to pop out of this meeting for a moment to log a ticket”). Finally, chocolate is fantastic for when someone is ticked off with you:

Colleague: Did you forget to review that very important document that I sent you?!
Me: Would you care for a Lindor? They’re filled with raspberry cream. Now what were you saying?
Colleague: I…mmm, they’re delicious.
Me: They are, aren’t they? Now, if you could just excuse me for a moment—I need to log a ticket.

Quality Street chocolates are very popular. In fact, on Thursday, someone from another floor ran past my door on his way to do something apparently important, but then he doubled back, darted into my office and grabbed a handful of Quality Streets. As he left, he waved the fistful of chocolates at me and said, “I love coming up here!” And it made me really happy. What didn’t make me happy though was that there were only a few chocolates left in the tin and when I transferred them into my other little chocolate box, I was left with—you guessed it—a large empty tin. What the f*ck do you do with an empty tin? It’s like Schrodinger’s Container—it’s simultaneously too useful to throw away AND too useless to keep. Which explains why every button in the world is kept in a tin. You all know I’m right. In fact, if you ever give anyone a tin of Quality Street chocolates, the first thing they say is, “Are there really chocolates in here or is this just a tin of buttons and sewing supplies?”

Nana’s buttons

The first tin I ever remember seeing was also a Quality Street tin. It did NOT contain chocolate. It contained the entirety of my great-grandmother’s button collection. Why did people collect buttons? I don’t know. But there were hundreds of buttons in that tin, and I spent many a pleasurable childhood hour sorting them by colour and size. I still have that tin in my cupboard. So when my Quality Street tin was empty, I took it to the kitchen at work with a note on it: “Free—great for buttons or sewing supplies”. So maybe, 50 years down the road, another woman will be saying “Why the f*ck did Nana have this many buttons?!”

Living Your Best Life

Which of these people is living their best life? Leave your vote in the comments below:

1) Me

This week, one of my colleagues had a birthday and another member of the team got her a life-size cardboard Jason Momoa which she put in her cubicle facing towards the door. I got to see him every day and he was VERY lifelike. Someone put a lei around his neck and we all pretended that he was saying “Aloha” to us every time we came into the office.

Aloha, ladies.

2) OR This Guy

A man was arrested this week for stripping naked and swimming in the shark tank at Ripley’s Aquarium. Right before that, he had started a fight at Medieval Times—I don’t know if he challenged one of the Knights to a joust but I wouldn’t be surprised. I was also surprised to learn that he was NOT from Florida—he was released on his own recognizance to go back to British Columbia.

So who’s living their best life? It’s a tough call since they both have an Aquaman theme, but you decide.

Addendum 1: This week was big junk day in our township, where everyone puts out cool stuff they don’t want anymore. I got Frank the stuffed fish at big junk day five years ago. So when Ken got home from work on Friday night, I made him drive me around to look at junk.

Me: Ooh, there’s a lovely pile of junk here, Ken!
Ken: Ergh.
Me: Turn right! I think I see a table top to go with the table base we just found.
Ken: Ergh.
Me: Look! There are two chairs—I can paint everything and make a set!
Ken: Ergh.

I love big junk day; Ken not so much, but he’s a good sport about it. Then when we got home, I started to unload the large, solid oak tabletop out of the back of the SUV and it slipped out of my fingers and onto my foot, which may or may not be broken now. But it was worth it. (Update–my foot is still swollen but it’s functioning as normal, so I don’t think I broke any bones.)

Addendum 2: I went on the Amazon website to order volumizing cream for my hair and discovered that, despite not being told ANYTHING by my publisher, my new novel, The Dome, is available on Amazon and Chapters Indigo for pre-order, the release date is October 15th and it’s currently ranked #543 in Dystopian Fiction. I was super-excited about breaking into the top 1000, but then I realized that the first chapter on both websites has the formatting wrong. The chapter heading “Chapter 1: Dee” runs right into the first sentence and there’s no paragraphing–it’s making me crazy and I want to yell out to the internet “IT’S NOT LIKE THAT IN THE BOOK!!!” Maybe they’ll change it if I give them some chocolate.

81 thoughts on “My Week 246: Buttons and Bones”

  1. Ieronimo di Maltibella says:

    1. “Log a ticket”…I thought it too and my inner 10 year-old snickered before I even read what you wrote :}
    2. That guy’s parents must have been from FL originally.
    3. I vote for you. “Oh, by the way, Khal Drogo, my book is available for pre-order…”

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    • My inner ten-year-old is omnipresent as well, and I agree, I think I win the contest. The best part was that, from my office, I could overhear people saying, “Hi Jason” or “See you tomorrow, Jason” like he was really there. It was awesome.

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  3. Oh my… the Quality Street tin containers! LOL That brought back such vivid childhood memories 😉 I wonder if there was a mention on the early versions, saying they were great for buttons and sewing stuff, or if some lady thought about it, and the idea went viral in Canada (and who knows, maybe all of North America!!). How did an idea go viral back then? Without FB, Twitter, YouTube and blogs?? Was it just popular in a little village, but then, peddlers noticed the clever use of the tin cans, and went around saying ”Hey, them people in St-Jean-Port-Joli, they really found something neat to do with the empty candy containers…” ??

    Hmmm. Am I thinking too much? Maybe…

    I hope your toe gets better soon! 🙂 *hugs*

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  4. My great grandmother had sewing supplies in her candy box. My 5-year-old self never learned and always expected to be given a chocolate. Damn those buttons. And definitely shark tank guy is livin’ the dream.

