Yesterday, one of my colleagues said, “I’ll be back in a bit. I have to go to the hockey pool meeting.” And I was like, “There’s a hockey pool? Why didn’t I know about this?”
She said, “Were you in it last year? Because I think the invitation only went out to people who did it last year, but you can come with me if you want. I’m sure it will be fine.”
And that was all well and good, but I hate to go places where I’m not invited. I also hate to go places where I AM invited, if you’ll remember my anxiety last week over meeting Gary Numan. But I had conquered my fear last week, so maybe I was on a roll. After a little hemming and hawing, at which point she said, “Ok, see you later,” I yelled, “Wait up!” and went with her, the words ‘I’m sure it will be fine’ ringing ominously in my ears.
Sure enough, there was a reason for the ominous-osity. I walked in the room and said cheerfully, “Hey, does anyone mind if I join the hockey pool?” I was met with glares and complete silence. My poor colleague sat down at the far end of the table while I waited. Finally, the organizer sighed and said, “It shouldn’t be a problem. I’ll just create another team. It’ll mean less players available for everyone, but that’s…OK.”
Let me just state for the record right now that I don’t even like hockey particularly, nor do I follow any team. I had no idea what a ‘hockey pool’ even was—I thought we would just pick a team to win the Stanley Cup and in about ten years from now when this year’s hockey season is finally over, the person who picked the winning team would get kudos or whatnot. But I realized that things were quite a bit more complicated when I looked around the room and realized that everyone else had roster sheets, statistical analyses, and printouts of players listed by position. I had nothing but a vague sense that I was doing this wrong. In fact, I had to leave within the first couple of minutes to get my cellphone, because I had to set myself up in an app that would track my team, which was a “fantasy team” made up of any players I wanted. I have no idea what was said in my absence, but when I came back, it was pretty obvious that there was a certain level of impatience in the room as I tried to log on and get this sh*t done as fast as possible so that the DRAFT could start. Yes, draft. All 12 ROUNDS of it.
We had to pick a number out of a hat, and I got 15. There were 16 people, so that meant I got to pick almost last, which sounds sh*tty, but I was relieved because it gave me some time to think about hockey and any players that I knew the names of. There were 2: PK Subban and John Tavares. They were both picked before it was my turn. When it came to me, I looked at the player list projected on the board and yelled out a random name. Everyone murmured in approval, so I was feeling a little more confident, but because I was second-last and the next round started from the bottom, I had to pick again almost right away.
With all eyes on me, I picked another random name, and the guy across from me said, rather snarkily, “You can’t pick HIM. You already have a goalie” to which I replied “Oh, is that what the G after his name meant?” and everyone rolled their eyes. The man next to me shoved a roster over and said, “Here. Pick from the D list” and I was about to say, “Oh come on—I’m sure SOME of them are very nice men” when I realized that D must stand for Defence and not what I initially thought it meant. So I picked another name, and there was a visible sense of relaxation around the table as it became apparent that I was no threat to anyone who, for the twenty dollar buy-in, was trying to build a serious, winning team.
We got through 6 rounds before someone came to the door demanding the use of the room for a webinar. So far, here are the players I picked and why:
1) Frederick Anderson: I like his last name. It reminds me of The Matrix, and hopefully he has some special powers like Neo. But he’s a goalie so I hope he doesn’t do that bend-y thing to dodge the puck. If he lets in a goal, I’m going to say, “Mr. Anderson…you disappoint me.” Also, he plays for Toronto, and that’s where I live sometimes.
2) Tyler Seguin: There’s a character in my new novel named Seguin. Maybe it’s an omen. A GOOD omen, not like those Damian movies. He’s also Canadian. I just looked him up and he won the Stanley Cup in his rookie year, so maybe I’m good at this after all.
3) Morgan Rielly: I’ve always liked the name Morgan, and I like that he spells Rielly in an eccentric way. He also plays for Toronto, and I’m trying to build a Maple Leafs roster as best I can, because THIS IS THEIR YEAR. We say that about the Leafs every year, but now I’m on board with that.
4) William Nylander: Also a Maple Leaf. His name rhymes with Highlander. That was a great movie, and it would be f*cking fantastic if hockey was a competition where the teams fought with swords. I think the tagline for the movie was “There can be only one” and that’s just like winning the Stanley Cup.
