My Week 245: It’s Questionable

This week was insanely busy, and I didn’t know what to write about so Ken suggested that I answer questions from my fans, to which I replied, “I don’t have any.”

Ken: Fans or questions?
Me: Some of the former, but definitely none of the latter.
Ken: I’m your fan. Here’s a question: What would you NOT want to find in your house?
Me: What? Why are you asking me that?
Ken: Because a Florida man–
Me: ALWAYS the Florida man. What did he do this time?
Ken: Found an eleven foot alligator in his house.
Me: That. Definitely not that. What about you?
Ken: Ummm…snakes.
Me: You don’t like snakes? Since when?
Ken: Since always.
Me: 30 years and I did NOT know that.
Ken: I’m an enigma.

At any rate, I have no actual fan questions, so I’m going to make some up based on the notes and photos I found on my phone:

Fan Question 1) Is physics always right?

No. And my answer is in direct contradiction to a Jeopardy contestant who appeared a couple of weeks ago. Ken and I are currently obsessed with Jeopardy because there’s a guy on right now who’s won over 2 million dollars. AMERICAN dollars. That’s like 7.5 gazillion Canadian dollars, although I might be slightly wrong on the conversion rate. I’m no longer overseeing math people—now I have a really big team that specializes in language, so my math skills are getting a little rusty. Anyway, we feel sorry for the people who have to go up against “James” since he always rings in first and usually gets the answer right. If you ever watch Jeopardy, you know that after the first commercial break, Alex Trebek always asks the contestants questions about themselves—the questions are cheesy and the answers are sometimes cringe-worthy. So Alex asked this poor woman, “I understand you’re a physicist. Why do you like physics so much?” and she said, “Because physics is always right.” And I was like, “That’s BULLSH*T, BRENDA. Schrodinger’s Cat is not BOTH alive and dead. A cat is EITHER alive or dead, whether you can see it or not!” See, this is my issue with physics. You can’t claim that just because you put something in a box, that it exists in two simultaneous states. I mean, you can CLAIM it, but just because you say something doesn’t make it true. You can SPECULATE on the state of the cat, but that doesn’t change the fact that a cat isn’t f*cking magic. As you can see, I would have made an awesome physicist. And I would NEVER put a cat in a box, although if you’ve ever owned a cat, you know that they do love being in boxes.

Also, on the same show, Alex asked the other challenger, who was a Science teacher, this: “I understand that you use an unusual method to explain nuclear force to your students” and she said, “Yes, I tell them that protons and neutrons are attracted to each other the same way I’m attracted to Chris Hemsworth. Yowza.” OK, she didn’t really say ‘Yowza’ but as a former high school teacher, let me tell you that it’s completely inappropriate to talk about your imaginary love life with your students. EW. Just ew.

Fan Question 2) Who do you call if you have a noisy bathroom fan?

Apparently you call this guy—talk about a niche market. I can picture the high school Careers class with the teacher asking everyone, “So what do you want to do when you get out of high school?” and the one guy just lighting up: “I want to fix noisy bathroom fans!” and the teacher saying, “Amazing—there’s a school JUST for that! It’s called Hogwarts!” (I don’t know why I thought of Hogwarts, but it made me laugh so hard picturing this guy at a school for magic and wizardry pointing his wand and yelling ‘Reparo’ at bathroom fans. Also, his name in this strange divergency is ‘Tim’ as in the following conversation:

Dumbledore: Hmm. My bathroom fan seems to be on the fritz. Someone get Tim—he’s the best at repairing noisy bathroom fans.
Tim: Reparo!
Dumbledore: Thank you, Tim. Have a lemon drop.).

Fan Question 3) What has disappointed you most this week?

