As I told you last week, I’m working off-site with no days off except for yesterday. I’m really tired and it’s making me a little punchy. I know this, because on Wednesday morning, I turned on my laptop and actually yelled at my computer boyfriend Carlo because once again, he pronounced my last name wrong, and I was like, “SAY MY NAME RIGHT, B*TCH!”. Luckily no one was around to hear me because I arrive at the site incredibly early to avoid rush hour. I normally don’t mind that Carlo says the last part of my surname like ‘Why-Talk’ instead of ‘Whit-ick’, because who would even think that was correct in the first place, but in retrospect, I think he might just be passive-aggressive, because he has no trouble with the part that I own; it’s the part that Ken owns that seems to irk him, so maybe it’s subtle jealousy.
So I’m irritated, and when I told Ken last night that I was feeling punchy, he looked at me questioningly and I said, “That means I might punch you”, which I did at about 2 am when he wouldn’t stop snoring. Finally, I said, “You know what?! I’m going into the other room and I’m taking Quackers and Brian with me!!” and he said, “GOOD! Then you can’t hit me with them anymore!” (Quackers is a duck and Brian is a shark, in case you’ve forgotten.)
But the one good thing about being away from the office is that I’m almost next to the airport, and watching an airplane take off is something that never gets old for me. The other day, I was walking to the plaza to get lunch. I looked up as a huge jet roared by, and I thought ‘People are so smart. Look at that airplane. A monkey couldn’t invent an airplane. They aren’t even particularly good butlers.’ And I know this because I have done quite a bit of research on the topic “How to Train Your Monkey Butler” and let me tell you, it doesn’t sound very promising. Stupid monkeys.
Love that story! Ken IS the person to call in this particular situation, so the Car Phone Lady got it right. Maybe the piano team was just trying to get a running start? Maybe the plan was to put the piano in the van and drive it far, far away and then ram the van quickly through the doors of the church?
LikeLiked by 3 people
I really think THAT was the miracle–her getting Ken right finally!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I named my car phone lady, ‘Nelly’ from Little House On The Prairie.
Loved the story. Let us know if you hear anything in the news about a stolen piano
Lol
LikeLiked by 4 people
I keep looking at all the hydro poles to see if there’s a “Missing” sign! I love that you named her Nelly–do you ever say “Whoa, Nelly! Make that call!”?
LikeLike
I suggest you guys change your names. That is you.
It’s not Suzanne, it’s Barbie. That way everybody will know your hub’s name.
LikeLiked by 4 people
Barbie? Hmmm. Only if I get the camper and the Malibu beachhouse!
LikeLiked by 1 person
You sure will…..I wrote about it. You’ll know it when you see it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Punchy is right, and you may be the only witness to that German church piano hijacking gang! As for the car lady, she never, ever gets the voice commands right! Like the autocorrect on my iPhone. I mean, when in the hell do I want to use the word “ducking” when I’m feeling verbally punchy!?!? NEVER! Also if she’s not going to get my voice commands right, I’d much prefer to have Bradley Cooper’s or Sam Elliot’s voice get it wrong, then maybe it be okay with my car calling the wrong person. I’d just sit in my car during lunch talking to my car calling the wrong number all day long, just sayin’. 😎
LikeLiked by 4 people
Ooh, can I get mine to sound like Benedict Cumberbatch? Then he can call whoever he wants:-)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ooohhh the sweet soothing sound of Benedict Cumberbatch that sounds llloooooovvveeelllyyyy, like buttah, lol.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You make me and my wife laff so much 😊
Love the German piano mover story. If only it had been made of cardboard, eh? 😉 (sorry, couldn’t resist bringing that up again)
There are so many similarities between you & Ken and me & Sue (there’s another one); thanks to my eldest daughter’s Xmas present to Sue I now have to share my bed with a heatable owl called Hootie🦉who doesn’t understand where my bit of bed starts. A key difference, though, is that it’s Sue that does the snoring.