5) Matthew Tkachuk: Early in my teaching career, in the year 1997, I had a student named Mike Tkachuk. I sent him to the office once for continually yelling out in class “This sucks!” He was talking about some music we were listening to—he wasn’t particularly inclined towards anything other than metal and spent a lot of time stoned (these are two separate facts about him—I’m not implying that people who like metal smoke a lot of marijuana). The principal made him write a list of 25 better ways to say “This sucks”. To his credit, he did it, and handed it to me at the end of the day. I laughed my ass off—number 10 was “Snow is better than this music”, number 15 was “This music is worse than vegetables”, and number 25 was “This isn’t music to my ears.” He was actually a pretty clever kid when he tried. He was so pleased that I found it funny that he never gave me a hard time again. I still have the list after 21 years. I hope Matthew Tkachuk is just like that. And he plays for Calgary, so at least he’s on a Canadian team.
6) Mark Giordano: He was a panic pick. I had just realized that PK Subban’s brother Jordan plays for the Leafs so I was all set to pick him, but then everyone yelled at me that he was a rookie and probably would be playing in something called the AHL (?). My next pick was a guy who was 6 foot 5 because THAT’S TALL!!, but he was in some kind of contract negotiation, so I went with Giordano, who is the CAPTAIN of the Calgary Flames, so ha ha, hockey pool people.
Apparently, we have to do the last 6 rounds on Monday, but I’m getting pretty good at this. One of my favourite movies is Alien Vs. Predator, and not only is there a hockey team called the Predators, there’s a player on that team who looks just like the guy who works at the liquor store that I go to…
Thanks, Stanley.
Btw, there’s nth like going places where you’re not invited.
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Yeah, it was pretty dire for a minute, but it would have been more embarrassing to run away!
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Yeah, I guess. It depends on the host…and the mood, among other things.
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So, it took me a few to figure out there wasn’t a real pool where hockey players play. Okay, I actually thought maybe the ice rink melted and that it was going to make for a really weird hockey game– don’t judge me! I’m in Texas! Also, it’s still early Sunday morning! Anyway, I like the intuitive way you choose your players, Suzanne! Hope all your fantasies (players) come true!
Epithet aka Mona
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Thanks, my friend, although if it was a real fantasy league, all my players would be Benedict Cumberbatch.
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OH MAN! THAT WOULD BE AMAZING!
Mona
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OMG I am SO glad it wasn’t just me! I’m in Houston where they sold off our hockey team so all Texas has are the Stars!
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But you have the Astros!
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Yeah but that’s baseball and I adore baseball, don’t get me wrong. I love hockey too though!!!
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I just saw the Astros play in Toronto—it was a great game!
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I bet the Astros won too. Sorry, the Blue Jays just aren’t as good! Sorry not sorry 😂
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Actually the Jays won!
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Good for them!
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Hey… I just have to mention… Congrats for your goalie! You probably don’t know, but you picked a Dane, and who wouldn’t want a Viking to keep the net, right??
I like the idea of playing with swords, it would add a little kick to the game! LOL
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A Viking in net AND swords?! This is the best game ever:-)
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Absolutely! 🙂
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Well done to you for getting involved in something new! That’s very brave and inspirational. I love the reasons behind your player choices, sounds like you had fun 🙂 Thank you for sharing, really enjoyed reading your post ❤ xx
Bexa | http://www.hellobexa.com
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Oh thank you! It was hard to stay after their initial reaction but I’m determined to have fun with it! Thank you for reading and commenting😊
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This is where “fantasy teams” always lose me. If they’re fantasy teams why can’t you pick whatever players you want? Damian from “The Omen” movies would be a great player. So would Connor MacLeod. In fact I’m surprised there isn’t a real player named that. You’re already close to having the real Neo on your team.
Maybe that’s why fantasy teams won’t allow you to have just anyone. As soon as someone says “I pick Cthulu” everyone else would have to say “GAME OVER!”
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I want ALL the Avengers!!
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In Round Two, Trainwine selects “The Ram”!
The Tribe > The Avengers 😉
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I agree, good for you! Sounds like a fun thing to do
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The exciting part is seeing my players doing well enough to win me some money!
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Let’s hope so!
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When I first saw the title of this post I was reminded of a friend who plays hockey in a pool – underwater hockey that is!
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I’ve heard of that—underwater rugby too!
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So that’s really a thing?!!!!
Mona
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Yep. These guys are breath-hold divers. They do it as a way to keep their breath holding techniques in tune (and for fun.) If I tried it, I’d probably drown.
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Not really into sports, I adored the movie mentions – a GOOD omen, not like those Damien movies. Be honest did you ever look for #666 on your scalp. No, me either, never happened.
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I wonder if there are any hockey players whose number is 666?
