My Week 228: Dishing It Out

It’s been a hectic couple of weeks and I know I have a lot of catching up to do, mainly because I got tagged for a couple of things by some blogger pals. I try hard to keep track but I only post once a week, so sometimes I have to go a ways back to remember what I’m supposed to be doing, and I only respond to these things if a) the questions are interesting or b) I can just make sh*t up. I don’t have an “award-free blog” which I recently learned is a thing, and frankly it befuddles me. It’s like celebrating Christmas but telling people “don’t buy me any damn presents” or being the Jehovah’s Witness of blogging (and in a strange twist of fate, they actually just came to my door right now to battle for my immortal soul, as they do fairly regularly. I won, as I also regularly do, but they took a moment to remind me that Jehovah loves me anyway, which is an award in and of itself, am I right?). Anyway, I guess some people have their own agenda or whatnot, and blog awards interfere with that, but me, I’m always looking for a topic that I can turn into something mydangblogggy, and just have a good time with it. Now, I’m not fishing for any more nominations—I’ve been tagged in a few awards already and it’s just the nicest thing imaginable to me that someone cared enough about my writing to do that, especially since I know that I’ll never get a Pulitzer or even a White Pine Award (that’s an Ontario thing) but goddammit, I’ve been nommed for the “Made My Dish Award” and I’m super-pumped. This award was totally invented by my friend Cecelia at Fixin’ Leaks and Leeks because I made dinner using one of her recipes, and it was delicious (I used gluten-free pasta but don’t tell her because I don’t want to give this award back). So now I have to answer a couple of questions, and they’re very good ones:

Unwrapped? Hard pass.

1) When you leave a restaurant, do you look for a bowl or mints or candies?

I might look for them, but I would NEVER touch them. Have you never seen those exposés where they take a blacklight and shine it on the candy bowl? There’s enough feces on those fruit drops to give you a nice healthy dose of dysentery. It’s a sad fact that a lot of people don’t wash their hands after they use the bathroom on the grounds that “I never actually touched anything” but YOU DID, BOB. And then Bob touches the candies with his poopy hands and it becomes a dish of norovirus-covered nougat. I have a strict policy to never deliberately ingest anything that is offered to me in an unwrapped state (see below for details). I also sanitize the handles of shopping carts, as well as the headrest and tray of my airplane seat. I recently watched a documentary about airline cleanliness, and it was a shock that not only are airplanes hotbeds of bacteria, but that the headrest is the dirtiest part of the plane. Who knew?

2) What is a candy that should be invented/sold?

If there was a candy that tasted like a good New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc, I would be happy, although I know you can get ice wine chocolate, so maybe it’s already been invented. I used to really like salted chocolate but right now, that’s giving me terrible flashbacks.

And as you know, if you answer any or all of these three questions in the comments, you can also claim a “Made My Dish Award”, the dish in question being a blog.

Also, I was tagged by my pal and fellow Canuck (with an abiding love of Denmark), Cyranny of Cyranny’s Cove for the Solidarity Blogger award, so thank you for that. There’s only one thing I have to do for this, and that is to talk about what solidarity in blogging means to me. So I’ll get serious for a moment and say that if it wasn’t for this wonderful blogging community, I would never visit other countries, try great recipes, learn about art and graffiti, read incredible poetry, listen to great music, laugh (especially at the adventures of Alistair and Alexis), cry, commiserate, rejoice, grieve, think deeply about important topics, and mostly try to bring a little levity to YOUR world.

Synergy:

Ken and I have been married so long that sometimes we don’t have actual conversations. We just KNOW.

Me: That.
Ken: Yes.
Me: I know, right?
Ken: Uh huh.

The other night, we were driving home, and we passed a sh*tload of pylons:

Me: What?
Ken: Couldn’t get a building permit.
Me: Parking lot then.
Ken: Mmm.
Me: That fire.
Ken: Yeah.

The one thing we DON’T have synergy with, though, is music. Especially when we’re driving and Ken has control of the radio.

Me: What IS that? Is that a documentary? Like, on the radio? NO.
Ken: She’s an author. It’s interesting.
Me: She’s crying because she got divorced and her mom won’t forgive her. Her mom needs to be more supportive and you need to find something else to listen to…OK, I’m not 60—try again…this sounds like elevator music…Disco is DEAD, Ken…not COUNTRY!…put on Virgin Radio…you just switched the channel from one commercial to another…go back—that was Nirvana…yes, I know you hate that Calvin Harris song, but I like it—don’t be so judge-y.

We usually just end up compromising on the Comedy Channel:

Ken: Is that?
Me: Yeah. I love him.
Ken: That one joke.
Me: I know, right?

And just this morning:

Ken: The doorbell rang?
Me: Yup.
Ken: Jehovah loves you.
Me: Obvs.