As for nonrecognition of “Ken”, this is because it’s a very short phoneme and therefore hard to recognise clearly (my day job is in speech analytics). Easiest solution is to rename him in your phone as something longer, such as “The Incredible Ken”. I imagine you will have a ball coming up with appropriate epithets 😁
LikeLiked by 4 people
So maybe I should change the contact to “Kenneth the Snorer”? Maybe that will help! Poor Quackers and Brian are the ones really taking the beating:-) Hootie is heatable? Ooh, that would sweet!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Also, I LOVE your cardboard piano–it would have been much easier to get into the church!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great post sgain! You always make my Sunday, but I’m glad I don’t live across from your balcony! : ))
LikeLiked by 2 people
Ah thanks! But if you did, I’m sure there would be no shenanigans;-)
LikeLike
Omg that’s hilarious!! I mean the piano story and your phone lady. I think your phone and my car’s Bluetooth pairing system might be related.
LikeLiked by 2 people
They’re probably sisters from another transistor, lol!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahaha!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
There are so many questions here. Is there another entrance to the church and how far away is it? And why couldn’t they use the front door? And why is Jesus painted to look like Greg Louganis and would I have noticed if you hadn’t pointed it out? The mystery of the disappearing piano sounds like a Nancy Drew title.
While the car lady rarely understands you is a lesser mystery, more Hardy Boys fare, but Ken was the perfect person to call because what happened to that piano will keep him up all night.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Unfortunately, there’s only one door, and that’s the front–Ken was super-intrigued when I told him and wanted to walk around town and see if he could find it. I was hoping maybe it was in the local pub but I was in there for hours and it never showed up…
LikeLiked by 1 person
I need to know where the piano landed? Mysterious…
LikeLiked by 2 people
When Ken came home, I told him and he was going to ask the Lions if they knew anything about it….I’ll keep you posted!
LikeLiked by 1 person
The German gang took the church’s piano… they had special powers and disappeared after hanging around outside talking about probably disappearing for a rather lengthy time… who ARE you? 😂🤣😂 Some kind of conspiracy whisperer with stuffed animals!!! I’m LMAO! The car lady… I can’t even… I’m afraid of her and she only listens to my hubby… what is THAT about? Obviously the car lady has it out for married women. There is a story there. Some kind of conspiracy story! Ha! Terrific post! You are a delight to read, always!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Dang, I’ve missed reading your page. I don’t know why I just seem to stop looking at other blogs when I’m taking a hiatus from my own. I hope you don’t mind, but I put a link to your hilarious page in my latest Fifteen-centric post.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Aw thank you!!😊
LikeLike
I can’t believe you put me in with Rush, Leonard Cohen and all those other great things—I’m honoured!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well deserved!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I know I can always come to your corner of the blogosphere for a good laugh, and I needed one today.. Thank you..
LikeLiked by 2 people
Always happy to be of service!😊
LikeLike
You ARE right about that door. So glad you included the picture.
Sometimes I feel punchy. Sometimes I feel bitey!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Or even stabby!!
LikeLike
lololol love the photo of Jesus! whenever I think you’ve come up with my fave post of yours, here’s another one!
& good ones, Jay & Ms. Witick 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
aheee – pardon, Ms. Whitick
LikeLike
I pretty much answer to anything at this point–no one knows how to pronounce it unless I tell them first!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Aw, thanks!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Several mysteries here. Did they not have the key to the door? Was the door too narrow when open? If so, did they think of removing it from its hinges? Or was that what young German with the hammer was attempting? Perhaps they decided they had the wrong church; maybe it was the “other” church, without the diving platform that needed a piano. Or maybe, they asked their phone in German what the delivery address was, and it only spoke Korean.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The door-to-piano ratio looked pretty promising to me from across the street so I don’t know. I’m just still obsessing a little about where the piano actually went!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Brilliantly Hysterical, as ever, Suzanne! I love that you named the robbers!!!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well, when you’ve got a German heist team, you HAVE to give them Die Hard names😁
LikeLiked by 2 people
Absolutely! I may need to watch Die Hard again soon!!!!
LikeLiked by 2 people
I guess the musical heist was just not their piano forte.
LikeLiked by 3 people
🤣🤣🤣Excellent!
LikeLike
You have a balcony?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, off the bathroom!
LikeLiked by 1 person