My Week 112: I’m An Enabler

Friday: I’m an enabler.

Me (spills wine on bedspread): Titus! Stop licking the covers!
Titus: But it’s so delicious. Spill some more.
Me: No!! OMG. This is why we can’t have nice things.
Titus: What do you mean? Wine is nice.
Me: You’re such a dick. I love you.
Titus: I know. Spill some more wine.
Me: Oh for god’s sake, here. Just lick it off my finger.
Raven: For the record, I dragged my butt across the carpet and sneezed on your pillow. Can I have some wine too?
Me: Sigh.

 

8 thoughts on “My Week 112: I’m An Enabler

  1. When my son was about five he was obsessed with his pooh and would call me into the bathroom to show me his accomplishment. He would comment what letter of the alphabet it looked like. The most memorable one was when he called me in and with great pride said, “Look Mom a lower case ‘i’ “Sure enough it was a lower case ‘i’ completed with the dot.

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  2. How timely–just last week I was watching something about an actor who’s done a large number of cameos, mostly in low-budget film, and someone said “He’s been in more crap than corn!” I still think that’s a beautifully descriptive metaphor.
    You’ll also appreciate this story about a couple my wife knew: the husband was a terrible hypochondriac and one day while they were out shopping came back from a little private time and said “We have to go to the emergency room! I’m bleeding internally!”
    The wife said, “Sure you are. What do you think of this dress?”
    He eventually talked her into taking him to the doctor because he was sure there was blood in his stool. But he’d forgotten they’d had red cabbage for dinner the night before…
    Anyway I’m glad Titus got some wine. At my house I have a joke that our dogs can’t have any alcohol until they’re three.

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      • The actor is Dick Miller. When you see a picture of him you’ll probably say, “Oh, it’s that guy!” He probably would star in your show. He’s been in so many things because he’s so agreeable.
        And speaking of festive diapers I understand babies who are fed bananas will sometimes poop out seedling banana trees.

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