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I think they stop at two digit numbers…but if there was one and his name was Damien…..(shudders, passes out).
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And he would play for the Devils!
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Indeed
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I haven’t played fantasy football in years, but am VERY familiar with all you spoke to…not knowing the first thing about hockey (we can’t even spell ise down here) doesn’t matter. Loved reading about this.
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Fantasy football—I wouldn’t even know where to start except for the Rams, thanks to Tom!
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It’s safe to start with he Saints as well. 😉
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Yes it is, Wulf! In fact, most years, it’s BETTER to start with Saints. 😉
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I should have asked you guys for pointers–I would stand a much better chance at winning, I’m sure!
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The sum of what Wulf and I know about hockey couldn’t fill the Ant-Man’s socks. 😉
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It’s still more than I know. Yesterday we finished the draft, and I picked up a guy called Craig Smith. So now, I have a Mr. Anderson and a Mr. Smith. I was really hoping for some dude named Trinity, but no…
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good luck — here I thought you meant a swimming pool at first lol
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I think it’s called a pool because we pool our money together?
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yes, I know, but was just pointing out how far removed my mind is from idea of sports & gambling lol
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Oh lol😁
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I once participated in a work football pool. This was long before fantasy teams and all I had to do was pick which team would win from a long list of scheduled games. I chose the teams based entirely on which city I’d rather visit and I won. I did it the same way the following year and won again. All the guys I worked with were convinced I was either cheating (?!) or had incredible hidden knowledge I wasn’t copping to.
I admire your method and hope you win!
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Thanks–let’s hope there’s some method to my madness!
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Your picks are as solid as any other random game of chance and “please don’t let my guy get injured,” but that LIST?? Gold. Solid gold. I love students like him.
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I know–even after 20 years, it still makes me laugh!
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Suzanne, you are the highlight of my week, the sure thing!!!!!! Although I probably shouldn’t admit it, I am so not aware of sportsish kinds of things, I thought a Hockey Pool was going to be an actual pool (the swimming kind) related to hockey….which of course makes no sense. I like your pool much better!!!!!! Go Hockey (I have actually been to a Flames game….like a hundred years ago).
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I’m not very sporty either, so I doubt my picks will help me “keep my head above water” ha ha!!
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I totally adore you, Suzanne!!!!
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The feeling is absolutely mutual:-)
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Ooof, that’s tense. I would not have wanted to interrupt what took so many people so much planning!
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Ironically, I just had to have my name added to an app. There are hundreds of players to choose from so they all relaxed by the second meeting 😁
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Reblogged this on Dream Big, Dream Often.
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I’m not surprised you still have the paper from Tkachuk (<— cut and pasted, could NOT spell that one), but I am floored you knew where it was. I've been going through this house thing and I can tell you that paperwork I'm looking for that I had SIX MINUTES AGO is lost in the attic somewhere already. Speaking of which, I have a notebook full of poetry up there from when I was a muse in 2003 … I should dig it out for some tribal laughs….
You're far braver than I am. I would have said "yes, I'll join the pool" and when I figured out it was a rotisserie thing I would have said "nope, no way, not ready, I'm out!" But way to hang in there, champ. Let me know how you do. Beginners tend to do well in these things, mostly because the universe has a great sense of humor. 😉
P.S. Sorry I'm always so late in responding lately … apparently buying a house requires the reading of a novel every 7 or 8 hours! 🤣
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Good luck, and I love the list! LOL
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Thanks!
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Being from the UK and the fact i’ve been to one ICE hockey game in my whole life (and still know nothing about it), I was confused between the Olympic hockey (played on grass with wooden sticks that we were made to play in school) and a swimming pool. Lets just say there was a lot of confusion about what the hell was going on for a while there…
I really felt for you with the blank stares. I once turned up to a birthday party that I wasn’t invited to – I sort of knew the birthday girl and went because a mutual friend asked me to go with her. Turns out, there was a sit down meal with a seating plan and the birthday girl gave me daggers… MORTIFIED.
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I know–I didn’t say in the post, but initially I was almost in tears and had to stop myself from just leaving. Bu then I got into the spirit of it, and thought I’ll be damned if I’m going to miss out on this!
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I bet you were – nothing worse than people making it clear that you aren’t wanted… Good for you for sticking with it!
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There’s something to be said, I guess, for being part of a fantasy league in which you know nothing about what you’re doing! I dropped out of our group Oscar pool fifteen years ago because I couldn’t take the stress…
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Well, I just dropped to third place, and my reaction was “What?! How did THAT happen?” like I had any right to be at the top of the pool in the first place, lol!
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