Synergy.

56 thoughts on “My Week 228: Dishing It Out”

  1. clsooner16 says:

    OMG! I am totally freaked out now as I am about to fly this upcoming Wednesday and had not even thought about all the creepy germs lurking to make me ill out there. I think somewhere in my mind I have to suppress the uncleanliness of people or I’ll never lean my house. I will however be the crazy lady on the plane pouring Purell all over her seat (Jehovah help me).

    Why in the world would a restaurant have open candy? That is just unappealing, not only does it break health codes it’s the place where the flies party. Not to mention candy attracts kids..kids =germs of all kinds which =illness. I forget about adults not watching their hands and think about kids that pick their noses then pick through anything they can touch. So now I have more phobias to add to my list..ahh! Congrats on your awards you deserve them. Your blog has been the best blog I have found and I look forward to reading it every week. Since reading your blog I am now more aware of those plastic dental floss on the ground and want to send you pics each time, lol. I have a broader knowledge of life in Canada, being from the US we usually get a stereotypical version of people and now I will probably never sit in a plane seat w/o hosing it down with Purell. Thank You for sharing your life with us. Thank Jehovah for sending you our way 🙂 keep up the good work.

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    • I always carry anti-bacterial wet wipes with me, and yes, I’m the lady who’s wiping down every aspect of the plane seat like Howard Hughes. I’m so happy that you enjoy my blog, and that I’ve made you aware of all the dental floss thongs in the world. I still see them everywhere myself and it absolutely boggles my mind!

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      • clsooner16 says:

        I wonder if people see them like cigarettes and just flick them out into the world when they are done..not caring that there are billions of other people that have to come across the offending things. Maybe I can start using my new bacterial wipes that I will be carrying with me to pick them up and throw them away properly? 🙂

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  2. Sidewalk salt! Priceless Suzanne and congrats on your award. I think most of the civilized world are aware of the germ filled everything floating around out there, like sidewalk salt. This is why I never touch the handrails on stairs or the buttons in the elevator, I mean I push the button but usually not with my bare hand. Because if the open candy bowls at restaurants are germy, can you imagine stair handrails and elevator buttons? Just sayin’. I always look forward to your posts Suzanne! 😃😎

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  3. Now that I know that there is such a thing as an Award Free Blog I’m going to put a lot of effort into keeping it that way. Being Award Free is kind of a badge of hono…never mind. I do want to win a White Pine Award, although my chances of winning the Pulitzer are better. Anyway, I don’t want to know how Bob takes care of business without touching anything, mostly because that’s impossible. I’m not germophobic but cleanliness feels good and I believe it’s a courtesy to others.
    Also there’s a sushi place I go to that has a big container of M&M’s next to the register and I can’t imagine a worse combination than chocolate and sushi.
    I’m trying to think of some way to say that chocolate sushi candy would be the Jehovah’s Witness of candy because that would be a Pulitzer-worthy metaphor.

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    • If anyone should win a White Pine, it’s you:-) I am absolutely outrage by the mere thought of delicious M&Ms being tainted by sushi. What a horrible thing to do to chocolate! At least the JWs don’t try to poison you!

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  4. Very nice job with those questions! Congratulations again!!! Yes–as you point out–it’s important for sanitary reasons to stay away from the mint/candy bowl. I do know better, but I can’t help myself. I’m not sure what that says about me:) Cheers!

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  5. OMG. Laughing so hard! I’ll try to repond.

    Well, there goes MY after dinner mint. Why is the car radio so difficult with the hubs? Yep, us too. Especially when the hubs finds something I just HAVE to listen too! I don’t get the ‘blog free award’ business. I think it’s because people don’t know how to cut and paste? I have no idea. Once you’re tagged for a reward there are no take backs!!! People, please. I have been removed from an award list! HAHAHA… Duh? No take-backs! (Who knew there were rules.) Jevohia still loves me!

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  6. Ok mine is an award-free blog because I don’t have time….meaning there’s no chance I’ll get awards. Simple as that. And yes, I actually tell my guests – don’t buy me any damn presents, not even for birthday. Crazy….I know, I know. It’s not easy living with me.

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  7. I don’t mind the candy dish if the mints are individually wrapped. I would NEVER take one that wasn’t. Yuck! Also, I’m glad to see The Husband Dude and I aren’t the only ones who have abbreviated conversations. LOL

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  8. One time, I was running around the track that goes all the way around Rice University and a bug flew into my mouth. It was a pretty big bug, too, and I was ready to spit it out except a whole bunch of other people were coming towards me on the track right then and they were young and happy and oblivious and I didn’t want to spit it at them or have them see me flip out about the bug so I waited until I was past everyone to spit it out, which took probably 25 seconds and felt like an hour.