In the bathroom at work, there is a noisy bathroom fan—no, just kidding. There’s a plastic bag hanging off the tampon dispensing machine full of brightly coloured things. For weeks now, I’ve been speculating about what might be in the bag. Balloons? Toys? Tiny kites? Special prizes like you would buy at the dollar store and give to kids at a birthday party? I finally decided to end the mystery by looking into the bag. And lo and behold, it was full of feminine hygiene products wrapped in different colours according to size. Apparently , the dispensing machine was broken, so they just put all the stuff in a bag and hung it off the handle. It reminded me of the time when I was 8 and I had red measles (because I was vaccinated too early). I was feverish and delirious, and my brother went to the store and bought me a present with his own money, which was very sweet. I opened my eyes and thought it was a super-cool fancy water gun, but when the delirium broke, I realized it was just a long stick of bubble gum. At least in my brother’s case, it was the thought that counts, but the bag full of pads was just mean.

Fan Question 4) Are you a professional antiques appraiser?

Yes, apparently I am. A while ago, I was asked by the local Heritage society to act as an appraiser for their local “Antiques Roadshow” because Ken and I used to own an antique store. I hadn’t done any appraising for a few years, and I was super-nervous, but I had a lot of reference books and I knew a couple of the other appraisers. I held my own, being able to recognize a Parian statue, and accurately date a powder flask etc., and then a reporter from the local paper asked for a picture. It came out last week, and there I am, using a magnifying glass on the bottom of a pewter tankard and looking like a slightly maniacal detective, but the description refers to me as a “professional appraiser”, so now I know what I can do when I retire.

Fan Question 5) Did you recently buy a velvet dress from a thrift shop?

I had to. See, two weeks before, I was going through my closet and taking out all the stuff I never wear. I loaded up everything into several bags and took them to the local Goodwill. Then I came home and started to feel terrible because there was a particular blue velvet dress that I really should have kept. It was bothering me for a while, so last week, I popped into Goodwill, went to the dress section and there it was! I was so thrilled, and the best part? It was only 8 dollars. So I took it to the counter:

Cashier: That’s a really nice dress.
Me: You won’t believe it, but I donated this dress a couple of weeks ago, and I just had to buy it back.
Cashier: Why?
Me: Because I was wearing it on New Year’s Eve a little over 20 years ago and I had just found out that I was pregnant with my son. I was so incredibly happy, and we have photographs of me in it with a huge smile on my face. I really needed to get it back.
Cashier: Aww! That’ll be 8 bucks.

Money well spent.

53 thoughts on “My Week 245: It’s Questionable

  1. Lol, I’m a fan of yours you always make me smile. I’m pleased you got your dress back too. It’s good to donate and then buy back. The funny thing was a short while ago I donated an exercise bike to the British Heart Foundation ❤️ little did I know I would need it myself lol. I’m not rushing to see if it’s still there though 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I’ve been watching Jeopardy since James started playing and honestly, he’s getting on my nerves. I want him to lose already! Maybe it’s just my OCD, but I HATE the fact that he goes for the last square first. Alight already, so try going horizontal already, or in a z, but stop hogging all the high dollar squares!
    And yes, physics, Schrodinger’s cat, enough said, and no, not all cats like boxes. Charlie refuses to sit in any box left on the floor. So maybe Schrodinger was wrong, because he never met my cat Charlie. Love that picture of you and Ken, the dress was worth you hunting it down, for sure.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Suzanne,
    For someone who had nothing to blog about, you had a lot to blog about! I loved it! Question: Do you know what Bojana meant when she said “I had to”? I swear, this is going to drive me nuts today until I find out! LOL. Also, I’ll never forget when a friend of mine’s husband (a teacher teaching 7th grade) mentioned his penis to the kids in his class. I don’t remember the circumstances of why he mentioned it (it’s been over 20 years ago) but that sort of thing is definitely frowned upon; especially when said teacher is from California and is now teaching in a very conservative Texas town. Oh the drama! As far as I know, he learned his lesson and he hasn’t made the same mistake twice. Of course, going forward, he’s never going to be able to teach biology in Texas, no matter how much time passes. Heheeeheeee!
    Second question: was the lemon drop you wrote about the same lemon drop that was found at the bottom of the nuclear reactor in Good Omens? Because if so, that damned lemon drop gets around. But if it is the same lemon drop, can it be in both the bottom of said nuclear reactor and in Tim the Bathroom Fan Repairman’s hot little hands at the same time? Because if an imaginary cat can be both dead and alive in a box, I don’t see why a lemon drop can’t be in two places at once. Then again, I’m not a physicisisist. I think I may have one or two many letters in that word. Oops. Mona

