Friday: Titus and I make fun of the National Dog Show
Titus: Watcha doin’?
Me: Watching the National Dog Show.
Titus: Cool. (jumps up on bed) So what’s going on?
Me: It’s the Working Dogs right now.
Titus: (snorts derisively) Right.
Me: What?
Titus: That dog never worked a day in his life. His paws look all soft.
Me: And you’re Mr. Blue Collar? When was the last time YOU did any work?
Titus: Excuse me? Just yesterday, you were all like, “Where’s the Piggy, Titus? Can you find the Piggy?” And I DID. I AM a Retriever, you know. It was hard work. That pig was like all the way upstairs in the guest room.
Me: Yes, because that’s where you left it. Now be quiet so I can watch this. It’s the –
Titus: Holy sh*t, that dog has dreadlocks! WTF?!! Is that even REAL?
Me: Yes, Titus, it’s a Komondor, a real dog.
Titus: A “Commodore”? What, like Lionel Ritchie’s dog or something?
Me: Yes, that dog belongs to Lionel Ritchie. Obviously. Now stop talking—it’s the Toy category now.
Titus: I can see why they call them “Toys”. None of those dogs are real either. That one looks like a cotton ball blew up in the microwave, that one looks like Raven coughed it up, and that one is like something out of a Japanese anime cartoon. You want to see a real dog? THIS is what a real dog looks like. Check me out.
Me: Oh my god (averts eyes). What the hell is wrong with you?
Titus: Real dog. Right here, baby.
mydangblog 
Wow! I completely agree with you about that “Elf on a Shelf” thing. It’s funny. I didn’t know they celebrated Christmas in North Korea.
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Yeah, our three Dalmatians laugh at Komondors too, but mainly because they’ve seen them up close and know that it’s impossible to get a Komondor completely dry. This makes mold grow in their dreadlocks so they stink.
Short hair is always better than long.
And I want to know who’s abusing the elves. If it’s the parents then that’s just wrong.
If it’s the kids then I admire their healthy lack of respect for authority.
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I didn’t realize that about Komondors–kind of gross. Also that fur looks sooo heavy–it almost seems abusive to me. As for the other, my plan is to get one, dress him in a military uniform and hide him behind the toilet. I think my 17 year old will get a kick out of it. Or it will scare the crap out of him–either way, it’s all good.
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Oh my goodness this post was hilarious. I sort of popped over here from Christopher’s blog, and I’m so glad I did. I loved the Elf on a Shelf detailed description of how he’s been found. My personal favourite was in the nativity scene. Let’s admit it, that was funny. And yeah, totally a parent thing. As a kid the thought of a fat guy breaking into my house was frightening enough. I just thank everything that is not green that we did not have an elf issue. And your sock monkey is doing a great job!
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Thank you so much for the kind comments!
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I think Elf On The Shelf is wasted on kids, much more fun to be had pranking adults. And agree with the sinister connotations of it for children. A real pet peeve of mine is when parents, whilst in my shop, tell their kids to behave or ‘that lady will tell you off/ask us to leave/insert other threat here’. OR, here’s an old-fashioned idea, as the parent/guardian of said child, maybe YOU could discipline them! Poor Elf, being made out to be the bad guy.
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I heard a woman tell a little girl the other day, “Do you know what would happen if you’d broken that? You would go to JAIL!” The little one started bawling, and I was like, “No, you WON’T, sweetie!”
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