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  6. Oh my, the seeing my book out of order would drive me insane! And I’m so psyched to know your book is on preorder too 😁. My granny had three large cookie tins, I’m thinking because they were given to her for Christmas, full of buttons and sewing supplies too. I remember the cookie tins being very beautiful and intricately decorated, they were beautiful. She must have had thousands of buttons in them. Wow, I hadn’t thought about those tins in years, thanks Suzanne!

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  8. My first thought is I would take jason mamoa over chocolate any day ( yes even the cutout)! But my next thought as my toes tried to curl, is oh my good I hope it’s not broken…if it turns out to be I have an extra boot I can ship you. In the US at least that would be the cheapest route. (shipping is much cheaper that healthcare)

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  9. Congrats!  I could use that cardboard cutout.  I’d put it on my side of the sliding glass door, looking out–probably cause a few accidents in the parking lot!  😂  Now I must check out that chocolate brand, but Lindt is my favorite.

    Sent from Yahoo Mail for iPad

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  10. Going to pre-order right now! But first I have to go and get the correct credit card out the the old tin of Joe’s that once contained Irish biscuits; and I am pretty sure he brought the tin with him when he moved here from Ireland many years ago!!!!

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  11. My tin is filled with old pennies. I suppose I’ll shake it menacingly at burglars and they’ll be so annoyed by the slightly abrasive noise they’ll just turn around and leave.

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  12. I’d love to go junking with you! Sounds fun! As to buttons, I have a bunch that I keep in a jar cuz they’re pretty. Also, I remember when I worked for a non profit (adults with autism) and I kept two baskets on my desk: one with regular candy and one with sugar-free candy. It really helped to bring in people so we could get to know each other. I kept the good stuff, the chocolate, locked in a cabinet. That usually only came out for the women who were having a really tough day! I hadn’t thought about that in so long. Thanks for the memory, Suzanne! BTW, since you’re not that into chocolate, what is your “go to” that you have stashed and locked away for those stressful moments? Mona

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  14. Authoress51 says:

    I love the idea of Junk Day. We have Neighborhood Yard Sales, but Free sounds so much better.
    The 2nd guy wasn’t jailed and he took some risks so I would have to pick him for having a better day. Sorry

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  15. When I read the first line of this post I found myself musing, “What are street chocolates? Are they like street tacos? Well … they must be good. They’re QUALITY street chocolates.” And then I kept reading and all became clear.

    Great post, as always! And congrats on your book being published! I’m totally stoked for you.

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  19. After giving it a lot of careful thought I’ve concluded that Jason Momoa is the one living the best life, at least for the moment. He’s hanging out in your office where he can grab chocolates whenever he wants and he’s gotten lei’ed.
    Although you are in a close second. You may not be a big chocolate eater but it’s there if you want it and you have so many places to store buttons if you ever accumulate that many buttons. I have a feeling button-hoarding had something to do with the Great Depression and maybe people saved them because having the occasional piece of clothing with mismatched buttons was better than having no buttons. Also you’re getting a book published even if there is a formatting issue that’s so egregious it makes me want to log a ticket.
    Anyway Ken is third in the living the best life contest. I think he deserves something for being made to say “Ergh” so many times.

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    • I agree with everything you’ve said, especially about Jason Momoa—I’ve never seen him on Tv where he didn’t look absolutely ecstatic. He looks like he’s definitely living the life! And Ken says “thanks”—he’ll happily take third😊

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  20. In no particular order;
    I don’t knowingly know who Jason Momoa is, but he is indeed very easy on the eye.
    Also love the idea of a neighbourhood Junk Day. Such a brilliant idea, especially helpful for people that may have stuff they want to get rid of but have no means of taking it to a charity shop.
    I have an old tall Quality Street tin containing nothing but Smurfs! It was a petrol token promotion back in the ’70s and my Dad collected the little Smurf figures and hid them round the house for me to find. They now all live in the QS tin.
    I would visit your office every day for sweeties. 🙂

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  22. My best friend at work, years ago, would always pick up something to read and say he was going to “solve a murder.” I never understood exactly why he started using that phrase but it always cracked me up. It’s even better than “taking the Browns to the Super Bowl” in my opinion. 😉

    For what it’s worth, I know what the buttons are for. My MIL collects them, and always has. In fact, when I moved her stuff up from Salinas a couple of months ago I swear that in at least four of the boxes there was nothing but buttons (exaggeration level: high). One day, though, she went to leave for Bingo and she had a couple of hats with her as gifts, each one covered in carefully-sewn buttons. “My friends are button fanatics, too,” she happily replied when I gave her a quizzical look.

    So, apparently, button collections are to make creative gifts for other button collectors. On that note, I am fashioning a set of pajamas out of comic book pages to give to my buddy Darren.

    You are clearly living your best life, and I feel the question was rhetorical. Had the gentleman left his leather jacket on, a la Fonzie, this would have been a much harder question to answer.

    Book ordered!

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  24. Congrats on the early pre-ordering availability of your new novel! (Whew, that was awkwardly written, but I hope you know what I mean.)

    As for Quality Street, those things are DANGEROUS. At an art gallery where I used to work, the owner sometimes put Quality Street chocolates in the candy dish on the counter and EVERYONE who came by said, “Ooh, Quality Street. Don’t mind if I do.” Those things would never last the day.

    I laughed out loud at “Schrodinger’s Container”. You know it!

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  25. I worked with someone who always had a small basket of choclates on her desk. I would drop in every so often when I needed a chocolate fix, but I also bought her choclates to refill the basket.
    I think it is a wonderful thing that relieves stress, even if only for a brief moment.

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