    It was long enough to start tasting the still living bug.

    Somehow, the salt story reminded me of that and now I’m wishing I’d saved this for my blog because it is a wonderful and disgusting story.

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  10. Bob is a selfish prick. There I said it, someone had to. I only eat the mints if they are individually wrapped to avoid playing a round of dysentery roulette. Speaking of cooking, I’ve been preparing meals for Rob & Laura lately. It’s amazing how much red meat and gluten these nonagenarians can tolerate. My hubs tries to send me the minimum in communication via text. Today he sent: “Nuts” but I refuse to play the minimalist game so I replied: “I know you are but what am I” and I suggested he read it in in a Pee Wee Herman voice.

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    • Bob IS a selfish prick, mostly because he’s modeled on someone I actually knew. I wish I was Rob and/or Laura because I really miss gluten. Luckily Cecelia’s recipe was so full of meat and cheese that you could barely notice the lack of gluten!

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  13. The candy/mint bowl! People are so gross! I’m with you – I never TOUCH that stuff!

    I was at a restaurant one time and I watched a woman pick up a handful of little disposable jelly containers on the table, bite the corners off, and then suck the jelly out and put the empty containers back in the bowl. Why are people so gross!!

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  14. Suzanne,
    Like Harry above, I’ve had the unfortunate experience of having a bug fly into my mouth. I was gagging and hacking to get it out, but it had flown too far in and I ended up swallowing it. Pfft, pfft, pfft. Eew, eew, eew.

    Congratulations on your nomination; however, I’m confused! So I was sort of nominated for a Sunshine Blogger award, but before I commit, what’s this silliness that you write about regarding the status of having an award-free blog? Aren’t we looking for validation and community? I mean it’s not exactly an Emmy, but, it still seems like an honor to get nominated by a fellow blogger for anything. So could you please clarify and go into a little more in-depth about this or send me to a site that does? I did get tagged in blogger tag a few weeks ago and that was fun. I responded to that, but it wasn’t an award or anything. I’m still working my way around all of this blogger stuff. Also, I loved your answers. You are, indeed, the Queen of Irreverence!

    David and I have the same deal you and Ken seem to have, we know each others thoughts without saying much or anything. We also have that thing between us when listening to the radio. Once I realized that he wasn’t aware of who Queen was, Ryan and I formed an intervention and have started quizzing David whenever we are in the car. Whatever song comes on, we ask him who the artist is. He’s getting better, but he’s only 100 percent whenever it’s a Metallica song. Go figure. What’s scary is that Ryan and I know all of the classic rock songs on the radio! I’m still working on learning some of the newer rock stuff. Now if I could only do the same thing with all of the deep tracks they play on Sirius! Damn, this went long. Got lost in reverie. Sorry. Again, though, congratulations! Mona

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    • I don’t understand the “award-free blog” thing, so I can’t send you to any resources, unfortunately. I guess it’s just a personal choice that people make, but this gal likes presents! Congratulations on your award–you definitely are a Sunshine blogger and you totally deserve it!

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  15. Another great post. I look forward to your posts every week! I recently decided to go award free because I had received many and my answers to questions are not new anymore, just boring,…ok, yeah, I already heard you say that….which is true, of course. Just blogging in general does get to be repetitive.

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  16. Mine us an award free blog out of necessity. I posted a poem today and have had to respond to well over one hundred comments. That is not including comments from my previous posts. Or my reading the bloggers that follow me

    My blog is a full time job. That is why I only post twice a week. I need my own life too.

    Nice post.

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  18. I realize I’m some weeks behind but every journey of a thousand blogs (okay, maybe three) begins with that first step (okay, syllable). And because I’m out of the loop I won’t chastise you for not mentioning the word “Rams” in your solidarity. I’ll assume I fall under the umbrella of “commiserate.”

    Your commiseration is appreciated. Tom loves you. And that is, indeed, an award all it’s own. 😉

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  19. Oh my god, the sidewalk salt story!!!!! I am dying laughing right now Suzanne! The mints in the bowl….so gross….never ever eat those…..And I always love the conversations between you and Ken!!!! You make my day, Beautiful Lady!!!!!

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  21. So goddamn funny! Love the car conversations. I’m Nine Inch Nails AND Nancy Sinatra, a little bit country, a little bit Rock’n’Roll 😉 I don’t buy or eat any food that’s exposed to the elements or bodily functions. Disappointed of course that the photo wasn’t your pudding offering. THAT would deserve an award. I agree with your stance on blog awards. How lovely for someone to even give a mention? I’ve been fortunate with nominations, so I usually keep a note and then reciprocate in one hit. I at the very least acknowledge and pay forward/return the kindness, although I sometimes play fast and loose with the rules 😉

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