    Liked by 3 people

    • I just thought she meant “I had to laugh”—hopefully she clears up the mystery lol! I know I said penis in a meeting but i would never have done it in my classroom. I once had an administrator reference the size of his manhood to me—I wasn’t the only one and he last his job eventually 👍

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I don’t have anything in my closet older than 5 years. My house isn’t bit enough for a lifetime of memories so photos will have to do. Glad they let you buy it back. I wonder how often that happens.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I not only now know who to call to fix the rattling antique exhaust fan in my bathroom (appliances from the 1970s incontrovertibly qualify as antique as far as I’m concerned), but who to call on to have it appraised! Twofer!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Because of my lifelong interest in science I was prepared to argue about the “physics is always right” question but you’re right about Schrodinger’s cat and I also remembered how physics is relative. I just read something about how all the laws of physics go crazy in a black hole, and physics can’t always be right if it keeps changing the laws.
    And speaking of changing laws James on Jeopardy is getting on my nerves too with his skipping around all over the board.
    I’m glad you didn’t break any laws to get your dress back though.

    Liked by 3 people

    • If you watch James very carefully, he follows the same pattern pretty well all of the time. I didn’t like him at first, but he’s really starting to grow on me–maybe that’s one of the changing laws of physics as well!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Oh I just love your story about the velvet dress! At least the money went to charity. What’s your best find from a thrift store? They’re called Charity shops in the UK, my best find so far was an adorable wooden pirate ship for my daughter!

    Liked by 2 people

  8. My mom calls me everyday… to tell me what happened with the Jeopardy dude. Fan questions? You’ve definitely answered mine and I’ll never live in Florida! Alligator, snakes, AND (you need to know) cockroaches OH MY!!! I need loud fan fixers cell phone number, think he’ll come to MInnesota? If I were his mom I’d be proud! Seriously, there’s a career that’ll never be taken over by machines! Boxes, cats, hog warts…. I’m at a loss. The Antiques, I could help you! I never owned a store but I know antiques!!! Just incase… you need, er, help? Score on the $8 buy back! (I have done the same damn thing!) 😂🤣😂🤣 oh well, it really means something when you buy back your own donation!

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Love the pic at the bottom. That’s you and Ken, right? At least I hope it’s Ken. Now that’s another story entirely if it was George from accounting……anyway….moving on.

    I would love to go back in time and do a little Q and A with my 19 year old self. One of the questions would be why Bryan do you think it’s a great idea to chase around with the baddest girl in the valley in hopes of a bright future?

    He’s stumped for an answer in case you’re curious.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Ieronimo di Maltibella says:

    Ha! A relative of mine was on Jeopardy years ago. She said trying to think of answers to the inane personal questions was the worst part and after every one thought, “Agh, why did I say THAT?”

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I haven’t watched any of the Jeopardy guy but I hear he finally lost, right? And I hear he is still only second place all time, right? And I hear he lost a librarian from Chicago, and that just doesn’t seem right, right? I hope everyone appropriately kept it down when she won.

    As for physics, maybe it’s all in the spelling? I mean, psychics are always right, and maybe that’s what she meant. A good psychic could even tell you if the cat in the box is alive (or a fox). Honestly, though, I didn’t even know Schroeder owned a cat. How come it never sat on the piano?

    But as a big fan I now feel compelled to ask you a question. Something not involving blue velvet, preferably. Okay, here goes:

    If you’re driving down the ocean in your jet ski, and the wheel falls off, does it still take the same amount of pancakes to cover a doghouse?

    I’ll take my answer off the air. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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